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| After that exhausting regimen of screwing around, Shaine and I parted ways until later that night, when a gathering of compatriots was scheduled at the residence of Katie Grooms. We got a little tired of said gathering so we once again piled into the van, this time with the beautiful and charming Shannon Novak and Tara Atkinson, and set out on a secret mission the nature of which I am unable to disclose due to my obligation to the Scott Ross Witness Protection Program. What I can tell you of the mission is unsubstantial, but still amusing. On our way out of Katie’s house Shaine happened to borrow a two-liter bottle of Diet Pepsi Twist™ that was transported to a local high school and deposited atop the front awning. This was brought to fruition when, in the words of Mr. Griggs himself, “matt gilmore noticed it one day during sociology. and people were all inquisitive "whoa! what is that?" because it was yellowed out (it had been there for around a month) and eventually they figured it was diet pepsi twist [sic].” Our final act of merrymaking on this joyous day was yet another case of borrowed property on our part. At Katie’s house we discovered some unguarded watches – just to stir things up, I helped myself to the classy yet simple American flag plastic watch, while Shaine (ever the show off) procured a fancy-shmancy high quality Swiss Army watch. (Say, have you ever considered how ironic it is that all of our nifty tools come from the army that was infamous for its World War neutrality? Of course, they did have plenty of time to make knives and watches; they sure weren’t fighting Nazis.) We were soon found out and word came to us that Katie had proclaimed that the watches had to come back. My cheap American flag watch, she had said, didn’t really matter (traitor!), however Shaine’s fancy-pants Swiss Army watch had to be returned post-haste as it was some extravagantly overpriced trinket of her stepfather’s. True, it was wrong of us to get a cheap laugh at another’s expense by borrowing watches from Katie’s house, but the reaction was one to remember. Katie’s one of those people who can without warning become so uptight it would be frightening if we didn’t find it so comical. And the stuff that set it off was exactly what we had done. When she launched the manhunt to get those watches back, we just couldn’t do the gentlemanly thing by returning them and apologizing, her demeanor just begged for a parting shot – and we proudly delivered. So having been exposed, Shaine composed a ransom note in typical magazine-letter style for Katie. To quote the author of this historic note: “i had [Eric] chambers get her the note first. and it said in the ransomed style "kt, what tara [Atkinson] has told you is inconsequential. the watch is in your (and here it had a picture of a mailbox) [sic].” Seeing as Katie had demanded the return of the Swiss Army watch, we had the ransom note delivered to her and then we did the only thing we could do: we rushed to her house as soon as school got out so that we could deposit to her mailbox, swathed in an envelope, the cheap plastic American flag watch. Like we were going to give up that easily. Shaine, meanwhile, had left the Swiss Army watch in the back seat of the van, which, by the way, I was still driving because the mechanics hadn’t fixed my clutch yet. What a great friend, huh? Excluding the continuing adventures of the Diet Pepsi Twist™, the last shockwaves of that day of adventure came to a close with my delivery of the watch to Tara, who then secured its passage to Katie. So maybe, in the end, this doesn’t seem like such a meaningful experience with an older person. I, however, feel that it was extremely meaningful. We were irresponsible, immature, loud, unruly, annoying, inconsiderate, incorrigible, called attention to ourselves, and wasted the entire day with a lackadaisical disregard for the constraints of common decency. So this experience didn’t change our lives, we didn’t cry in one another’s arms, or dedicate our lives to shaving the whales; people don’t consider humor and having a good time to be the most profound of values, but there’s nobody else I know whom I could have had such a good time with. What is meaningful between people is existent whether it leads to empathy or to mass hilarity. Plus, he is older than me. |
| Wow, wasn't that life-affirming? Head back home ---> |