Your questions answered!
How are soprano players like pirates?
They are both murder on the high 'C's.
What's the difference between principal cornet players and terrorists?
You can negotiate with terrorists.
How do you get a solo cornet player to play fff?
Mark mp on the part.
What do you have if your entire back row cornet section is buried up to their necks in cement?
Not enough cement...
How do you get a flugel horn to sound like a tenor horn?
You can't! The only other thing that sounds like a tenor horn is the QE2.
What do three horns sound like at the bottom of the sea?
A good idea.
What's the difference between a dead baritone player in the road and a dead hedgehog in the road?
There are skid marks in front of the hedgehog.
How do you get the euphonium section to play in tune?
Shoot one of them.
How can you tell that the kid in the playground is a trombonists kid?
He can't swing and doesn't know how to use the slide.
How do you fix a broken tuba?
With a tuba glue.
Why do bass players have pea-sized brains?
Because alcohol has swelled them.
What do you call someone who hangs around with a group of musicians?
The percussionist.