Satan Day has come and gone everybody and boy was it a riot. We'll have to wait a thousand years before we get another crack at 6/6/6, but don't worry, lots of other great days are ahead of us. Father's Day is coming up, that's pretty special. This week we'll be investigating the grandeur of Stephen Baldwin while we'll also celebrate the upcoming World Cup with an overview of the participating nations.
-The Da Vinci Code is being pulled from theatres from China after the nation's government reversed its decision to show the film in the "free" nation. This is the first time in 6000 years of Chinese history that a foreign film has been pulled from showing after the government had previously decided to put on the screens. *Rumor report- Word is Tom Hanks is so upset he's threatening to remove his Joe vs. the Volcano tux from the still standing Planet Hollywood in downtown Shanghai*. The Chinese government is saying little about their surprising decision. Maybe it was out of fear that The Da Vinci Code may very well have passed the second highest grossing foreign film in China's history- Pearl Harbor.
-The polls are closed and the results of The Best Cleavage in Hollywood contest are in. By popular vote(of the editors of In Touch magazine), Scarlett Johansson has the best knockers in the biz. This comes not long after Ms. overexposed won FHM's readers poll on "the sexiest woman alive". Whatever.
Baldwin's new book is slated to come out later this Summer or possibly fall. I for one would certainly like study up on the wonderous career of Stephen Baldwin. Sure, he may be the ugliest, least talented, and least distinguished Baldwin brother but the man has a story to tell nonetheless. Expect the book to do every bit as well if not better than the last five movies he's done. And if you can't remember the last 5 movies Stephen has been in don't worry, Jesus probably couldn't even tell you that.
-United States: Without a doubt the greatest nation in the history of the planet, the US is still new to this whole soccer thing. The US needs to make a statement as we are apparently incapable of winning an international competition in any of the sports that we invented. The States will have the world against it, as the entire world laughs that we call the game 'soccer'.
-Notables: the atomic bomb, the Chevy pick-up, emo, Steven Segal, bad electronics, git'r'dun
-Germany: the host nation, Germany did not even have to qualify. Good news for them. However the downer is that they may have spent the last four years engaging in their unusual fetishes and are unprepared for the competition.
-Notables: Karl Marx, the Nazi party, Rammstein, sausage festivals
-Costa Rica: one of six Latin American nations to compete, Costa Rica practically never makes it to the World Cup. Considering their government has not been overthrown by a military coup within the last 25 years, it's hard to say if Costa Rica actually qualifies as a Latin American nation.
-Notables: US Central Standard Time
-England: A regular fixture at the Cup, England will probably lose well before they get anywhere near the finals. Unfortunately, the US squad cannot be on the pitch to assist the Brits in times of need. Half of the British population is already in jail for crimes they were going to commit out of hooligan rage.
-Notables: the Beatles, the Magna Carta, fish and chips, the English language, Mott the Hoople
-Japan: They usually dominate the Asian region because nobody else actually cares enough to put a serious team together. The men have to go out and prove themselves after their women revealed that they have the world's smallest penises on average. Sorry fellas.
-Notables: anime, good electronics, efficient cars, the shogun
-Mexico: The US's southern neighbor will try and take their minds off the US immigration battle and focus on winning the upcoming games. Mexico often fields a talented bunch, but they are never taken seriously because they are Mexico.
-Notables: Pancho Villa, bad rock music, the Aztec empire, Mexican food, pollution
-Iran: This Asian nation is attempting to take the heat off their country' nuclear program by playing some good ass soccer. Embarrassment will arise when foreign player asks "Hey how's that nuke program coming along?"
-Notables: the Ayatollah, Babylon
-France: It's time for the French to due battle once again, this time on German soil. France will due their best to bring home the gold, too bad none of their players are from France.
-Notables: Claude Monet, Napoleon, guillotine, the Statue of Liberty
-Italy: Italy's inclusion in the World Cup means all the old Axis powers are reunited one more time to take on the world. This time it will be done separately. Italy will take on the US in the first round leaving many Brooklynites to question their loyalties.
-Notables: Leonardo Da Vinci, fascism, Marco Polo, pannido, excuse!
-Togo: This tiny African nation is a long shot, however getting the hell out of Togo is more than worth the trip.
-Notables: World Bank loans, coup d'etats
