Everyone knows that Cobra and Luis are both huge movie losers. Well guess what, now you get to hear their valued opinions on recently released movies, and even some classics if you're lucky.



V For Vendetta: By Luis

If you haven't already seen this movie, you're either an idiot, or you work and go to school 24 hours a day, leaving no time for sleep, or watching movies that might possibly be one of the best ever. This movie is the best movie I've seen this year, but I'm writing this before I've watched X-men 3 so I'm not sure if that opinion will hold up...probably though, because this movie was way better than the first two. The main character, V, is one of the most interesting super heroes ever, Natalie Portman is in the movie, and contrary to popular belief, she has her hair for a pretty good portion of it, and all the actors talk with Brittish accents, making this movie get 10 asses kicked out of 10. If you're not a person who lives in their parents' basement, and is afraid of going out amongst the populous, you must go and see this movie. If you are one of those people, you should overcome your fear of people to go see this movie. In case you haven't guessed, this movie is pretty damn good.



Mission Impossible 3: by Cobra

Just when you thought you had tired of Tom Cruise's outrageous antics, the world receives the news that he has actually had a baby with Katie Holmes. He also made a pretty good movie in MI 3 too. Cruise is back as Ethan Hunt, the Impossible Mission Force super agent ready to save the world....from Capote. Wanting to retire from the business, Cruise is dragged back into the world of espionage and outright war with a shady arms dealer who is about to sell the world's most destructive weapon- the rabbit's foot. For those wondering, the movie never actually reveals what the rabbit's foot is, and no, I'm actually not kidding. Cruise and co. decide to accept their mission to capture Phillip Seymour Hoffman and everything goes according to plan- until it's discovered that someone within the agency is working against them. That's funny, that sounds EXACTLY like the first movie except Jon Voight isn't in this one. The prime suspect in MI 3 is revealed by Felicity to be none other than Morpheus, the agency's director, a hard ass who doesn't appear to like anybody. The movie is entirely predictable as anyone who saw the first movie will be able to know what will happen in the end about midway through, however, all that being said, the movie still is pretty good. Cruise lets the world see the softer side of being a secret agent while also keeping his ass kicking purpose. Lots of guns being fired, a sappy love story, and even a supporting role from Shaun of the Dead will keep men and women alike entertained all the way through. This movie won't pull any shockers but if you don't want to see another appearance by Tom Cruise on your TV set, I suggest you go see MI 3.



The Lost City: by Luis

Have you even heard of this movie? Well, I hadn't, until my dad told me I had to go with him to see it. So, that's what I did. And to tell you the truth, it's pretty good. The premise of the movie is that Andy Garcia is this Cuban guy in the fifties, who owns the Tropicana, a famous nightclub. Suddenly, Castro takes over the country, and it becomes a shithole, and his family loses everything. It's a pretty serious movie, and gets a bit slow some times (although, only because there's a romantic subplot and it boggs the movie down a little), but fortunately, Bill Murray is suprisingly a very important character, and brings some comedy to the movie. You may think the movie is only good to Cubans, but Penny (my white fiance) thought it was good too, so I suppose you honkeys may like it too. It's not for everyone, however, as it is a historical piece, and not loaded with action or stupidity.



The DaVinci Code: by Luis

I went into this movie expecting to be offended. I left the movie wishing I HAD been offended. Right off the bat, let me state that if you're a Christian who doesn't want to see this movie because you think it's satanic, it isn't. Now, if you're a regular movie-goer who wants to see it because you think it's a good movie, it isn't. The movie is a very bland, uninteresting treasure hunt story that is practically a carbon copy of National Treasure, except a poor one. The arguments for the DaVinci code in the movie are not presented in a way that would ever make you believe them. In fact, by the end of the movie, no questions are really answered. I couldn't tell you if the point of the movie is to prove Christianity is a lie, or if Mary Magdalene is equal in godness to Jesus, or to leave you questioning why Tom Hanks of all people was not given an interesting character to play. Magneto and Doctor Octopus are both stellar in their roles though, I must say. However, the movie is very mediocre, and only worth watching if you have nothing better to do with your day. And only if you've seen my next movie six times already.



See No Evil: by Luis

Yes, sir, last night was a night of binging and purging on movies. And although I walked out of the DaVinci code feeling like I had just lost two and a half hours of my night, the next movie made me feel like the money I spent for both was well worth just this one. In case you don't know what this movie is because you're an uneducated moron, this is the movie where Kane is a serial killer looking to cleanse filthy, teenage whores of their sins. The movie does not have one moment of downtime as right off the bat the movie starts with some cops getting hacked to death by Kane's axe. We then fast forward 4 years, and there's a group of teenagers being borrowed from prison to clean up this abandoned hotel as a way to shorten their sentences. Oh...I forgot to mention on the most attractive people make it to this prison, as all the guys and girls are ridiculously hot for inmates. And incredibly horny, as well. So after a few minutes of cleaning, the kids are allowed to rome about at their leisure, and look at each other taking showers. Oh...two of the guys go looking for buried treasure. This, however, prompts Kane (who in case you don't know is 7 feet tall) to appear out of no where several times by using his camera blurring powers. He then murders about 3/4 of the cast in about ten minutes. It all comes together at the end, as we're revealed that poor Kane was torchered by his over-religous mother by being forced to sit in a corner of his room, naked, while his girlfriend is tied to the bed and his mother rips her eyes out and belittles the poor boy. All in all, unbelievable piece of cinema. Take that as you wish.



X-men 3: The Last Stand: by Luis

Uh...really super unbelievably awesome.



The Break Up: by Cobra

So you're on a date with your better half and your girlfriend doesn't feel like seeing a movie filled with explosions or gratuitous sex scenes, what on earth is a man to do? Well if you don't feel like going home and playing Halo with your couch ridden friends you might consider seeing this movie. The Break Up is a romantic comedy which shockingly stars neither Hugh Grant nor Kevin Kline. Instead it features the latest Hollywood hot couple, Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston, as two Chicago lovebirds who reach their breaking point after a family dinner and head for splitsville. Never fear fellas because the couple breaks up about ten minutes into the movie meaning you can sit back and watch Vince Vaughn be a jerk for the next 80 or so minutes. Vaughn's role is a success as it has worked in every other movie he's been in. Aniston plays of course, the perfect but needy girlfriend who drives her slob, average joe boyfriend insane with her demands. The film is also filled with supporting roles from B Listers Vincent D'Onofrio, the guy from Arrested Development, and Jon Favreau. Of course not to be forgotten is Mr. Justin Long of Jeepers Creepers fame as the gay art gallery receptionist. If you've liked Vaughn before, you'll like him in this movie; as you watch the movie you get the impression that this is really what the man is like. The two trade barbs the entire movie as they spend the final few weeks of their lives together in the Chicago condo that they put up for sale. You'll laugh, your girlfriend will be happy, and you hopefully won't have to pay for dinner. Problem solved.



Superman Returns: by Luis

Spoiler Alert There's no way I can express how much this movie sucks if I don't ruin the ending. So if you're looking to be surprised, don't read my review until after you see this movie. Ok, now that we have that out of the way, the ending of this movie kills the entire thing. The movie builds up quite nicely, right up until the point where a villain is killed by this piano, and we pan back to see that a little kid, Lois' son, threw it. You see, the son is not only Lois' but Superman's as well. What's so bad about this, you ask? The fact that Superman flew to outer space 5 years ago, and left Lois to fall in love with Cyclops, who thinks the son is his. Cyclops, who doesn't actually play Cyclops in the movie, is actually a very likable character in the movie as well, posing the problem that you really don't want anything bad to happen to him. Unfortunately for him, his family is going to be torn appart by the supposed hero of the movie. They also rape Superman of his superness by ending the movie with Superman in a hospital gown, bed ridden, after saving the day. I honestly hated this movie. It's no Hulk...but nothing could be that bad.