The Way the Crumble Cookies (formerly Ranma and Akane Wake Up) by W.Brad Robinson (Zorknot) Prologue: Talking Heads (taken from first section of ch.1 of previous version) DISCLAIMER: Ranma and Akane are characters created originally by Rumiko Takahashi. I'm just going to screw with their minds a little. NOTE: You don't necessarily have to read this to understand the fic. I almost considered cutting it out completely as the dreams are alittle long and are mainly psycho babble...but several people liked it and I like it to so I'm keeping Ranma's dream and adding Akane's, but I'm separating from the rest of the fic as a prologue. ~~~~~[START of Prologue]~~~~~ Ranma tried hotter and hotter water but still nothing worked. He was stuck as a girl. Again. "How many times does this have to happen?" Ranma demanded of the gods. "Why can't I just be left alone? I don't even care if the curse is cured anymore, but why do people have to mess with it?" "It's your karma," an old, wise voice told her. "You have brought this on yourself, young one, and it is you alone who can undo it." "Bullshit! I ain't done nothin' wrong!" "Who am I?" the old voice asked patiently. "Who are you?! You're the ghoul, Shampoo's not-so- great grandmother, Cologne." "Idiot! If I am she, then who are you?" "Huh? I'm Ranma Saotome of the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts." "You are not your school, young one, or your name. Ranma Saotome is merely a metaphor, a way for you to deal with whatever affects you. You use Ranma to hide yourself. You use Ranma to run away." "I don't know what the hell your talking about, ghoul. Look, dya know how I can go back ta bein a man or are ya just gonna keep confusin the shit outta me?" "Are you a man?" "Okay, look, If ya really wanna go on a soul searchin' party then fine. I'll admit it. Part of me is a girl. I accepted that after the wedding got ruined. But I'm still a man." "What does that mean? You are not, after all, physically male at the moment, are you?" "It MEANS that I ain't some weak-willed wishy-washy good for nothin cry baby." "Yet you admit that part of you is like this." "...yes." "And you admitted this after the failed wedding?" "Yeah..." "Is Akane a man?" "Of course not!" "Do you not call her a tomboy at the slightest provocation?" "Yeah but that's cause ...I'm just messin with her." "Why do you do that?" "Cause... she's just so cool...she don't let anyone get away with anythin, and she don't hurt anyone who can't take it. I love that about her. I love seein that... Why am I tellin YOU this!" "She's not 'wishy washy' then?" "Nah, anythin' but! I mean, even Shampoo, Ukyo, and Kodachi, they got spunk, but they'll do anythin' I ask! It's irritatin." "You want someone you can count on. Someone you can relax around and not worry about hurting, am I right?" "Yeah." "You want a man." "Hold it right there! I never said..." "I'm just using your definition. You said a man was someone who wasn't wishy-washy and who could be counted on to accomplish things." "Look, I see what your sayin' but if that were true I'd be goin after Ryoga too, and I am NOT attracted to pig boy in the least." "It's interesting that you should mention Ryoga, someone with whom you've flirted with quite forcefully in the past." "That was just cause he was goin after Akane!" "Perhaps. But he never could deny you anything while he thought you were female, am I right? He was weak...wishy-washy. He was a girl." "I'll have to tell him that one sometime..." "In fact, I would wager that the only people you are around for any significant amount of time who are men by your definition are the Tendo sisters, myself, and perhaps your mother. Everyone else has some weakness that makes them loose their willpower." "But they're all girls!" "And you love them all, don't you? They're your true family, the ones you go to if you're in need. Take me for instance. Why are you talking to me of all people, when you know that all I want is for you to marry Shampoo. Or Nabiki, you continually ask for her help even though she charges you an arm and a leg for it. And Kasumi will not tolerate bad behavior from you at all. She wields her caring, pleasant attitude like a great weapon that cuts you only when it's absent. These are all opponents you cannot truly defeat." "I can take ya anytime" Ranma said half heartedly. "Yes, you could probably beat me, even without the cat fist now. But would it be a true victory?" "No..." Ranma admitted. " Jeez! When did I start likin you?!" "Happosai is another story, isn't he? Even though you have yet to defeat him in a clean fight, you have no respect for him. He is led by his emotions, his base desires. He is not a man. Every now and then your father actually comes close, and that is why you have not left him even though you could have gone home or back to China at any time, but most of the time he is led by his stomach, his greed, and his fear of Happosai. When he gives into these feelings is when you hate him the most." "Damn, how do you know all this stuff about me?" "Think of Kuno. Do you know why you fight him even though he isn't anywhere near your level anymore? You're afraid of him. You're afraid of him because he doesn't give up. He is actually quite manly by your definition, and you are attracted to him." "There ain't no way I'm attracted ta that jerk!" "Sometimes I wonder if your double negatives are intentional... Do you remember the dream you had? The dream starts with you walking through the Tendo home. This is a metaphor for your exploration of the new world you entered. You go into the furo, a place of privacy and contemplation, and there sitting with you, is Kuno, naked, his intentions revealed. "Then you are submerged in the water, taken over by emotion, and the water changes from hot, meaning male, to cold, meaning female. You go from having something to attack and defend against to being helpless. You are then in the pool where Kuno groped you, where he revealed your femaleness, your helplessness, and strangely enough Kuno attempts to help you out. But he does this by extending his bokken, an obvious symbol of manhood. He offers to help you out of your emotional turmoil by giving you his manhood. By making you his girlfriend. But you refuse and are submerged once again sinking deeper and deeper into emotion, passing your father in his cursed form-a reminder of the cause of your curse. "This is the place where Ranma the girl lives. This is the place where you keep your fears... your doubts... your weaknesses. This place existed ever since the first time your father called you a girl because as soon as he did so, he provided you with a label to put all the feelings you didn't like under. A label you still use today. At the bottom of this place Kuno surrounds you, professing his love. You dare not move because to move would be to accept it. But you need to move. You need to get out of this dark emotional place you're in. The dream ends when you drown. "If you were not attracted to Kuno at all, then you would not have had that dream. If you could not imagine being his wife you wouldn't have dreamt of having his children on watermelon island. And before you protest I ask you why when you were affected by Happosai's moxibustion making you weaker than a child you said, of all things 'the day Kuno beats me is the day I stop being a man?'" "That don't mean nothin'! I wouldn't date Kuno even if I were a woman!" "There you go with the double negatives again. But I'm proud of you. That's the first time you've referred to being female as being a 'woman' and not a 'girl.' And I think you have come upon the true name for what you have been calling manhood. It's maturity. "Kuno is by no means wishy-washy, but he is not your ideal. He gives no thought to his actions. He has no femininity. He is not 'woman' enough to be a true man. He is not mature. Akane still dislikes boys. She dislikes them for the same reason you don't like girls, because they aren't mature. "What you realized after the wedding is that while in many things you have reached a maturity beyond your years, in relationships you have yet to grow. That you felt that you had to be female for this to happen is regrettable, because it's put you in your current situation." "What?" "I think you are a man, but you are also a girl. What you need to do is become a woman." "What the hell are ya talkin about?" "You need to accept your weaknesses and grow beyond them. You've plowed through your life all this time, now you must plant some seeds." "Huh?" "Tell me who I am." "You are Cologne, we already went through this!" "Heh, not the old ghoul anymore?" "No..." "You do realize you are dreaming right?" "I'm dreaming?" "I thought it was obvious... I ask you once more: Who am I?" "If I'm dreamin then...you're not really here. But then why am I talkin to you? How did ya know the dream about Kuno? How come I could talk to ya about Akane? You're not Cologne, you're..." "Yes, you know it now, say it." "You're me. You're that part of me that is a woman, that knows what I am feeling, that is patient, that works things out." "I am what makes you a man. I am your wisdom, your experience. I am the reason you excel in martial arts." "Yes." "Yes." ~~~~~*~~~~~ Akane screamed louder and louder but still Ranma would not respond. She was stuck as a doll Again "Why? Why does this always happen to me?! Why can't people just leave me alone? I have enough problems as it is" Akane yelled at the gods, Ranma crouched down to her and said, "It's your karma, Akane. Ya brought this on yourself." "You...you can hear me?" "Yeah.... But can ya hear yourself?" "Huh? What's THAT supposed to mean?" "Who am I, Akane?" "Honestly! You're Ranma, my fiance and a stupid jerk for making me think you couldn't hear me." "Dummy. If I'm that guy than who are you?" "I'm Akane Tendo, of the Tendo school of Anything Goes Martial arts." "You ain't your name or your school. You're just usin' those things as an excuse ta act like a spoiled brat." "You JERK! I thought you were going to help me not insult me! Are you going to find a way to return me to normal or not?" "What is normal, Akane?" "Normal is being human... not some stupid little china doll!" "You wanna go back to bein a tomboy?" "Yes...No! I'm not a tomboy! I'm just a normal girl!" "I wouldn't call ya normal..." "Alright! So maybe I'm not like other girls. Big deal!" "...." "You don't sound like Ranma..." " Ooh, she's beginnin' ta catch on! Look, what is it about bein a doll that ya don't like anyway?" "Everything! I'm small, I can't move the way I want to, I can't communicate what I want to any one...I can't talk to you.... I can't do anything! I have to depend on other people to save me if I fall or something falls on me...I hate it!" "Heh, sounds like your 'normal' life...well everythin 'cept the 'small' part." "I wish I were full size now so I could hit you with a hammer...but...but you're right. I can't do anything, I can't swim, I can't cook, I can't write well. I can't even do martial arts as well as everybody else. What good am I to anybody? What good am I to you?" "Feh, why should ya care about me?" "Because, you baka, I love you! I didn't realize it till the wedding but...I want to spend the rest of my life with you!" "Ya got a funny way of showin it." "Well so do you!" "Hey, ya know that's right! I'm a complete jerk to ya all the time. I deserved all those beatins! You should just find somebody else. Maybe Ryoga. He's a nice guy..." "You're NOT Ranma, are you? Ryoga...he's nice, but...he's too nice." "What's that Akane? I couldn't hear ya could ya speak up?" "I said he's too nice. Every other boy I know that isn't already with somebody is like that. Or they start stalking me, or trying to defeat me. But you...Ranma I mean...he was the first one that was ever truly mean to me." "Oooh, I see now why ya fell in love with him!" "Shut up! You don't understand. Ranma was the first one that was ever honest. No, I guess he's not that. He pretends like he doesn't like me but...well I know he does. And everytime he insults me...I don't know whether I want to kill him...or kiss him." "Even when he's a girl?" "...." "Heh, while yer thinkin 'bout that let me take ya down the old memory lane. Tofu knocked out Ranma's legs with a shiatsu point. What'd you do?" "I carried him home. What's the point?" "You carried HER home. Ranma's girl body is lighter than his male body but it still weighs a good bit don't it?" "I guess." "But you enjoyed it didn't you?" "NO!" "Oh come on, her body pressed against your back her breasts bouncin', her arms around you..." "She was so vulnerable then...I..." "HAH! You liked it! Tell me, what happened during Ranma's fight with Ryoga?" "Ryoga found out about the curse...my hair got cut..." "Ranma rescued ya from Ryoga's bandannas and took you up to the limb of a tree. She was a girl. What happened." "Ryoga cut the tree down with his belt..." "Oh come on...you and Ranma were on the limb of that tree. You were REAL close. And you thought 'I could kiss her now...' and then you realized what you were thinking and scooted away, embarassed." "How could you know what I was thinking?" "I'm just cool like that I guess." "But I'm not like that! I had a crush on Tofu!" "Yeah you had a real big crush on him didn't ya? A big crush that evaperated like spit in the fryin pan soon as ya got yer hair cut and had a short cry. Ya know what I think? I think you really DID hate boys, and when Ranma Saotome came along you were in luck, cause he was half girl." "That's rediculous!" "Is it? Then I guess you never fantasized about doin it with Ranma as a girl? You never stared at her breasts? You were so angry that Ranma was runnin' around topless...I wonder why?" "OKAY! Okay...I admit it. I think Ranma is...attractive as a girl." "Right and also Shampoo, Ukyo, Kodachi, Natsume...Nodoka." "Hey that's not fair! This is about Ranma!" "No Akane, it ain't. Ya get so mad at Ranma. I think ya oughta know why." "I KNOW why already!" "Then tell me." "He makes me feel so stupid and clumsy! I mean he can do everything and he does it so easily." "Your jealous of him." "A little...yes." "A lot. All your life ya wanted for yourself what Ranma's already got." "Well, I do wish I could have gone on a few more training trips, I'd love to see China again, I'd like to be able to swim..." "You'd also like to be able to change sexes, to have other girls hangin all over ya..." "I'm not that bad! " "No you ain't. But who do ya hit, Akane? Ranma, or Shampoo? Ranma or Ukyo? Ranma or Kodachi?" "I'm just a normal girl! I'm not all these things you say I am! I find some girls attractive, that doesn't mean I'm a lesbian!" "There ain't no such thing as normal, Akane. You ain't weird or nothin, if that's what your afraid of. Your special. However much you try ta make yourself think you're not, you are. And you like yourself the most when you believe that. You ain't a lesbian. You like guys too. But ya can't keep hidin' those other feelins away. Ranma needs ta know about em." "'Special'...you make it sound like I'm retarded..." "Heh, nah...you're far from it. You are Ranma's equal." "Honestly, I'm nowhere near Ranma..." "You are. You smiled when I said that. I saw it. You may not believe me now. But you'll learn. You'll be a lot happier once ya do. Its your lack of self- confidence that makes ya so clumsy. You want ta learn so badly, and that's good, but ya think that if ya gotta do that, ya must be some kinda invalid, some kinda china doll which can't do nothin. Which is kinda why you're in the pickle you're in now." "Who are you? You're not Ranma, you don't sound like anyone else I know..." "You do know yer dreamin' dontcha?" "I'm dreaming?" "Dummy." "But...if I'm dreaming...and you seem to know my feelings..." "Yeah?" "You have to be...but that's impossible." "Of course it is. That don't change it though." "Then...you're really...me?" "Yep!" "You're the part of me that wants to be like Ranma, the part of me that wants...to be a man." "I'm the part of you that believes in yourself, the part of you that gives you confidence, I'm the part of you that makes you a woman, instead of some stupid china doll." "Yes" "Yes" @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Ranma woke up. Looking at the ceiling, he saw that he was in his room. He smiled. He was male. He got out of his futon and stepped out of his room. He padded down the upstairs hallway, the wood floor cool against his bare feet. He came to Akane's door. He paused just a moment before he opened it. He approached Akane's bed and leaned over her sleeping form. "Akane?" Akane woke up. Her eyes fluttered open and she became aware of someone leaning over her. Somehow she was not afraid. The light from a street lamp shown through her window and spilled on a kind and loving face. "Ranma?" She asked, not believing. "I love you." Ranma said. After all this time of not being able to say it, now it was the only thing he could think of saying. Akane reached up and touched Ranma's face. "You're...real." She pulled him down and they kissed. It was like the mixing of two reactive chemicals, creating an explosion of passion. When they stopped Akane and Ranma embraced each other, their chins over each others shoulder. Akane whispered into Ranma's ear playfully "I love you more." "We'll see about that." Ranma whispered back, smiling. He never could back down from a challenge... ~~~~~~[END of Prologue]~~~~~ I would like to thank Harold Ancell, for his criticism of the 'talking heads' nature of the dreams and Thermopyle, for catching a slew of grammatical errors and pointing out a few inconsistancies with the whole man/woman definition thing. C&C still welcome and very much appreciated