RSP A Ranma 1/2 spamfic by Zorknot My other fics can be found here: http://fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=101834 DISCLAIMER: Takahashi Rumiko made up some interesting characters and plot lines for Ranma 1/2. This is me screwing all that up:-) One of the more maligned members of the Ranma 1/2 cast has his say... ~~~~~[START]~~~~~ It's very hard for me, you know? Everyone worries about Ranma, but no one cares about MY feelings. Even Ranma, who I thought would stay with me forever, ignores me more and more. Its like he thinks he doesn't need me. Maybe he doesn't. It's killing me... I know, I know. If it wasn't for me, Ranma would never have had to go through the Nekoken training. But really, it's not my fault! I blame Nodoka and that sword of hers. And the training hurt me just as much as it did Ranma. Ranma was so close to me...he's my blood! And when those cats tore into his flesh, they tore into mine as well. No one cares about that though, do they? Not even Ranma anymore. If I start becoming a pain he just douses me with water to shut me up. It's frustrating. I suppose you could say Jusenkyo was my fault too. But really! It was a TRAINING ground! What were we supposed to do, look around, enjoy the scenery, have a few moments of casual intercourse with the natives? I wish now that we had done that instead, but while the brochure was in Chinese it had one character that was unmistakable and that was TRAINING. So we trained. I think Ranma would have jumped on those poles even if I wasn't around. As Ranma fell toward the waters of Nyannichuan...I think part of me knew what was going to happen, because at that moment I was more scared than I ever had been before. And when he changed...there's no way I could possibly tell you how much it hurt. Suddenly all Ranma and I experienced amounted to nothing, and we were separated in a way I hadn't thought possible. I was so relieved when Ranma changed back that I leapt straight up in glee...much to Ranma's embarrassment I'm sure. But unfortunately the cure wasn't any more permanent than the curse. So you can't blame me for Ranma's problems with the Amazons either, though I guess you could blame it on my influence. When Shampoo gave Ranma that Kiss of Death...I wanted to do something, but I couldn't. All I could do was watch, horrified, as the girl kissed Onna-Ranma on the cheek and the former boy stood there like an idiot, doing nothing. I've tried to get better, but the truth is, whenever Ranma's a girl, she and I just can't communicate. The Cat's Tongue...that was the worst. For almost a month I could barely talk to Ranma. A gulf opened up between us and it seemed to get wider with each passing day. I think the phoenix pill came just in time. I could tell things were changing in Ranma and that if it had taken any longer...well I don't want to think about that. I suppose that the Chisuiton could have been much worse, but really it was over fairly quickly and things were back to normal. Of course I didn't know what fear was until Ranma started ACTING like a girl! I don't know how a knock on the head could have done that to Ranma, but it was nearly the end of me. One more day of that...two tops and I would have left Ranma for good. You still have no sympathy for me at all, do you? Do you realize it's a wonder I'm still here talking to you? I could have ceased to be a hundred different ways! My life is threatened even now! All Ranma has to do is say he doesn't want me around anymore and my life might as well be over! That's extremely stressful let me tell you. Yes, I know, you have it rough too, Mallet-san, but at least Akane uses you from time to time. I'm telling you, it's much worse being Ranma Saotome's penis... ~~~~~[END]~~~~~ This was just an odd thought that wouldn't leave. One of these days I'm going to write something wholesome. This isn't that day... tomorrow doesn't look good either:-) C&C welcome, but I doubt if I will change anything.