Family Honor
Ch3: Things to Do in
Nerima When You’re Dead
DISCLAIMER:
Ranma and so on
They are not my
characters
They are
Rumiko’s
PREVIOUSLY:
Ranma and Genma have arrived at the Tendos’. Ranma has an invisible dog that’s
an out growth of his superego named Family Honor. Kasumi is an eight-armed
human sized pink and purple polka-dotted sasquatch. An
enchanted ring has made all the animals around the koi pond intelligent. Nabiki
has recruited a communist squirrel for her cause, enticing it with potato
chips. Finally Soun’s wife is not really dead. She’s just been faking it the
last ten years.
~~~~~[BEGIN]~~~~~
Shampoo perched
atop the middle of the giant ‘w’ of the Whammy Burger, her long, violet hair
billowing in the wind. From this vantage she could observe a good portion of
Nerima’s business district, but there was no panda or pigtail to be seen.
Shampoo gritted
her teeth. She was a proud warrior, and an excellent tracker. She had the
culmination of three thousand years of Amazonian teachings in her brain, and
she could kill with barely a movement if it weren’t for her pesky morality
getting in the way. Still, the fact
remained that at the moment the only lead she had to go on was that Ranma and
his father would be staying at a place called the Tendo Dojo, and Shampoo had
no idea where that was. There was simply no avoiding it...
She would have
to ask somebody for directions.
She stayed for a
moment, taking in the bustle and hustle of this city, so different from her
village. She liked watching the people go to and fro, thinking their private
thoughts without realizing they were being watched. From this angle, the
Japanese people seemed almost normal and not the backwards, lecherous, condescending
bastards they really were.
Ranma was
different of course. Ranma had been her friend for several months back in her
village. Shampoo had always been something of a loner but she showed Ranma all
of the secret caves in the mountains that she went to, the waterfall, the place
in the green valley where you can see the sun rise between two peaks only twice
in a year. At first, she had been quiet, but something about Ranma...it just
made her want to talk. It wasn’t until the elders agreed to annul the kiss of
death and Ranma left with his father that she had realized she loved him.
And so Shampoo
petitioned the Elders to allow her to take a sabbatical to
Shampoo took a
breath and steeled herself for another bout with foreign ignorance before
launching into the air, completing a double somersault and twisting to land in
front of the entrance to the Whammy Burger.
She tried to
walk inside, but was impeded by that strange form of force field that the
natives were in the habit of using. Opening the door seemed like such a waste of
time, and the force field annoyed Shampoo...so she just smashed through it with
her bonbori. She was beginning to wonder if she should bother with doors at
all.
Inside was a
curious site. Every table was occupied by blond-haired oriental girls of various
ages all wearing long, ankle length skirts, heavy boots and doctor’s face
masks. Several of them stood up and looked rather angry about something. This
was...different.
Shampoo
permitted one of them to grab her by the collar of her cheongsam and slam her
against the wall. This girl seemed about Shampoo’s age but was a little taller
with the black of her roots showing in her otherwise blond hair. Shampoo was a
little curious.
“You
stupid chinky bitchlet! That our window, seen?”
“Excuse me? I’m
afraid I don’t understand your manner of speech.” Shampoo said, frowning.
The girl smiled
smugly and looked around at her compatriots. “Are you chuggin
this, yanklets? Chinky here
don’t ken me! Mayhap we oughtta
pipe chinpoko-jin back where she from ne?”
There were
several murmurs of assent and a few girls yelled “SEEN!”
Shampoo had
studied Japanese very diligently. She didn’t know why she wasn’t able to
understand these people. “Please, I’m just trying to find someone. If you wish
to fight me please challenge me in a respectable manner or else I may have to
hurt you.”
“Oooh, Chinky panty twistin ne? She sparks a bit, mayhap. You best chug
me though, bitchlet, we Yankii
the fire.” And with that, the girl
threw Shampoo toward one of the tables.
Shampoo twisted
in the air and made a perfect landing on the table’s surface. “So be it. You
will find yourselves in pieces shortly!” Shampoo yelled.
A girl swung a
lead pipe at Shampoo’s legs. Shampoo hopped over this and spun low across the
table, sending the heel of her foot into the girl’s temple, knocking her out.
Another girl turned her back toward Shampoo, jumped into the air and flipped,
her two steeltoe-booted feet now heading straight for
Shampoo’s head. Shampoo was so amazed she almost didn’t roll away from the
attack.
Another girl
tried to club her, but Shampoo stepped inside the attack, grabbed the girl’s
arms, shoved a knee hard into her solar plexus, picked her up and swung her
into another girl that was charging her.
Shampoo had
cleared a small space for herself and now stood in an easy ready stance waiting
for the girls’ next move.
“Stop!” a woman
said standing and holding her arms up. She was dressed in more or less the same
style as the other girls, but her clothes were of better quality and she was
much older. Everything she wore was black, from her dress with its red, spider
web pattern to her face mask which seemed made of satin and had a red hourglass
decorating it. The most striking difference was that unlike the other girls,
her hair was long, dark and had a lustrous sheen that seemed to glint blue in
the light. “Girl’s sparky, seen? You yanklets gonna doze the demesne!”
The girls
started to back off warily. Shampoo glanced at them and then addressed the
woman. “Are you the leader?”
The woman nodded
“I am Missus Vicious. What do you want?”
Shampoo did not
get out of her ready position. “I’m looking for Saotome Ranma. I was told he
would be staying here, in Nerima, at the Tendo dojo. Would you happen to know
where that is?”
Shampoo saw
“Vicious” tighten her lips underneath the hourglass of the face mask. The
woman’s fist clenched. “Yes. I know where that is. Would you like me to take
you there?”
Shampoo thinned
her eyes. Vicious’s body language didn’t match her
words. “If you could... that would be ni-” and a
blunt instrument came crashing into the back of Shampoo’s skull.
To sneak up on
her like that...the girls had some skill...
~~~~~*~~~~~
Missus Vicious
sat smoking a cigar in the driver’s seat of the black minivan with her elbow
out of the open window as Masaki Chihiro finished
putting the cooler of lunch bags into the minivan. Many of the girls were
looking through the back window and snickering.
Chihiro
came around to Vicious’s window. She wore black
slacks and a pin-stripped blouse and her hair was put up in a bun, long strands
of it falling on her face as bangs. She was the owner of the Whammy Burger.
“You don’t ever think you’re getting too old for this?”
Vicious snorted,
tossing the stub of her cigar to the ground and reattaching her face mask. “You
never grow out of the Yankii. You don’t leave unless
you’re beaten out.”
“But, you’re
thirty-seven! You should be settling down, or at least getting a good job!
You’ll break your back, doing that construction work.”
“Look, Chichi,
I’ve told you this before, even if I wanted to stop I can’t. The girls need me.
The Yankii are all they’ve got. They’re going to turn
to the streets anyway, at least now they have some self respect. As if you’d
have lasted a day without our help. You used to be one of us, remember.”
“I took my
beating long ago, Vicious,” Chihiro said, crossing
her arms in front of her, “And the only reason I need your money is because you
keep scaring away my customers and breaking things!” She looked toward the ground
and sighed, collecting herself. She looked up again brushing a strand of hair
from her face. “You’re my friend, and I hope that will never change, but you’ve
got to let this go. It’s not healthy. Not for you and not for the Yankii.”
“What do you
mean?”
“You’re in a
minivan! You take them to school! What kind of gang leader does that!”
“Well we do have a girl tied to the back bumper
on roller-skates...”
“You see!” Chihiro pointed, “You gave her roller-skates! You’re going
soft!”
“But she’s
naked...”
“Right and
you’re liable to get arrested for child exploitation or worse if the cops see
you.”
“We’ve paid off
the cops. There won’t be any problem. Besides the girl’s a martial artist.
She’ll be fine.”
“Look,” Chihiro closed her eyes and shook her head, holding her
hand to her temple. when she looked up again, her gaze
was intense. “I know you aren’t going to listen to me, but please, listen to
your heart. You miss them. I know you do. I see it in your eyes...” For a
moment Vicious was caught by her friend’s intensity. She could almost believe Chihiro was reading
something that was inside her, imprinted on her soul...
Vicious shook
her head and turned the key in the ignition. “I don’t want to hear it. That was
another life. That wasn’t me, and that was ten years ago. Goodbye.”
And with that,
Missus Vicious, aka Tendo Kirika pulled out of the
parking lot of the Whammy Burger in her minivan full of gang members and with a
naked Amazon in tow.
~~~~~*~~~~~
The Ring was not
very old. It existed only a century at most, and so it was still learning the
ropes of how to use its magic. The girl Akane didn’t want to be a nice
person...didn’t want to be a dainty maiden, but she kept the Ring on her finger
all the same, and as long as she didn’t take it off, it could communicate with
her after a fashion through thoughts and images.
The girl wanted
to know about her mother. Not the gracious housekeeper that had birthed her and
raised her for four years, but the woman before Tendo Soun offered the Ring,
and the woman that was her mother for those two years after the ring was thrown
in the pond. The Ring didn’t know how to help Akane at first. It had thought
that it would only be able to show the times the Tendo matron had worn it. But
then it realized that it could access memories and dreams and these were often
beyond its influence.
The Ring was
incredibly lonely. It wanted to stay with Akane as much as possible. So to keep
Akane from taking it off, it showed Akane everything she wanted to know. It
showed the memories of Akane’s mother. Of how Tendo Kirika
had been a member of a motorcycle gang, of how she used to dye her hair blond
and speak in gutter language in emulation of the Americans she saw on the
screen, even though her father was American and was nothing like all that. The
Ring showed Akane about how before Kirika’s mother
died she used to sneak around the army base, learning about all the weaponry,
wanting to be a soldier like her father...about how her mother’s death caused a
rift in her relationship with her father that was filled by the gang. By belonging to something. The Ring showed how Kirika rose in the ranks of the gang swiftly with her
incredible ability to deal with people and her considerable prowess with
martial arts.
Finally the Ring
showed Akane how Kirika had met Soun, beating him up
after he had stolen some underwear from her and her gang members. He kept
coming back afterwards, wanting to spend time with her, and even though she
consistently pounded him into the stratosphere he was relentless and the two of
them developed a strange sort of relationship. He saved her life. She saved
his. Maybe something would have happened anyway...
But Soun had
bought an engagement ring.
All the Ring had
wanted was for Kirika to be happy. The Ring knew that
in order for a woman to be happy she had to have a man to love her and children
to care for. When the Ring changed Kirika’s
personality the girl had seemed happy
enough, and it really was a glorious wedding, but even the Ring realized on
some level that a part of Kirika, a good part, was
dying inside her.
The gang had
actually left her alone pretty much. Soun had become a rather prominent figure
in the ward and Kirika helped out the gang
financially and legally without provocation even while under the Ring’s
influence. She could have been happy forever like that, after a fashion. But Kirika’s dreams grew increasingly restless.
In the moment
between waking and sleeping, in the twilight of consciousness, Kirika was herself completely. And one night, during this
twilight, Soun came to bed drunk, babbling about some contract he had made with
his old friend Genma that one his daughters would marry Ranma, Genma’s son and
thereby combine the schools.
Kirika
pulled off the engagement ring then. She pulled it off, got out of bed, and
threw it into the koi pond.
The Ring hadn’t
understood. Didn’t Kirika love Soun? Didn’t she love
her daughters? Wasn’t she happier as a homemaker? But when the Ring hesitantly
showed Akane the images, Akane seemed to get excited. She seemed to empathize
with her mother to such an extent that the Ring was afraid it might get thrown
into the pond again.
Then the Ring
thought about how happy it was to be out of the pond. But hadn’t it been happy
in the pond? Didn’t it have friends? People that loved it?
But the Ring wasn’t supposed to be an enchanted rock in a fish pond. The Ring
was meant to be around someone’s finger. The ring was supposed to shine and be
beautiful and loved and make others feel beautiful and loved. It had been
denied its destiny.
Just
as it had denied Kirika’s destiny.
The Ring would
have wept had it the biology necessary to do so. Instead, all it could do was
vow that it would never make the mistake again. It could not bear to be without
a wearer again. It would help Akane out as much as possible, but only with her
permission.
So it had asked
first before telling Akane where her mother was. Although the Ring did not know
the exact location, it could feel the woman’s particular personality pattern in
a certain direction. The Ring hadn’t expected Akane to get so excited after
asking her if she wanted to see her mother. It thought the family knew she was
gone already, but apparently Kirika had gone through
great pains to fake her death.
At the moment,
the Tendos and Ranma were all gathered around the table sipping tea. Nabiki and
Akane were in pajamas, Ritsuko and Kasumi in housedresses, Ranma in her red
Chinese shirt and black pants, and Soun in his typical brown gi. A toothbrush
stuck out of the corner of his mouth as he listened to Akane’s account of what
the Ring had told her. He hadn’t really blinked since she had started and he
seemed to be in an advanced state of catatonia, but otherwise he seemed to be
taking it well.
Nabiki, being
the polar opposite of a morning person, looked particularly disheveled and was
trying desperately to keep from drifting into insurmountable confusion. Just
yesterday, her mother had been a decade dead, communist squirrels and invisible
dogs did not exist, and her elder sister’s personality had been the result of
quirky genetics and upbringing and not the direct effect of contact with a
magical artifact. All that changed now.
The only thing that kept her from going over the edge was the thought
that Kasumi had been a human-sized bigfoot with pink and purple
polka-dotted fur for a good ten years now, and by comparison, the other things
weren’t really all that strange.
When Akane was
finished, Soun finally blinked and took the tooth brush out of his mouth,
placing it absently into his tea cup. “I...I had no idea...” he muttered, “I
thought she loved me and that she just changed for my sake. I mean to tell you
the truth, I was glad when her friends from the gang started coming by to pick
her up. I thought she was more herself then, more the woman I fell in love
with...and of course Kasumi came by to help with the housework around that
time...and then...”
“But Daddy, we
all saw the body. We touched the
body. She couldn’t have faked that. That was real.” Nabiki protested. Her voice
was measured and calm, but her eyes held great emotion.
“I don’t know,”
Ranma began before turning her cup of tea three times and sipping from it.
After swallowing and smiling her approval to Kasumi, she continued. “There was
this medicine over in
Soun nodded
sagely. “Yes...she could have slipped out before the incinerator...”
“No, Daddy she couldn’t
have.” Nabiki shook her head. “We had a viewing remember? there
wasn’t a single moment when Mom wasn’t supervised.”
“You’re
right...” Soun’s eyes widened. “Gods! What if she was
still alive when they put her in the oven?”
Akane, Nabiki,
Ranma, Kasumi, and Ritsuko, the squirrel on Nabiki’s shoulder, all looked at
Soun with confusion for a moment.
There was
creaking on the stairs as Genma descended.
In his martial
arts gi he walked to refrigerator, opened it, took out some juice, and drank it
from the carton.
There was a
growling noise from Ranma’s general direction and Genma hurriedly put the
carton back in the fridge and bolted out the front entrance, the sound of heavy
paws skittering after him.
“Oh wait...she’s
alive now. She couldn’t have been in
the incinerator!” Soun announced.
Everyone around
the table, including Kasumi, nearly fell over in amazement at Soun’s apparent
stupidity.
“Really, Daddy,
try to keep up, this is about Mom!”
“I know, Nabiki,
I’m sorry. Must be getting old heh heh.” Soun scratched the back of his head.
“Wait a minute.
You’re not surprised at this at all!” Nabiki frowned. Slowly she raised her
hand, pointing at her father. “You know something.”
Outside there
was a cry of pain and a splash of water. There were a few barks and weird
annoyed-sounding growfing noises.
“Well?” Nabiki
crossed her arms. “Out with it, Daddy.”
“Okay, okay! I
guess you girls are old enough to know now. Your mother’s not really dead.”
“That’s what I
was just telling you!” Akane protested.
“Yes, well your
mother and I...we didn’t want to go through a long messy divorce. We thought it
would be easier on all of you in the long run if we just...faked her death.”
“So...you and
Mom staged the whole funeral?”
“Yes!” Soun
sobbed.
Ritsuko’s
rodent eyes were brimmed with tears, “How romantic!” she chittered.
“Just how is that romantic?” Nabiki asked of
the creature on her shoulder.
“It’s like Romeo
and Juliet! Star-crossed lovers, thrown together by fate, but
destined to live in separate worlds. So Juliet fakes her death so she
can later elope with Romeo without their families knowing about it. Romeo finds
her in the crypt, she wakes up and they run off to a far off town and live
happily ever after!”
“Hey!” Akane
pointed at the squirrel accusingly, “That’s not how it goes at all!”
“Yes it is! I
should know; I’ve heard the story told the same way verbatim at least twenty
times.” Ritsuko smoothed the front of her house dress and rubbed the fur of her
ears matter-of-factly. She turned to Nabiki, “Are there any more potato chips?”
Akane looked
strange for a moment. “Oh,” she said finally, “Ringu-chan
says that she never liked how the original version ended...” The Ring had of
course been the one who first told the story to the first sentient squirrel.
“Pretty well
read for a piece of jewelry,” Nabiki commented, “And, no, Ritsuko, there aren’t
any more potato chips. No payment without service.” Nabiki closed her eyes,
swallowed and slowly opened them again. “Now, Daddy, you were saying about
faking Mom’s death?”
“It really
wasn’t hard at all, physically. Just as Ranma said, she took a pill; it
appeared as if she were dead for a while, and then she
woke up. But the funeral was so real! And that last night when she stepped out
of her coffin so gracefully, like an angel...I begged her to stay, but of
course the matter was already decided...I miss her so much!”
A harried
looking panda limped into the living room and collapsed, doing a passable, if
somewhat lumpy, impression of a bear skin rug.
“Baka,” Ranma muttered.
“Do you mind
explaining to me, Daddy,” Nabiki’s voice was startlingly loud as she advanced
on her father. “What convoluted string of illogic led you to believe that
letting me think my mother was DEAD...was somehow better than just getting a
divorce? Just how is it that you thought making me live through a traumatic
experience, giving me nightmares that stayed with me for YEARS, and making me
keep us from being bankrupt while you ‘grieved’ was going to be BETTER for me
in the long run?”
Ranma couldn’t
help a snicker, “I see now why Pops and you are such good friends, Tendo-san.”
Family Honor barked loudly beside her and she sobered, bowing. “So sorry for being disrespectful father-in-law.”
Speaking to Nabiki,
Soun put tried to explain “It was your mother’s idea...I...”
Akane was too
busy lifting a transdimensional mallet high into the
air to hear. “Daddy no BAKA!”
A loud thud and
a collective wince later, the discussion concerning Soun’s involvement in his
wife’s escape was effectively over.
“Hey,” Ranma
said over Soun’s and Genma’s unconscious bodies, “Shouldn’t we be getting ready
for school?”
~~~~~*~~~~~
“She bitchin sparkified yo! Check it!” Hanako
pointed through the back window of the minivan at the naked Chinese girl on
roller-skates. Hanako had a very slight frame and wasn’t as strong as some of
the other girls, but she made up for it by being both the foulest and most
charismatic member of the gang.
Glancing in the
rearview, Vicious saw what Hanako meant. The girl was not only keeping her
balance on the skates, she was actually catching
up to the van! Granted, Vicious was only going fast enough so that the girl
would only suffer a few broken bones along with massive scarring if she were to
fall, but still...who would have thought that purple was her natural hair
color?
“Go faster,
Vicious!” one of the girls called out.
“Seen, be speedificicious, Missus Vicious!” nodded Hanako.
Smiling, Vicious
slowly let the speedometer crawl upward well into the danger zone. If the girl
made a mistake now she could die, but Vicious doubted that that would happen.
This was the most fun she’d had in a long time. The best part was coming up
though. “Red light’s by-droppin , Yankers,” She told the girls. who now looked ahead
at the stopped traffic with glee.
“Seen!” some of
them said. “How the Chinkster gonna
chug that?”
“Specs like
we’re gonna chug in a tic...” Vicious muttered as she
came to a sudden stop behind a red Daewoo. Almost instantly there was a loud
BANG and a crash sound as the back windshield impacted with the wheels of the
girl’s skates and fell inside...along with the girl.
The girl had
landed in the small space in the floorboard just in front of the rolling door,
having passed over two and a half rows of seats. Everyone stared at her in
amazement. She got up from the floorboard, stooping a little because of the
limited height of the van. She was bleeding from several places but she didn’t
appear at all conscious of her injuries or that she was naked. In fact, that
was at best a secondary issue for everyone else at the moment as well. The
primary issue was that the girl had just done something that none of them would
have even attempted to do in their wildest dreams, and that this girl now seemed
to be pissed.
“I do not wish
to demean your customs,” she growled, her eyes seeming to burn in their
sockets, “but if you do not release me now, I will murder all of you very painfully.”
She jiggled the chain still connected to her wrist manacles for emphasis. “Is
this clear?”
“Eriko, unlock
her.” Vicious commanded. Eriko was the youngest member of the gang and was a
little too haughty for her own good. She needed to be knocked down a few pegs.
“I ain’t chuggin why I gotta do the shit work. I may be shiny but I ain’t tiny.” Eriko was referring to her fighting prowess as
opposed to her actual height. She was indeed one of the best fighters in the
gang. Still, she took off her seatbelt, fished in her voluminous skirt for the
keys and unlocked the naked girl’s wrists. She got a hard right into her left
eye for her trouble.
“I apologize,”
the naked girl said, cracking her knuckles, “Reflexes.”
Eriko in severe pain, reeled into the lap of Mariko, who was the largest and
oldest of the gang excluding Vicious and had a scar running from her forehead
to her left cheek that the white mask didn’t quite cover. “Shove off,
Tit-suck,” Mariko threatened evenly and pushed Eriko into the floor board.
The light turned
green and Vicious started forward, causing the purple-headed girl to grab the
top of the shotgun seat to keep her balance in the Minivan. Eriko crawled back
to her own seat muttering a string of curses.
Vicious drove in
silence for a moment or two before the Chinese girl spoke again in a barely
restrained, menacing tone. “As much as I appreciate your hospitality, I would
very much like to have my clothing returned to me.”
“Your clothes
are back at the Whammy Burger,” Vicious explained, looking into the girl’s eyes
in the rearview, “I really wasn’t expecting you to be so talented. One of the
girls will lend you a school uniform, we like to keep them for torturing the
boys that cross us, but first, what is your name?”
The girl seemed
to relax just a little, like a snake concealing its fangs, but still prepared
to strike. “My name is Shan Pu, Amazon warrior and great grand daughter of Ku
Lon.”
“Amazon?” Hanako asked as she started rummaging
through the uniforms in the back “But don’t
Flicking on the
turn signal, Vicious turned into the
“I’ll have to
let you off here,” Vicious told the Amazon. You just go down Furinkan and then
turn right a block from Tofu’s clinic.”
By the time
Vicious was done with the directions, Shampoo was dressed. It was strange how
normal she looked in the uniform. She even had glue socks and regulation shoes.
It was hard to believe the same outfit had last been worn by a freshman boy who
had “forgotten” to pay Hanako back on a loan.
“This is
satisfactory,” Shampoo nodded, and slid the side door open.
“Sorry
about...all that,” Vicious waved at the broken rear windshield, “but you did
break our window.”
“I understand,”
Shampoo actually smiled, “I worried before that all Japanese women were weak. I
am glad to have been proven wrong.” With that she stepped onto the asphalt. She
paused for a moment, seeming to stare intently at a young red-headed girl in a
pig-tail and Chinese clothes. “Ranma!” She started
waving and running toward the girl.
But the
black-haired girl in the uniform that walked with her, the one with the sour
expression on her face, she looked straight at Vicious through the windshield,
and her expression changed to one of excitement. Vicious felt a wave of
vertigo, it was almost as if she was looking into a mirror of herself some
twenty years ago. She couldn’t hear what the girl was saying but it looked an
awful lot like “Mom!”
“Mariko, close
the door!” Vicious commanded and, putting the van into gear, she squealed out
of the parking lot and into the street.
There was no
denying that girl was Akane, her youngest daughter.
~~~~~*~~~~~
Ranma couldn’t
believe her eyes. Her friend from
“Mom!” Akane called out beside
her, staring at the woman driving the black minivan that Shampoo got out of who
appeared to be wearing some sort of face mask. Ranma did a double take: Akane’s
mom...Shampoo. A triple take: Shampoo... Akane’s mom.
Akane’s Mom was driving Shampoo to
school?
Ranma was
interrupted from her brief confusion by Shampoo’s exuberant embrace. It was a
glomp really, but Ranma returned it heartily, laughing. “It’s been so long,
Shampoo! How did you get here? Are you going to school at Furinkan too? This is
so cool! I missed you, you know. I thought I’d never see you again. Gods!”
Shampoo’s strong
arms continued to squeeze Ranma, her long silken hair brushing against her
cheek. Ranma heard a small sound, a wet intake of breath, barely perceptible
really, but she pushed Shampoo gently away by her shoulders, “What’s wrong,
Shampoo?”
Ranma could tell
she was trying not to cry. “It...it’s nothing,”
Shampoo said. “I just so happy am here! I mean...I’m...so glad to see
you!”
Just then there
was a loud screeching as the minivan sped recklessly out of the parking lot and
into traffic, narrowly avoiding a collision with a Cresta,
the bald headed man in glasses who drove it raising his fist and yelling
ineffectually. Akane chased after the van. “Mom!” She
yelled. “Mom! I’m here! We know you’re not dead, come
back!”
Shampoo raised
an eyebrow. “Missus Vicious is her mother?”
Ranma raised an
eyebrow of her own, “Her name is Missus Vicious?”
~~~~~*~~~~~~
Eriko was at the
gate when Nabiki, Ranma and Akane walked in. Eriko was one of Nabiki’s muscle for those special cases when it was needed. She was a
little kooky, always wearing long dresses over military fatigues and combat
boots, bleaching her hair blond, and wearing face masks. She and Hanako were
both part of some silly gang of violent girls. Unlike Hanako, Eriko’s bleach
job never reached her roots and the light and dark contrast in her hair made
her seem much earthier than her fellow gang member. Eriko also had more bulk,
having the wiry strength and poise of an athlete, while Hanako was almost frail
and smaller despite being a year older. Both of them could be really weird at
times, but Nabiki didn’t care, just as long as they did their job.
Eriko was one of
those people who were so reckless it was impressive. Like today she had a
massive black eye that was so swollen Nabiki was sure she couldn’t see out of
it. To get in a fight so early in the day...maybe it was a little too reckless. “I can’t use you today,
Eriko.” Nabiki said simply in place of any sort of greeting.
“What you mean, Biki? You got a spare b-guard hidden in your uniform?”
“I have other assistants, Eriko. And my assistants cannot help me if people
think they can’t hold their own in a fight.”
“You
talking bout this?”
Eriko pointed to her eye, “But this ain’t fight
make-up! Some huge ass Amazonion Chinky
bitchlet from Hell got pissed and just wailed without
warning!”
“Honestly, I
don’t care how you got that black
eye. It’s bad for business. Come back when it’s healed.” Nabiki walked past the
Yankii girl.
“Come on, I ain’t
even feelin it!” Eriko protested to Nabiki’s back.
Ahead of Nabiki
Hanako approached, yelling out casually, “Oh don’t be panty-twistin,
‘Riko. She’s just givin ya a fuck-me-up is all.” Hanako could have passed for a Junior high student. A good four or five
centimeters shorter than Ranma’s girl side, she looked like the sweetest
little girl you could care to meet...until she opened her mouth that is. Unlike
Eriko, she took her face mask off in school, and did find occasion to speak
normally from time to time. “Everyone knows a black eye is more impressive.
Means you’re not afraid to get in a tussle. Ain’t
that right, Bikikins?”
Nabiki nodded
slowly. She had to keep an eye on Hanako even more than her gang buddy. The
girl was sharp...Nabiki often used her on the more complicated blackmailing
schemes...but she had her own agenda and it was a little like playing with
fire... while sitting next to a gas station.
“Hey there’s a
squirrel on your shoulder, wearing a house dress,” Hanako pointed out, “Let me
get it off for ya.” She picked up a stone.
“That won’t be
necessary,” Nabiki said, “Hanako, Eriko, this is my
newest espionage expert, Ritsuko. Go easy on her, okay?”
“Hi
there!” Ritsuko waved
in a large circular motion. “I would just like to say that I sympathize with
the frustrations of the proletariat and I fully support your rebellion.”
“On second
thought,” Nabiki said, “Go ahead and hit her.”
Hanako grinned
and let loose with the stone, thwacking Ritsuko in the head. “Ow!” Ritsuko
exclaimed. “That wasn’t very nice!”
The three of
them walked for a time, Nabiki filling the two gang members in on the pertinent
information: new student that changes sexes, talking squirrel, Akane more on
edge than usual, on account of her recently having to deal with a piece of
jewelry that had a nasty habit of controlling people’s minds... the usual thing
really. When they approached the parking lot on the way to the assistant
principal’s office, where Ranma would be registering for classes, they ran into
Akane, Ranma and another girl talking animatedly about something.
“That’s the bitchlet, thereways!” Eriko
pointed.
“You mean the
huge Chinese Amazon you were talking about?” Nabiki asked.
“Seen!”
“Is she hiding
behind the bubbly, purple-haired schoolgirl?”
“She is the bubbly, purple-haired
schoolgirl,” Hanako explained, “Only she ain’t
bubbly...or a schoolgirl. We gave her some spare clothes after she owned us
righteously.”
“Never chugged
her for a lesbo,” Eriko mused. “Shoulda sussed it mayhap.”
She was referring to the way the girl was fawning over Ranma, staring at the
pigtailed girl with eyes all googly and taking
advantage of any excuses to touch her.
“The red-head is
Saotome, the one I was telling you about. The one who changes
sexes.” Nabiki explained.
“Ohhhh.” Eriko and Hanako enthused.
They were close
enough to hear what the group was saying now. Akane had just finished insisting
vehemently that “There’s no way my mother would call herself something as
stupid as ‘Missus Vicious!’”
All three of
them stopped dead in their tracks. “Shit cakes on high heat, Biki! Missus Vicious is your mother?” Hanako exclaimed.
“I certainly
hope not,” Nabiki sighed.
“Now that I chug
on it, ya do smack of the Missus...”
Nabiki
purposefully ignored Eriko and rushed toward Ranma, hoping for a distraction.
“Hey, Saotome, who’s your friend?”
“Oh hey, Nabs,
this is Shampoo, my friend from
Akane glanced
briefly down at Shampoo’s breasts and sniffed. “They aren’t that big.”
Hanako gasped.
“Fuck me Amadeus! If you spec her face, Akane looks almost exactly like her!”
Nabiki closed
her eyes and took a breath. “Okay, time out, people. Let me get this straight.
Ranma’s friend from
Ranma nodded,
“Seems like that sums it up...”
Nabiki pulled
out a calculator from her bookbag and started punching buttons, a somewhat
crazed look in her eyes. “Let’s see...faked death...unlikely chance
meeting...cosmic irony...yes, this should be the odds of all this occurring at
once.”
Looking over
Nabiki’s shoulder Hanako pointed at the calculator’s display. “Hey, isn’t that
your telephone number?”
Ranma giggled
and started singing. “Ohhh!
It’s a small world after all! Iiiit’s a small world
after all! Iiiit’s a small world after all; it’s a
small, small world!” Without any potato chips on her person, Nabiki did what
any sensible person would do in her situation...
She passed out.
~~~~~*~~~~~
Vicious drove
the minivan into the construction yard. She was alone with Mariko, as she had
just finished dropping off the two other girls, Toko
and Hoko, at the homeless shelter, where they were doing their community
service. If you asked Vicious, she’d say the law took aggravated assault way
too seriously. Still, the community service was good for the girls. They
weren’t that far away from being homeless themselves after all, and it might
inspire them to do better in school.
Mariko and
Vicious both worked at the construction yard. There were three main reasons for
this. First, women weren’t supposed to work in construction and the Yankii always did what they weren’t supposed to. Secondly,
Vicious and Mariko both had extremely good upper body strength. Vicious got her
strength from her father’s side of the family, Mariko from the steroids she
took in Junior High. Finally, without college degrees, what else were they
going to do? Work as office ladies? That would be even worse than being
married!
Mariko was
silent throughout the trip from the shelter. She was some twelve years younger
than Vicious, though with her harsh, almost masculine features and her somber
expression, she seemed about the same age. She never really talked much, and
most the time that didn’t bother Vicious, but on the way to the yard, Mariko’s
reticence was more oppressive. It was the silence of someone being silent
because they have something to say.
When Vicious
parked and was getting out of the van, Mariko spoke. “I’m quitting the Yankii,” she said.
Vicious paused,
swallowed and leaned into the van to see Mariko’s face.
Mariko took her
mask off, fully exposing the scar that ran along her cheek and revealing her
startlingly full lips. “I’m sick of all this shit. I want out.”
Vicious wanted to
ask again, to be sure what she was hearing was real. But she had always found
it inane for people to ask “what” or “what do you mean?” or “you’re joking
right?” and any number of variations thereof when they already knew perfectly
well what the other person said and what they meant. They were cop out
expressions. Autonomous responses to stimuli. So
instead, Vicious closed her eyes, breathed and accepted what she heard. One of
her best friends was going to leave her.
She sat back in
the driver’s seat, because she didn’t feel up to standing. After a few moments
filled with the sound of rivets and banging and yelling of the world outside
the minivan and nothing else, Vicious asked simply. “Why?”
“I was sixteen
when I joined. I used to look up to you. All the rest of the world was shit,
but when the Yankii were at your house...you didn’t
judge us or nothing. You just took care of us. When you left your kids...dammit I thought that was the stupidest thing I heard. We
all did. But we didn’t say nothing. We didn’t want to
lose you. We didn’t want you to leave us like you left them.
“I know you got
mind fucked. I know you didn’t ask for none of that, but whatever happened, you
became a mom. First to your kids, and then to all of us.”
Mariko turned her face away from Vicious and looked out of the window.
“I’m twenty-five
now. I ain’t into stupid shit like torturing tourists
no more. I keep thinking bout you and your kids...I keep thinking how you got
something really precious and you’re letting it slip away. And I look at
myself... at what the Yankii done for me, and all I
really got to show for it is this scar. That and maybe
knowing you.” Mariko rolled the side door back and stepped out onto the
sunny dust-covered asphalt.
“I’m just sick
of all the shit, like I said. You can have the girls beat my ass tomorrow. Just
one thing...” She turned to face Vicious directly through the doorway. “I want
you to deal the first blow. I’m asking that as a friend.”
The sound of
riveting filled the silence as Kirika nodded. She
wasn’t feeling very vicious at all at the moment. With a slam of the door,
Mariko was gone, and she was alone in the van. Just her and
the reflection in the rear view mirror of the gaping hole that was once the
rear windshield.
She couldn’t
help but think about Akane, Nabiki, even Kasumi whom she only knew for a year
or two before she left. She couldn’t help but think of Soun and how devoted he
was to her.
She would have
to go to Jiro’s Garage tomorrow and get a replacement
for the rear windshield, maybe for the whole back door. It might take several
days and in that time there wouldn’t be any easy way to transport the girls.
Still it would be fixed. What Kirika didn’t know was
how to fix the gaping hole in her soul.
She shook her
head free of the silly thought and got out of the van. That was just leftovers
from the mind control talking. She was Missus Vicious, and she had work to do.
~~~~~*~~~~~
“Stop calling
her that! Her name is Kirika!” Akane yelled at
Hanako, who had just for the fifth time remarked on how similar she looked to
her mother. Akane, Hanako, Eriko, the unconscious Nabiki and Ritsuko were all
outside in the school courtyard while Ranma and Shampoo were getting
registered. It was strange, but as far as Akane could tell, as soon as Shampoo
had seen Ranma she realized she had always wanted to be part of the Japanese
public school system.
Akane hadn’t
realized how early she had gotten to school. She usually avoided it until the
last minute and then tried to blame being late on Nabiki or some unforeseen
circumstance that she knew about ahead of time. Usually the stupid boys were
already there, waiting for her to pound them into the dirt but now she had to
wait for them. Uncaring perverted bastards the lot of them. They were really
going to get it now!
“Righto, I getcha, truly. No need to go all fire-engine red on
me.” Hanako held her thin hands up in a placating gesture. “I just can’t
believe I never sussed it before. I mean, shitpickles, I was just telling Eriko here the other day
that you’d be a perfect yankii...”
“She ain’t joshin ya.
Just t’other day she spurted that very thing.” Eriko
nodded.
“Just shut up!
Both of you! I am not now, nor will I ever be, part of your stupid gang. And
why can’t you just talk normally? Honestly!”
Eriko thinned
her eyes, “Hey the yankii ain’t
stupid, and if you spurt that chum again, Vicious’ daughter or no, I’ll glove
you. No diff to me.”
“What did she
say?” Akane asked Hanako, confused.
“Oh, she was
just saying that if you called us stupid again she was going to stick her fist
so far up your ass she’d be able to move your arms and legs with her fingers,”
Hanako offered, helpfully, beaming up at Akane. She made a hole with her right
thumb and forefinger and shoved her left hand upward through it, waggling the
digits. “You know, like a glove.”
“Oh that’s just
sick!” Ritsuko said. Up until now she had been alternating between fanning
Nabiki with a piece of notebook paper and looking surreptitiously around for
potato chip crumbs. “You’re such a cute girl, why must you be so crude? Besides
that’s physically impossible anyway.”
In a flash,
Hanako had Ritsuko by the tail, the squirrel dangling in the air from her fingers, her dress up turned almost covering her small head.
“I suppose you’d like a demonstration?”
Akane’s
estimation of the smaller girl’s skill had risen greatly. Hanako didn’t look
like much... probably not near as strong as Akane, but damn she was fast.
“Put me down,
Hanako-chan! Hurting me won’t do anything to ease your feelings of inferiority.”
Hanako’s
thin, unbleached black eyebrow twitched. “Mayhap it won’t, mayhap it will.”
Ritsuko looked
panicked for a moment as Hanako glared menacingly at her. Finally, as if
shaking herself from a trance, Hanako lightly tossed the squirrel back onto
Nabiki’s blouse.
That was when
they started to show.
First was the
Karate club, followed closely by Judo with one or two Sumo waddling behind. Then some of the more violent groups showed.
The Chemistry
club looked suspiciously smug today, their glasses gleaming with evil intent.
The male members
of the Furinkan dance club, all two of them, pirouetted menacingly in the
shadow of a laughing statue.
A cadre of
tennis enthusiasts unsheathed their rackets from their zippered cases, resolute
that this day they would spill the blood of tomboy.
The Jazz band,
led by a saxophone player in a tweed jacket, polished and fine-tuned their
instruments of torture, preparing to blare their
supersonic notes of death until their quarry crumpled in submission at their
feet.
From almost
every facet of school life they came. Different as they were from one another,
they were united by a common goal, and all were sure that today they would not
be thwarted, today they would stand victorious and all others would bow before
them in deference to their greatness. Almost as one, they ceased their sounds
of preparation and stared stonily at their destiny.
The minute hand
on the clock tower jittered as if in anticipation, and then finally clicked
into place. At exactly
“AKANE, I LOVE
YOU!”
“I HATE BOYS!”
And the
multitudes slammed against Akane with all the power of an island village
against a hurricane.
The boys were,
of course, prepared for some level of violence. In point of fact, many, if not
most of them went through the ritual so that after receiving whatever
debilitating blow the young Tendo dished out, they would be coddled by their
girlfriends and maybe have their first sexual experience. Sure this was pretty
dumb and yes, many girls were not in the least bit impressed. On the other
hand, hardly any of these girls had boyfriends. It was a self-propagating
system for which Akane was merely the catalyst.
Unfortunately
the boys had picked a bad time to engage in their bizarre mating ritual,
because this time there were two other card carrying tomboys at Akane’s side,
and both were itching for a fight.
It wasn’t
pretty.
Bodies flew,
blood spilled, teeth launched out of mouths...Several of the boys found themselves twisted into positions they could not get out of.
The sound of cracking bones, of exploding concrete, of ear-splitting high C’s,
of the screams with flesh pounding accompaniment, filled the air like marijuana
at a rock concert.
By
“Cunnilingus
crabcakes!” Hanako said, “That was the best fight I’ve had in months!”
“Seen,” Eriko
nodded. “Gonna hafta head schoolwards more often, ere this keeps up.”
“I didn’t need
your help.” Akane grimaced.
“Help? What help?” Hanako asked, “We saw a
fight starting and joined in to kick some ass. ‘Sides you can’t keep this to yourself
anymore now that we know you’re Vicious’ daughter. You’re a yankii
by default, you ken?”
“No...I’m
Akane...” Akane said, confused as she made her way over the unconscious bodies
toward the school. The two yankii girls followed
alongside her.
Hanako laughed,
“Nah I knew that. I was asking if you kenned me. You know as in understand?”
“Gods! What happened here?” Ranma said as he
and Shampoo entered the scene. Ranma had changed into male form for the
edification of the assistant principal, who did not know of Jusenkyo curses.
The assistant principal, Washi-san was his name, agreed that it was best that
Ranma be registered as a girl despite what it said on his birth certificate.
Genma would have screwed up the registration somehow if Ranma had let him do
it, but as it was it went relatively smoothly for him.
Shampoo, on the
other hand, had a few problems. She had snuck on board a cargo ship from
When they left the office, they heard the sounds of fighting and ran out to see
what was going on. Ranma had completely forgotten to change back into his girl
form.
“We took care of
it,” Akane said tersely.
Ranma surveyed
the damage. He went to one of the fallen, a jazz band member, and winced in
sympathy as the boy attempted to remove a trumpet from a private place. Ranma
couldn’t really tell if it was a trumpet for sure...he could just about make
out the mouth piece... “You don’t think you went a bit too far?”
“Measure once, cut twice, that’s our motto, hot boy.” Hanako replied.
“You really that red-head from before?”
Ranma nodded. He
looked back at Akane, “You know just because your mother’s the leader of their
gang, you don’t have to join them.”
Akane’s eyes
narrowed in anger. “I can do whatever I want, you freak!”
Ranma shook his
head, “These are just kids, Akane! Most of them probably haven’t practiced the
Art once in their entire lives! Even if they were all attacking you, you didn’t
have to be this brutal.”
A low growling
emanated from Ranma’s side.
Shampoo placed a
hand on Ranma’s shoulder. “The girl is unskilled. No doubt she knows nothing of
pressure points or simple knock out blows. It is likely this is the only way
she saw to defeat her attackers.”
“She knows better,” Ranma contested in
Mandarin. “She did this out of pride.”
“Then nothing will come of lowering her self
esteem,” Shampoo replied.
Ranma nodded
slowly, “You’re right. I wasn’t seeing the big picture.” Turning to Akane he
put his hands together and bowed. “I apologize. I judged you without knowing
the whole situation. If you could just explain to me what happened, maybe I
could understand.”
“You don’t need
to understand,” Akane shot back. “You’re just an unwanted house guest. I hardly
know you. You’re just as bad as Kuno, you think you’re so much better than
everyone else, so much more honorable. I’ve heard it all before, you pervert.
And I’m not taking it anymore, you hear me?”
Ranma frowned.
“Who’s Kuno?”
“He’s a royal
stick in the ass,” Hanako said.
Nabiki joined
the group, rubbing her forehead. “Are you talking about Kuno-chan?” She looked
around at the aftermath of today’s battle and grimaced. Looking to Ranma she
explained, “Yes, this is all more or less his fault. He thought Akane was too
much of a tomboy and challenged her to get her to stop fighting people. When
Akane won, he went off the deep end. During a speech competition he declared
that if anyone wanted to date Akane, they’d have to defeat her in combat. He
claimed this was to get her to stop fighting but of course it didn’t work. No
one was able to defeat her. Kuno sort of developed a crush on her since then,
or maybe he always had it, but now he fights her just so she’ll go out with
him. Kind of sad really.” Nabiki stretched her arms
over her head and let them fall to her sides. “Understand that I would have
charged you for that if I wasn’t afraid your friend Fido
was going to use my little sister as a chew toy.”
“Her name’s
Family Honor,” Ranma corrected.
“Yeah...I know.
It’s a...never mind” Nabiki waved it off. “Anyway it’s nothing to worry about.
We just have a lot of masochists at our school.”
“Masochism,
huh?” Ranma said. “I
never understood that. I mean why would someone willingly subject themselves to
a beating just because they like a girl?”
“There are many
boys like that in my village,” Shampoo nodded, “I find them completely devoid
of intelligence.”
Ranma suspected
Shampoo was thinking of one boy in particular, but he knew better than to
mention the name.
“Maybe if you’d
ever been in love, you’d understand!” Akane snapped.
“Akane, you know
I love your older sister very much...” Ranma said crossing his arms.
“No you don’t!
You can’t! You’ve only known her for what, a day? You’re just using her so you
and your stupid panda father and your rabid dog can freeload off us!”
Before Ranma
could say anything, there was a blur of motion and Akane snatched something out
of the air. A Rose. She threw it to the ground.
“Kuno,” She seethed.
Dark clouds came
in from behind the clock tower of the school “The toll of the bell at the
Nabiki snuck
away toward the school were she wouldn’t be as likely to get rained on or
accidentally cleaved in two by a stray hit of Kuno’s
bokken.
“They should
learn their limitations,” Kuno continued.
“Get out of my
way, Kuno,” Akane said, “I’m not in the mood right now.” She attempted to pass him,
but he blocked the way with his wooden sword.
“Well then,
Tendo Akane,” He swung the sword gracefully into a ready position. “Will you
spar with me?” Kuno apparently couldn’t hear too well with his eyes closed as
they were.
“Hey! Let her
pass, Dickweed!” Hanako yelled.
“Seen. Else we gonna
do some gardening.” Eriko nodded.
“This is my
fight, okay? Stay out of it.” Akane got into a ready stance.
“This is the guy
who made the challenge huh?” Ranma nodded to Kuno, his arms still crossed. His
invisible dog began to growl again beside him.
“Leave Family
Honor out of this!” Akane yelled. “He wants a spar,” She leveled her gaze at
the would-be samurai, “he’ll get one.”
Kuno opened his eyes, he pointed his bokken at Ranma. “You
there! Aren’t you being awfully familiar with Akane-kun?”
“My apologies
for not introducing myself,” Ranma bowed. “My name’s Saotome Ranma of the
Anything Goes School of Martial Arts. I’m engaged to Akane’s sister, which is
how I know Akane. I would like to make a formal challenge to you, but not just
yet. Family Honor would not be satisfied if I attacked under the current
circumstances. If you will permit me, I and my colleague here,” Ranma gestured
to Shampoo, “will continue on to our classes.”
“Very well, you
may pass, but know that I, the rising star of the world of fencing, captain of
the Furinkan Kendo club, Junior in class E, with strength beyond measure, and a
voice that can silence a crying child, whose peers call him the Blue Thunder!”
A flash of lightening arced behind the boy as he held his sword pointed toward
the heavens. “...I, Kuno Tatewaki, age seventeen will
be awaiting your challenge, and when we next meet you shall taste defeat.”
“Hey, that
rhymed!” Ranma said.
“Of course,” replied
Kuno. “Every word I speak is poetry.”
“Um...right...”
Ranma turned to Eriko and Hanako, “You’ll take care of Akane if she gets hurt?”
“Yeah, we ain’t gonna babysit
her or nothing but we’ll haul her off if she needs hauling,” Hanako nodded.
“Fine,” Ranma
turned back to Kuno and Akane. Bowing to both of them he said, “I wish you both
glory in the coming battle,” and left.
“I wonder how long it will be before they’re
dating.” Shampoo said in Mandarin.
“Akane and that boy with the stick?
Never would be my guess,”
Ranma replied.
“I just know how easily hate can turn into
love.”
“Heh. I suppose you’re right. I mean you used
to hate me and now we’re best friends!”
Shampoo smiled
slightly, trying not to look too wistful. “Yes,” she said. “Friends.”
The first
patters of rain began to fall and Ranma stood in front of the doorway long
enough for the curse to activate. A girl once, more Ranma looked up at Shampoo
and smiled. “I’m glad you’re here, Shampoo. I missed you.”
And with that,
they both went inside.
~~~~~[END]~~~~~~
I borrowed a bit
from other series with this one. The yankii I got
from Fruits Basket though I don’t plan on making an official cross in this fic.
I’m almost positive that the real Yankii, (if there
is such a thing and it isn’t just a name for kind of person on the same level
as “goth” over here would be) are completely
different from how I depict them here. If this fic reflects reality in any way
I’ll be shocked:-)
When Shampoo
first meets the Yankii Eriko calls her “chinpoko-jin.” Now, I really try to keep my Japanese use to
a minimum but sometimes I can’t help myself. “Chinpoko”
is, as any student of
A good bit of
the Yankii accent I lifted from Tad Williams’s Otherland series, and Mr Williams deserves credit for making some truly awesome
characters there. I altered the accent a bit, and I might have gone over board,
but it was fun.
Finally, there was an obscure reference to GTO, which is of course one of the
greatest anime in the universe and it’s creators also
deserve credit; so I’m giving it here.
At the moment,
this chapter is unreviewed. It would warm the cockles
of my heart, whatever those are, to get some feed back on this. In other words...
C&C would be
greatly appreciated.