An Interview with Irresistible's Donnie Pfaster

For several months IWAXF had been attempting to schedule an interview with the reclusive Donnie Pfaster. Featured in The X-Files episode "Irresistible", Donnie made quite an impression on the viewers...especially the ladies. We were finally given the okay to interview Donnie at the maximum security facility which he now calls home. Unlike the other environments where our interviews have been conducted, this one had an extrememly sterile atmosphere and not only due to prison rules. Donnie seemed to be quite an anal retentive, fastidious sort. His cell was very neat and included a set of shelves, a desk and chair, and the bunk which Pfaster was seated on when IWAXF arrived.

IWAXF: Mr. Pfaster, thank you for agreeing to an interview with IWAXF.

Pfaster: You're welcome. And please call me Donnie.

IWAXF: Alright, Donnie. I noticed that your cell here is quite utilitarian. Don't you find that you have a desire to personalize it a bit?

Pfaster: Not really. I like a sterile look. My personal items are sort of...personal. I don't use them to decorate the place. I just take them out to look at on occasion.

IWAXF: I see. And may I ask what sort of items you consider personal treasures?

Pfaster: Just a few momentos and things I've acquired since my interrment here. Maybe I'll show you some of my collection later.

IWAXF: How have you adjusted to life in this facility? I understand you had a nice house you inherited that was your residence before you found yourself here.

Pfaster: Well, I miss that house. It was my mother's and was a beautiful place. The bathrooms especially. The one on the second floor had a lovely clawfoot bathtub. You don't see that sort of thing as much these days. Mostly showers. That's all we get here. Green tiles. Very institutionalized.

IWAXF: Didn't you find it lonely to live in that big, old house alone?

Pfaster: I found it peaceful. The few people who visited found it a bit spooky. They always thought they saw things...as though an evil entity lived there. I have no idea what they were feeling since it was only myself in residence.

IWAXF: People are often intimidated by old houses. They think of them as haunted. But I suppose this sudden relocation must have been quite a change.

Pfaster: Yes. I've never been much of a social person. Luckily, a man can find quite a bit of solitude in a place like this. I have met some people here who I have certain...interactions with on occasion. In that sense, it's been quite enlightening.

IWAXF: Who are these people? Fellow inmates?

Pfaster: Some inmates I have found to be accomodating. In addition, I have a court-appointed prison psychologist. She has lovely hair.

IWAXF: I'm sorry...accomodating? Maybe you could clarify for myself and the readers what you mean by that term.

Pfaster: Well, I assume you've read some of my file. You probably know that I have a fascination for hair, among other things. After a few months in this facility I found that alliances are formed by an exchange of desires. My desires include hair samples. Maybe this is a good time to show you my collection.

IWAXF: These are the personal treasures we discussed?

Pfaster: They certainly are treasures. Trophies, you might say. That's one of the things I wanted from my so called "victims". Agent Scully for example had lovely hair that would have been quite a coup to add to my collection. Of course, I wasn't sure if it was treated or not and back in those times I had to bind and gag those who were contributors.

IWAXF: I would assume from that statement that such coersion is no longer required?

Pfaster: Exactly. And look at some of the lovely samples I've accumulated.

IWAXF: Yeah...lovely. Let's get back to your court-appointed psychologist for a moment. These sessions are part of your sentence?

Pfaster: Yes, but she makes it painless. She reminds me of my sisters. She has beautiful hair and I often find myself drifting off and imagining what it would be like to shampoo it.

IWAXF: What sort of things do you discuss in your sessions and do you think that she is helping you in your rehabilitation?

Pfaster: Well, I don't know about rehabilitation. I don't see that I really need rehabilitation. I'll admit that committing a murder is something I should pay for but the rest is nothing more than a harmless fetish. I mean, no one has the right to tell a man what he can or can't keep in his freezer. Right?

IWAXF: I'm afraid I'd have to disagree if the stored item is part of the human anatomy.

Pfaster: Apparently, the courts agree with you. But for most of my sessions my psychologist and I discuss growing up in a family as the only son, with all sisters. And more importantly, we discuss this fetish of mine.

IWAXF: Tell us about your fetish...if you would.

Pfaster: Sure, I don't mind. I just love hair. I love to cut it, shampoo it ,and experience it any way I can. But it's more than just hair. I love all the things that go with personal grooming. Trimming and polishing fingernails, lotions and lip balms, knowing a person's colors. You would be a winter, I think.

IWAXF: I don't really know. I've never been very interested in that sort of thing.

Pfaster: Well, you'd be surprised how many people here have found themselves asking me for advice on their colors and various hair products. People think only women are concerned with looking good but I've made quite a few friends by being a fount of knowledge on just these points.

IWAXF: I notice you have a shelf dedicated to nothing but personal grooming items.

Pfaster: This is only a fraction of what I had before moving into this place. These are just the basics. Lots of inmates use their money to purchase cigarettes but I try to acquire as many of these items as I can. Do you have any idea how much it costs to get a bottle of "Gee Your Hair Smells Terrific" smuggled in?

IWAXF: No idea. But I would assume it's rather pricey since that product hasn't been around for years, has it?

Pfaster: You can still get it blackmarket, so it costs quite a bit even on the outside. From in here the price is astronomical. But you have to make these sacrifices sometimes...even if it is for shampoo.

IWAXF: Have you always had this fascination with hair and hair products?

Pfaster: Since I was a kid. I remember one of my favorite toys was actually one I had stolen from my youngest sister. It was this doll whose hair would grow when you pulled on it. It just sort of wound out of her head. I loved that doll. I spent hours doing her hair. Of course, my parents never knew about my secret. In fact, no one ever really suspected me. That's the advantage of staying quiet. People seem to look right past you and never consider you.

IWAXF: Well, that sounds a bit sad.

Pfaster: That's one of the great things about coming here. I feel like my personality is an actual advantage in making friends and contacts. I guess some of the guys probably think I'm a sissy but early on I made a friend who could offer protection and since then I've been untouchable. And all it cost me was a bottle of "Pert".

IWAXF: What sorts of things do you do with your solitary time?

Pfaster: Well, in the prison library they've just installed some computers. I got myself a web-based email account and I spend some time emailing and surfing the web. I'm thinking of setting up a web page.

IWAXF: That sounds great. And constructing web pages can be a blackhole for time so I would guess it would be just the sort of thing to keep you busy.

Pfaster: That's true. I can do some of the design and writing in my cell and spend my library time actually uploading and downloading material for my page. I may have a section about finding out what your best colors are so you should consider surfing in when I get it up and running. I still think you are a definite winter.

IWAXF: I'll have to do that. I guess that about wraps up the interview unless there's anything else you'd like to add.

Pfaster: No. I think you've probably helped me put the best spin possible on things. I guess your readers have an impression of who I am and I hope they realize I'm not that different than the average beauty college graduate. Just doing prison time.

IWAXF: Okay, Donnie. Thank you for your time and good luck to you.

Pfaster: My pleasure. And thanks for discussing my future homepage. You just can't buy advertising like that!

February 27, 1998