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    You know how Lemonite Jack Ofield is always winning those Emmys for his production work over at SDSU. Well, maybe in the next batch of "The Short List," he could include "The Sewer Show," now playing all over town! Produced by City Engineer Chuck Stuck, it's a wild story about corrosion and leaks, a plot that's filled with enough twists and turns to keep everyone amused.
    It's a laugh riot, and if you have any doubt, just see Jack Moore's own review The pre-release party was March 11, where "Dapper" Chuck (winner of this year's Annual Tasteful Tie Award) gave us our first peek at some of the seediest lines Lemon Grove has to offer - all filmed with the amazing Sewer Cam! Repeat performances will be at 6 p.m. , April 6, 30 and May 4 at a Community Center (or, if you're really unlucky, a toilet) near you!
    You'll laugh, you'll cry! SEE homeowner after homeowner come to the podium to plead with city council, as though it would do any good. HEAR your lovely mayor, Mme. M. strike the gavel as Jay Cochrane gets just a little too pointy with his finger! FEEL the shock of thousands of taxpayers who have been paying the same sewer rates since 1992, when they wake up to the horror of property tax increases and the heartbreak of sewer rehabilitation! It's no wonder that Joe Naiman and Greg Eichelberger give this one two big appendages up!
    Was anyone surprised at the winners of The Lemon Grove Chamber of Commerce's Leadership Awards? I didn't think so. If you wondered why the event was held on foreign soil, so did I, but I just figured it had something to do with NATO, given the timing and all. Anyway, the winners were: Boll Weevil of Lemon Grove (Favorite Place to Belch Cold Beer and Eat Like a Pig while Watching Dueling Televisions Award); RCP Block and Brick (The Business That Moved Ever So Slightly Award); Lemon Grove Plaza (Leased Space to the Same Fabric Store Most Times Award); Councilman Craig Lake (Longest Campaign Award); D&M Welding ("Let Me Just See if I Have This Straight" Award); Bob Holaday (But It Was My Turn To Be President Award); Ilse Hanning (1999 Undersung Heroine Award); Edward & Sandra Burr of EDCO Disposal (You Don't Need No Stinkin' Alarm Clock, John Wood Award); and last but not least, Mary England herself (Might Slice You to Ribbons With These Nails If I Don't Take Home a Plaque Award). but perhaps the biggest award went to San Diego County Supervisor, Dianne Jacob, who mistook award candidate and Lemon Grove Community Contributors/Activists, Little Darlings Nude Cabaret for a JOKE. Dianne snagged the coveted "Foot In Mouth Flippancy" Award. Congratulations to all of this year's winners!
    Here's something you'll want to know right away: Because of road widening in front of the renovation of College Grove Shopping Center, the Chollas Park Annual Country Fair will be postponed until June 3, 2000. Until then, you'll just have to ride your llamas somewhere else.
    Meanwhile, take a break from the election (or any other war) by sending all your press releases and news stuff directly to me at 619-264-3153 (Msg.), 264-4180 (Fax), or e-mail me at cirious@cts.com. You know, online, offline, writing this column is like hitting myself with a hammer, it feels really, really good once I'm done.