When some people write their checks to the IRS on this date each year, they think to themselves, "I'm getting really, really sick of this. It's high time someone created an alternative monetary system that I can live with!"
    For some, this means moving to a log cabin in Montana and holing up with lots of automatic weapons and trying to buy cars with your own homemade vouchers. For others, it's the Lemon Grove Time Exchange Network, which is a bank of donated services. Starting this coming Sunday, you can share your talents and skills with other Lemonites and get credit so that you can draw on your account to get something in return.
    For me, it means trying to get credit for my own special talents, like origami stapling and divining for fine jewelry. But as I'm already overdrawn at the memory bank, I'm not sure where that leaves me in the big scope of things.
    If you'd like more information on this Lemon Grove Project-inspired network, call 619-970-2494.

A few local notes:

• Personal to Steve Baker, first dude and keyboardist extraordinaire: You guys really shook my world Friday nite at Grossmont College - and just the way I like it, too.
• Pollo Loco invites you to drop right in to the five-foot sinkhole in front of their fine establishment. They really know how to keep a captive audience, in their own special way.
• Say, if Liquidator Central is now (and finally, I might add) open for business, why is it closed every time I drive by during what would be considered normal business hours?
• The new Fast Burrito (formerly Alberto's) went by at breakneck speed (or whatever the traffic would bear - honest, officer!) on Broadway when I went by the other day, so I didn't have time to stop and see what their food was like.

    The Lemon Grove Old Time Days Committee will meet from 5 to 6 p.m. every Thursday evening until the event, which is scheduled for May 7 & 8. In the friendly General Booth and Merchandise Guidelines, the very first line under "Items Sold" begins with the conditions under which they can close down your booth. Doesn't make you feel all warm and fuzzy when considering signing up as a vendor for the event? Well, who can blame them? If you can't leave the anthrax and fertilizer products at home, maybe you shouldn't participate in the first place. But if you think you can play nice, come on ahead to one of their meetings and see if your products and services can fit into the picture. If they can't, maybe you should just consider coughing up some money as a sponsor. So far, it's looking pretty good; Scott Carroll has reportedly raised over $20,000 already, and the city is expecting to at least break even on the event this year. I know I'm planning on spending at least that much on the kettle-cooked popcorn they usually have every year.
    Kudos to the Lemon Grove Chamber of Commerce for taking Mary "Boom-Boom" England back on as a paid staffer, instead of as a volunteer who received money because she was working her bunzolas off. Congratulations, chamber board members, for calling it like it really is, and for realizing that nobody is fooled by politically correct nomenclature. Now if you can just get on to producing realistic, consistent budgets and getting rid of any conflict of interest issues, you'll really have improved in my book. I'll be looking forward to more changes and watching for them carefully.
    If you'd like to be politically correct, you're probably reading the wrong column. If you'd like to be a politician (or remain one), be advised that my hip boots are on and my shovel is in hand. I'm ready to write when you're ready to go on record.
    For now, this is the only place where you're going to read the Twist. So, send all your press releases and puff pastries directly to me at 619-264-3153 (msg.), 264-4180 (fax), e-mail me at cirious@cts.com, or visit me at http://www.oocities.org/SoHo/5062. If I can't shake your world, maybe I can at least stir it up a little.