Disclaimers:
Sailor Moon and company don't belong to me, blahblahblah.  Don't sue!  I don't have any money anyway.  :)

As always, this takes place between Sailor Moon R and S, but this time there's a little change: this is the chapter when the conversion from past to present is made.  But don't worry, you shouldn't have any trouble keeping track of things. :)

Oh!  And I finally use the song the story is named after.  Like I said, it's by Shawn Mullins, and no infringement is intended.

Please, please write me and tell me what you think!

I'll just shut up and let you read now.  :x

Later that afternoon, the girls were sitting in the park enjoying a rare quiet moment.  Amy and Raye were studying, Mina and Serena were absorbed in a manga (each, obviously, or there would have been trouble), and Lita was reading a cook book, looking for new recipes to try out on her ever-willing friends.

Tugging at a lock of curly hair that had escaped her ponytail, the brunette suddenly kicked Raye lightly in the shin.  "Well?" she asked, as if the miko would know precisely what she was talking about.

"Well what?" Raye asked blankly.

"Have you told Jay about us?" she demanded.

"You just met him yesterday, Lita.  One too many shock-treatments affecting your memory?" she asked sweetly, her eyes glittering with amusement.

"Funny, pyro.  I meant have you told Jay about the other side of us?"

This caught the other girls' attentions, and each one looked up from her book, and Raye found herself staring back at four pairs of questioning eyes.  "Iie, of course I haven't!  I know being a Sailor Scout is a secret, and I would never tell him."

"Never?" Serena questioned.  "I don't know what I would do if I couldn't tell Darien about being Sailor Moon."

"Well I'm not you, meatball head.  I'm perfectly capable of keeping this secret to myself, and that's what I intend to do.  Besides, telling him would only put him in danger... and that's the last thing I want."

"You should tell him," Mina spoke up, drawing an astonished look from Raye.  "I'm serious!" she defended hastily.  "If you don't, he's going to suspect something's up eventually, and you'll make up stuff to tell him, and that'll lead to mistrust and that will ruin your relationship!  I've always found that honest people make the best police," she said, perfectly serious as she completely massacred the saying.

"Isn't being a Scout more important than some boy?" Lita asked with a frown, the memory of past heartbreaks manifesting itself through bitterness towards love.

"Jay isn't just 'some boy'!" Raye cried before she could stop herself.  She frowned and looked away, small white teeth digging into her lower lip.

Serena smiled over at her friend.  "You really like him, ne?" she asked gently.

She nodded slowly.  "I've never felt this way before... and I'm afraid, like Mina said, that being a senshi will come between us."

"You must be careful with what you tell him, Raye.  We don't know enough about him..." Amy cautioned.

"If he were an enemy, I think I could pick that up with my sixth sense, Amy."

"There's more out there than just the Negaverse.  He could be anything!  A reporter, a stalker... you just need to be careful."

"That's true with anyone, Ames.  Don't worry... the last thing Jay Dalinger is is dangerous."

"I agree with Mina," Serena said after a moment.  "You should tell him."

Raye shook her head violently.  "Nai, Serena, I can't!  He probably wouldn't believe me anyway."

"Talk about losing memory... your brain must be charred!" Lita cried.  "Have you forgotten about that handy-dandy little power you have known as transformation?  If he doesn't believe you, show him!"

"It's more than that, Lita," she said, ignoring her friend's payback barb, "I can't tell him because then he would know.  Knowledge is dangerous when there are people out there who would like to see me dead."

"So you're not going to tell him?" Amy asked.

Raye sighed and rested her head in her hands, tired of thinking, tired of being unsure.  "I only have one choice," she finally whispered, jumping up from the ground.  "I have to go talk to Jay!" she told her friends, running from the park.

"So I guess she decided to tell him," Mina said brightly.  "I love it when people follow my advice!"

"I have a bad feeling about this," Serena replied softly, watching her dark-haired friend as she ran away from them.

"Raye?" a familiar voice called, the sound echoing through the empty, silent temple.

"Hai, Jay," the priestess replied from the main room.  "I'm in here."

"I was so glad when you called," he said, coming around the corner and into her view.  He went to her and leaned over for a kiss, but she stepped away, turning her back to him.  "Is something wrong?" he asked, brow creased in confusion.

Raye didn't reply, and he couldn't see the sadness in her onyx eyes as she questioned her decision for the millionth time.  Am I really doing the right thing?  Yes, it's the only way.  But maybe it's not!  It is.  Now get it over with.  She turned to face him with a cold, set expression and said, "Jay, I don't think this is working out."  Though the words broke her heart, her voice was tight and emotionless.

Jay's eyes widened in disbelief.  "What do you mean?  Are you breaking up with me, Raye?"

Deciding anger was as good a self-defense mechanism as any, she said haughtily, "Hai, that's exactly what I'm doing.  I just think you and I don't have enough in common and aren't compatible.  I'm sorry."

He looked as though she had pulled his heart from his chest and stomped it into a bloody pulp.  "Is there someone else, Raye?  Please be honest with me. This just seems so sudden... did I do something to make you angry?"

"Iie, no one else.  I simply don't have time for a relationship right now, as I told you the first time you asked me out.  Now please, Jay, I have chores to get to."  She turned away again and grabbed her broom.

"But, Raye..."  He trailed off, unsure what to say, and finally told her softly, "Ai shiteru, Hino-san."  She said nothing, and he left the temple quickly, not wanting her to see his tears, or how much she had truly hurt him.

Raye turned, tears streaming down her cheeks, and whispered, "I love you too, Jay."  Dropping the broom, she ran down the temple's halls and threw herself on her bed, sobbing out all her pain and anger and frustration.

*******************************
"I can't believe it's only been a week since I broke his heart... and mine.  It seems like two years, or two centuries!  Gods, I hate myself and my stubbornness sometimes.  Mina was right: I should have told him.  I should have told him everything, but now it's too late.  Now I've lost him...

"Hai, Serena, Raye Hino can admit when she's done wrong.  And Gods have I done this all wrong!  He loved me, but by now he's probably drawn horns on all my pictures and had me declared Bitch of the Century.  Why was I so cruel to him?  Why didn't I just explain that there are things about me he can never know, things I can never tell him?  Why didn't I tell him how much I love him?  That might have softened the blow a little bit.

"But no, I had to be cold and cruel and harsh simply to make it hurt me less. Well that plan didn't work either!  His pain is my pain, and I don't think I've ever hurt anyone as much as I hurt him.  Maybe I should call him.  Nai, he would probably hang up on me, and I don't believe I could bear that
humiliation.

"I should forget him.  I should move on.  I should do my chores before Grandpa kills me.  I've spent enough time moping over Jay Dalinger.  It's time to remember who I am, to remember and be proud.  I am enough without him!  Aren't I?"  This was the final straw, the final bit of whining that pushed Raye over the edge of frustration.  She threw her pen down and returned the journal to its place under her mattress with an angry shove.

Worrying over the past had never changed anything in her life before, so why should this situation be any different?  She had work to do, responsibilities as a miko, a student, a friend and a Sailor Soldier.  A Sailor Soldier... joy, she thought cynically, part of her blaming Sailor Mars for the break up with Jay.

Raye's meandering course took her out of the temple and behind it, back to her grandfather's garden.  The summer flowers were in full bloom, and the sight of the roses made her heart ache.  She reached out to touch a delicate blossom, but a sudden breeze blew through the bush and she pricked her finger on a thorn.  "Itai!  Kuso!" she whispered fiercely, sucking on the sore fingertip.

"I guess it goes to show you can't trust anything, no matter how lovely it appears to be on the surface."

She whirled around, dark eyes wide.  "What are you doing here, Jay?" she asked, struggling to keep the emotion from her face and voice.

"I came to see you, of course," he replied, his tone casual, his vivid blue eyes unreadable.  "I thought maybe you could give me Lita's number.  I wanted to call for that pie recipe."

"You came all the way over here to ask for Lita's number?  You could've just gone by her apartment," she said stiffly, careful not to meet his eyes.

"Gomen nasai.  It's obvious I shouldn't have come."  He bowed respectfully and turned to go -- this time, she sensed, forever.

Raye chewed on her lower lip for a moment, wondering, before coming to a decision.  "Matte!" she called to him, and he stopped in his tracks, slowly moving around to face her.  "I..." she trailed off, not knowing what to say.  "I just can't let you go," she finally admitted.

He ran to her then, scooping her up in his arms and kissing her a thousand times.  "My beautiful Raye," he whispered between kisses, "my sweet miko, my stubborn firefly... Gods, Raye, you nearly killed me."

"Gomen nasai, Jay, I'm so, so sorry!  I love you so much, but I... it frightened me and I handled everything all wrong," she tried to explain.  "There are so many things you don't know about me, and so many things I can't tell you."

His blue eyes clouded in concern as he realized how serious she was.  "You can tell me anything, Raye, don't you know that?"

"Nai, it's not like that... I trust you, it's just that... some secrets aren't mine alone, do you see?"

Jay nodded slowly, though he didn't really understand, and took her face in his large, warm hands.  "It doesn't matter, firefly.  I know you'll tell me when you can, ne?"

She smiled beautifully and he felt his heart melt.  "Hai, I promise," she declared, tipping her head back for his kiss.  Their lips met and her arms went around his neck, fingers tangling in his thick blond hair, as their tongues created a fire between them.  Raye pulled away from him, her face flushed and her eyes stormy.  "Let's go inside," she whispered, taking his hand.

Later as they lay in a tangle of covers on her bed, Raye rested her head against his chest and sighed contentedly, letting the warm, soulful voice of Shawn Mullins wash over her.

"Let me touch you," he sang, "Put my hands on you.
I'll kiss you and we'll see things through.
Would you lay with me,
Would you lay with me till the sun peeks through the blinds?
We can stay right here till our heads are clear;
We can lose all track of time."

Jay chuckled softly.  "Rather fitting, ne?" he asked, squeezing her gently.

She nodded sadly, longing to have the freedom to "lose all track of time" as she lay in his arms.

"You are silenced by your memory,
And if I lose you, I lose a part of me.
I can save the world,
I can save the world, but I just can't save myself."

Raye smiled, thinking of her role as Sailor Mars.  How true it was... she could save the world, but she had nearly destroyed herself by trying to sabotage her relationship with Jay.  Thank the Gods he'd come to the temple that day with his silly excuse... thank the Gods she'd had sense enough to prevent him from leaving.

"So I write these lines -- metaphors and rhymes --
till I think of something else.
Is there really nothing else?"

Nai, Shawn, her mind whispered, there is something else... Jay has proven that to me.

"I am here now,
You've got the best of me.
So go ahead now,
Go ahead and take the rest of me.
There are two of us,
There are two of us -- it's the cycle of our souls.
Yet we try and change and rearrange the way the story goes.
That's the way the story goes..."

Two of us... she thought, just like with the girls and I... there are two of each of us.  Suddenly she realized Jay was saying something to her, and she jerked herself from her train of thought.  "Nani, koibito?" she asked.

"I said I brought a gift for you.  Shall I go get it?"

She grinned and poked him in the ribs.  "I thought you came to get Lita's number.  Are you saying you made that up?"

He laughed and stood to pull a small black box from the pocket of his jeans.  "I'm saying that I'm a terrible cook, and that I would never want to ruin Lita's delicious recipe.  Here you go," he said, handing it to her with a sheepish grin.

Raye gasped and opened it carefully.  What she saw made her world seem to stop moving.  "What... what is this?" she finally managed.

"I know you're too young to get married, Raye -- and I am too, I think -- but I just wanted you to have something to let you know how much I love you, and that... that I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with you.  Kind of a... a pre-engagement ring, ne?" he explained quickly.

She stared down at the beautiful ring -- silver, with a bright ruby set between two wings, a diamond on each one -- and tried to process what she was seeing.  It's not possible! she thought.  She shook her head, glancing up at him, and as her onyx eyes met his sapphire ones, she knew.  "Jadeite," she whispered, her voice as cold and hard as the stone he was named for.

"Iie, silly," he said, a little confused, "it's not jadeite.  It's silver, diamonds and a ruby... I thought the red would suit you.  If you don't like it, I can get another one..."  He trailed off, realizing that something was
very wrong.  "Raye, what is it?" he asked after a long moment.

"You lied to me!" she cried, pulling the blanket around her body and jumping from the bed.  "How could you?!  How could you make me fall in love with you?  After what you did, I should blast you away!  I thought you were dead.  I was glad you were dead.  Get out!"

"What are you talking about, Raye?  I never lied to you, and I've certainly never been dead!" Jay said, worried that she'd lost her mind.

"Liar!" she screamed.  "Get out!  Get out of my temple!  I never want to see you again, traitor!"  She shoved him out the door and threw his clothes and the box after him.  "Stay away from me if you value your life," she hissed, slamming the door in his face.  Raye collapsed onto her rumpled bed and cried
even harder than she had a week before, the memory of her most recent Silver Millennium dream flooding through her...

End V

Part VI
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