Author:
LeatherGirl
Disclaimer:
I do not own Farscape or anything associated with Farscape.
FNS
Regulars know what an Aurora Barstool is…do you? Join us today! http://www.oocities.org/fellipnectarstand/regulars.html
*****
Setting:
The Big Bangalow
Characters:
John, D’Argo, Rygel, Pilot, and LeatherGirl
**
[The
Big Bangalow is completely stocked with heated Aurora Swirls, sparkling blue,
silver, and white alcohol that magically swirls as you drink it from a clear
flask. A large group of Scapers, FNS
Regulars, and everyday average aliens from the UT are engaged in UT Style
Frisbee on the golden sandy beach. Warm
foamy waves of green sparkling water wash onto shore as the three suns blaze
down onto the Bangalow bar. Pilot is
serving up Aurora Swirls as John, D’Argo, and Rygel lazily enjoy their vacation
from the females on Moya. A huge sand
sculpture of a mythical dragon creature stands tall near the bar, with trailing
waterfalls of Fellip Nectar swirling down into flasks for the taking. Moya and Talyn have written a message in the
blue sky above with clouds of Amnxia.
In a mix-up, they have written in Luxan language, the following message:
“Happy Birth Day LeatherGirl”. Hey, at
least they know how to spell!]
John: [Stares at his flask of Aurora Swirls with
surprise.] “Might as well start a drink
of the weeken, Pilot. These are too
frelling good!”
Rygel: [In a rye voice.] “Even though I cannot nor care to fathom what the human is
speaking of, I must agree!” [Taps a
flask with John and they both drink down the hatch.]
Pilot: [Nods, pleased.] “Thank you. I used
leftover….”
D’Argo: [Holds hand out to stop Pilot.] “I don’t think we need to know the
ingredients, Pilot.”
Pilot: [Appears offended.] “But I used all eleven ingredients, with
some minor modifications of course, of Crichton’s KFC recipe.”
[All
three spit out the alcohol in their mouths and groan.]
John: “What kind of modifications?”
Rygel: “Please…spare us! I’d rather eat Hynerian Donkey Dren!”
D’Argo: “That’s not a far stretch from your
marjoules.”
[Rygel
glares at D’Argo.]
John: [Shakes head.] “Quit it guys.
LeatherGirl’s on her way. We
wouldn’t want to be pissing and moaning over something made in her honor.”
D’Argo: “Pissing?”
Rygel: “Moaning?”
[John
looks to Pilot with irritation across his face. Pilot only stares blankly back, awaiting explanation. A shriek disrupts all four and they turn to
view LeatherGirl viewing the sand sculpture.
With a large smile upon her face, the girl in leather meanders, er,
stumbles her way to the bar. She takes
a seat between John and D’Argo and ruffles an annoyed Rygel’s head. Pilot greets her with a smile and shoves an
Aurora Swirl before her.]
John: “Happy Birthday, LeatherGirl! Let me warn you that those….”
[Before
John can finish, LeatherGirl gulps down the entire drink. She slams the flask onto the counter and
releases a huge “ahhh”. She then tilts
her head, looks to the flask and then looks to Pilot with bewilderment.]
LeatherGirl: “There’s one of you now. Not three like before!”
[Pilot
and others exchange strange glances.
Not even John could decipher that one.]
Rygel: “Fahrbot before she had a chance to do
anything about it."
John: “LeatherGirl, maybe you’ve had a little too
much to…well, you do remember dancing on those tables last night at the Stand,
don’t you?”
LeatherGirl:
[Smiles and laughs.] “Of course not! You’re hilarious, Johnny boy.
No, this stuff…this miracle concoction…I LOVE it! I was sooooo drunk a microt ago. But when I took a swig of this stuff,
voila! Drunkenness and hangover gone
forever! Pilot, you have to patent
this, my friend!”
Pilot: “Patent?
Is that not a structure on the planet….”
D’Argo: [Cuts Pilot off.] “Wait a microt. You’re
telling us that the Aurora Swirls are the cure for hangovers?”
Rygel: “Do you realize what’s in this stuff?”
Pilot: “Styro Foam, Fairy Dust, catnip….”
John: [Cuts Pilot off this time.] “Hell, no more yellow pills, right guys?”
LeatherGirl: “Sure beats Advil, Steak and Eggs, Coffee,
Hangover Soup, ah…you name it, I’ve tried it!”
D’Argo: “Stake and eggs? Surely you don’t eat Hyblets!”
[Rears back in fear.]
LeatherGirl: [Glances at D’Argo strangely.] “D’Argo, dear, I have no frelling clue what
you are talking about. All I know is
that I want a lifetime supply of this Aurora Swirls thingamajig. Then I’m gonna jump into the hot springs
down a ways on the beach.” [Then
glances to John with a flirtatious smile.]
“You’re more than welcome to join me.
Er, all of you, that is.”
[Suddenly,
Scorpius appears behind the group.
Snarling, he threatens to capture John and eliminate his
companions. Wide-eyed, LeatherGirl
ducks as D’Argo swings around his Qualta Blade and John unsheathes his pulse
pistol. Rygel zooms around to hide
behind the bar while Pilot scurries using all four arms to hide with Rygel.]
John: [Points to the sky behind Scorpius.] “Look!
A wormhole!”
Scorpius: [Searches the sky.] “What?
Where?”
[D’Argo
raises his Qualta Blade and rushes to protect John. LeatherGirl does a summersault to land beside him in a fighting
stance. John kicks his barstool over
which in pure domino effect knocks down the next and the next after that. The final stool strikes the support column
of the Bangalow, causing the structure to rattle. The fronds of orange palms begin to rain down from the roof,
disrupting the group’s view of Scorpius.]
Pilot: [Shouts into the air.] “Moya!
We need you!”
Rygel: “Frell!
My stomachs are empty!”
D’Argo: “Dren!
I can’t see!”
John: “Frell me!”
LeatherGirl: “Ah, I’m not going to say anything about
that one!”
Scorpius: “I’ve got you now!”
[Moya
flies low overhead, shaking even more orange palms off but then blowing them
directly into Scorpius. LeatherGirl
karate kicks a blinded Scorpius, knocking him stumbling backwards. D’Argo points his Qualta Blade towards
Scorpius and fires a warning shot. John
then rushes up to the hideous creature and prepares to knock him out with his
fist. Unfortunately, Scorpius is too
quick and captures John, holding him captive with his own Pulse Pistol. Pilot and Rygel peak up over the bar and
then get up to stand behind D’Argo and LeatherGirl.]
D’Argo: “Free him, Scorpius.”
Scorpius: “Or what?”
John: [Snarling.]
“No Happy Meals on the way home.”
LeatherGirl: “Pilot, give me an Aurora Swirl, on the
double!”
Rygel: [Glances at LG in disapproval.] “Now is not the time to be thinking about
alcohol!”
[Frustrated,
LG stares at Pilot until he gathers a flask and hands it to LeatherGirl. As he does so, he holds up the faltering
Bangalow with his other two arms. The
final arm is holding up a barstool in a threatening manner towards Scorpius.]
Scorpius: “This is why I never drink. Foolish imbeciles. The capture of John Crichton was inevitable. What are you going to do about it?” [Laughs evilly, you know, MWAHAHAHA.]
John: [Squirms.]
“I’ll never surrender to the likes of you, leather face!”
LeatherGirl: “Hey Scorpius, what’s blue, silver, white,
and black all over?”
Scorpius: “Certainly not a wormhole. I’m not going to fall for that one again.”
D’Argo: [Looks to LG in question.] “Riddles?
You’re going to defeat him with riddles?”
LeatherGirl: “Just answer me! For frell’s sake it’s my birthday.”
Scorpius: “I already got you a card, what more could
you want?”
Rygel: “Humph!
Already he’s trying to make himself look better than me.”
Pilot: “I got her one, too, Rygel. You should have given her something of your
own because you’d most likely snurch it later on anyway.”
John: “QUIET!”
[Group becomes instantly quiet and looks to John.] “Just answer her question, Scorpius.”
Scorpius: [Sighs.]
“Fine. I don’t know. An infant Nebari?”
LeatherGirl: [Rolls eyes.] “No, you idiot!” [Shakes
head and looks to others before looking back to Scorpius and John.] “Duck!”
[As
Scorpius ponders what a duck is, John instantly obeys and LeatherGirl throws
her flask of Aurora Swirls into Scorpius’s face. Instantly, Scorpius shrieks and grabs his melting face. John ushers away and joins his friends to
watch as Scorpius suffers.]
Scorpius: “I’m liquefying! No!” [He begins to melt
into the golden sand, crying out to the onlookers. Soon, he is nothing more than a puddle of blue, silver, white,
and black. Rygel scoops up some golden
sand and buries the remains quickly.
John and LeatherGirl laugh as Pilot and D’Argo rebuild the Bangalow.]
LeatherGirl: “Whew, that was a close one.”
[The
Bangalow is quickly recuperated and the group is once again sitting with flasks
of Fellip Nectar this time, enjoying one another’s company. D’Argo and the others then reveal a pile of
towering gifts for LeatherGirl, all neatly wrapped. Hey, Chiana had a little time on her hands.]
LeatherGirl: “Ah, gee, thanks guys!”
D’Argo: “Open mine first, it’s from Chiana, Jool,
and I.”
LeatherGirl: [Eyes package suspiciously.] “Wouldn’t happen to be another sculpture of
some kind, now would it D’Argo?” [Rips
open present as D’Argo conceals a smile.
LG gasps and twirls in her hand a crystal sculpture of the Fellip Nectar
Stand, down to the electric sign detail.]
“Frell, D’Argo, this is awesome!
How’d you do it?”
D’Argo: “Chiana thought of it. Jool created the crystal, and I carved
it.” [Smiles.]
Rygel: “Pilot, Moya, Aeryn, and I converged to give
you this.” [Shoves a rather large gift
in front of LG. Smiling with sparkles
in her eyes, LG rips open the gift and gasps.]
LeatherGirl: “What the…a leather duster! You guys, I already…oh, oh wow. This was made in the UT? How the frell did you guys get this!” [Smiles and models the duster for the group.]
Pilot: [Shrugs.]
“We can be very convincing as a leather transport ship. There’s a lot more where that came from!”
John: [Hands LG a very small gift and
smiles.] “Here you go, LG, a little
something from Earth.” [Gives LG a
hug.]
LeatherGirl: [Blushes.]
“You didn’t have to, John. Being
here with you guys was enough for me.”
[LG
proceeds to open the gift and nearly falls off her stool. Hey, she’s even sober this time.]
LeatherGirl: [Laughs.]
“Excellent!”
[Slides
on a small silver ring onto her finger and hugs John back. They wink to each other and then Pilot
reveals a HUGE Fellip Nectar frosted chocolate cake. Twenty-two candles are lit upon the cake, all from Earth. LeatherGirl takes in a huge breath, ignoring
snickering from the others, and blows on the candles. They go out instantly. As
LG turns to look at the others, she notices the candles relighting. Flabbergasted, she looks to John, who can no
longer hold his laughter. LeatherGirl
blows the candles again but to no avail.]
Pilot: “Oh, now I get it!”
LeatherGirl: “Trick candles! I haven’t had those in a long time! Thanks guys…everyone for everything. I had a truly wonderful birthday!” [LG hugs everyone…even Rygel who tries to squirm away.]
D’Argo: “All right.
Let’s par-tay!” [Slams a hand on
the table and the three suns instantly become black and flickering colorful
lights sparkle onto the beach. The
Scapers, FNS Regulars, and even the rest of the FS crew join in behind
LeatherGirl as Pilot and Leviathans begin to play on a nearby makeshift
bandstand. LeatherGirl hugs the
partiers wishing her a happy birthday, while shaking hands with others. Some receive quite the shock! The evening stretches on into oblivion with
fun and pure ecstasy experienced by all.]
*****
Really,
this was a personal account of what happened to me after I was abducted and
taken to the Big Bangalow. I swear! HEHEHE!
If you believe that one, you’re as gullible as Scorpius! Thank you all so deeply for the birthday
wishes and for being such sweet, caring friends! Now, I’m off to eat some birthday cake! :)