Naked Gun: From The Files of Police Squad!
Jane: I heard police work is dangerous.
Frank: It is. That's why I carry a big gun.
Jane: Aren't you afraid it might go off accidentally?
Frank: I used to have that problem.
Jane: What did you do about it?
Frank: I just think about baseball.
Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult
Jane: Now I know why Ed's been calling every half hour. You've been back on a case, haven't you?
Frank: No, no, I swear, it's another woman.
Jane: In your wildest dreams.
Frank: You're Rocko's girl, and in my book that chapter's called "look but don't touch."
Tanya: I could have two lovers.
Frank: Kinky. But I like my sex the way I play basketball - one on one with as little dribbling as possible.
Never Been Kissed
Sam: When you're my age, guys'll be lined up around the corner for you.
Josie: You have to say that because you're my teacher.
Sam: Actually, I shouldn't be saying that because I'm your teacher.
Kirsten: You know the one thing that could ruin my prom?
Kristin: That you would trip on your Barbie heels and I'd be named prom
queen (everyone gasps) Did I just say that out loud?
--submitted by Ryan--
The New Guy
Dizzy: Did we give up when Pearl Harbor was bombed?
Dumb Jock: Hey! I thought that movie made money.
Luther: If you're gonna talk the talk, you gotta walk the walk. Otherwise, you'll be lined in chalk.
Luther: You know High School is a lot like prison: bad food, high fences, the sex you want you're not getting, the sex you're getting you don't want.
Kirk: That is, without doubt, the sluttiest girl I have ever seen.
Glen: You have to do her, and while you're doing her, think of me. Okay, that sounded gay.
A Night at the Opera
Driftwood: That woman? Do you know why I sat with her? Because she reminded me of you.
Mrs. Claypool: Really.
Driftwood: Of course. That's why I'm sitting here with you. Because you remind me of you. Your eyes, your throat, your lips. Everything about you reminds me of you...except you. How do you account for that? (to audience) If she figures that one out, she's good.
Not Another Teen Movie
Black chick: You'd better bring it!
Priscilla: It's already been broughten!
Priscilla: You put the "suck" in "liposuction" You put the "ooo" in "jiu-jitsu" You put the "ism" in "This is all just a defense mechanism".
Dad: Hey, uh, I might be late to pick you guys up.
Janey: Why, do you have a job interview today, Daddy?
Dad: No honey, I'll probably just be way too drunk.
Janey: That's good, we don't want you drinking and driving.
Dad: Oh, I'll be driving. I'll just be too shit-faced to remember to pick you guys up.
Jake: She's right... maybe you should get on that plane to Paris. Cause if you stay, we really only have the summer, then I go to college and we'll talk
on the phone and spend the occasional weekend together which is nice. But chances are one night I'm gonna get wrecked and have unprotected sex with some
girl in my dorm. You'll find her thong and call me a slut. I'll call you a cock-tease and we'll break up. So when you really think about it, what's the
point?
The Notebook
Noah: I am nothing special; just a common man with common thoughts, and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who's ever lived: I've loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough.
Noah: Summer romances begin for all kinds of reasons, but when all is said and done, they have one thing in common. They're shooting stars, a spectacular moment of light in the heavens, fleeting glimpse of eternity, and in a flash they're gone.
The Nutty Professor --the original
version
Professor Kelp: The best things in life are free and I'm
one of the best things.
The Object of My Affection
Sidney: If I
wasn't happily married and you weren't my wife's stepsister, I'd have an affair
with you in a second!
Rodney: Have you noticed you're the only practicing
heterosexual at your Thanksgiving dinner?
Nina: I haven't practiced for a while.
Office Space
Peter: What would you do if you had a million dollars?
Lawrence: I'll tell you what I'd do, man. Two chicks at the same time, man.
Peter: That's it? If you had a million dollars, you'd do two chicks at the same time?
Lawrence: Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I had a million dollars I could hook
that up, cause chicks dig a dude with money.
Peter: Well, not all chicks.
Lawrence: Well the kind of chicks that'd double up on a dude like me do.
Peter: Good point.
One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest
McMurphy (explaining assault convictions): 5 fights. Rocky Maricano got into 40 fights and he's a millionaire.
McMurphy: They're givin' me 10,000 watts a day you know, and I'm hot to trot. The next woman that takes me out is gonna light up like a pinball machine, and pay off in silver dollars.
Orange County
Shaun: (voiceover) I have the sneaking suspicion that my English teacher is illiterate...
Mr. Burke: I noticed you used a lot of big words. Nice. Good for you. It was a little long so I didn't read the whole thing. But who cares, cause I gave you an A.
Over the Hedge
RJ: You've got the food-gathering skills, I've got the know-how and they have the food.
Heather: How much food?
RJ: Loads of food. Heaps of food. Food out the wazoo!
Verne: Well, whatever kind of food comes out a wazoo, I really don't think we're interested in eating.
(Later)
RJ: That is a diaper. And that does come out of a wazoo.
RJ: (about humans) They've always got food with them. We eat to live; these guys live to eat. Let me show
you what I'm talking about. The human mouth is called a "pie hole". The human being is called a "couch potato".
(pointing to a telephone)That is a device to summon food. (door bell ring) That is one of the many
voices of food. (pizza delivery boy) That is the portal for the passing of the food. (motorcycle)
That is one of the many food transportation vehicles. Humans bring the food, take the food, ship the food, they
drive the food, they wear the food. (grill) That gets the food hot. (cooler) That gets the food
cold. (pinata) That? I'm not sure what it is. (kid hits it, candy flies out) What do you know?
Food! (kitchen) That is the altar where they worship food. (antacid) That is what they eat when they've
eaten too much food. (exercise machine) That gets rid of the guilt so they can eat more food. Food! Food!
Food! Food! Food! So you think they have enough? (others nod) For humans, enough is never enough!
(others gasp) And what do they do with the stuff they don't eat? They put it in gleaming, silver cans, just
for us.
RJ: I know where we can get some cookies so valuable that they are hand-delivered by uniformed officers. (Girl
Scouts)
RJ: Feeling buzzing in the back of your skull? That's called a sugar rush. It's what keeps humans going, why they
don't hibernate.
RJ: Humans feel an inner need to connect with the world around them. They also feel a need to sit on their fat
butts. Watching TV fulfills both needs at the same time.
Verne: That's what families do. They look out for each other.
RJ: I've never had anything like that.
Verne: I know. But believe me, this (pointing to the family) is the gateway to the good life.
RJ: Really wish you would've told me that sooner.
Verne: Yeah, well, that's bad communication. Also something families do.
Verne: This is the perfect food.
RJ: Fat-free cookies? You might as well just be eating dirt.
Hammy: I've had dirt. I don't like dirt. It tastes like dirt.
RJ: That is an S.U.V. Humans ride in them because they are slowly losing their ability to walk.
Lou: How many humans fit in there?
RJ: Usually, one.
Pauly Shore Is Dead
Kurt Loder: MTV executives want to apologize to viewers for airing 48 hours of Pauly Shore. To make it up to you, we're gonna have Metallica go out
and play in all your backyards.
Pauly Shore: I can't believe I'm sitting in jail taking career advice from Todd Bridges.
PCU
(chanting over and over) We're not gonna protest!
Droz: All right, here's all you need to know: Classes-nothing before 11. Beer-it's your best friend, you drink a lot of it. Will
you have a car? (um, no) Someone on your hall will. Find them and make friends with them on the first day. Women - you're a freshman so it's pretty much out of the question. Anything else?
Picture Perfect
Rita: I want a grandchild.
Kate: Well, Ma, you'll be happy to know that I am looking into having some eggs frozen.
Rita: Wonderful. I can tell everyone I'm having a grandsicle.
Pillow Talk
Jan: Mr. Allen, this may come as a shock to you but there are some men who don't end every sentence with a proposition.
Pretty in Pink
Duckie: Drinking and driving don't mix - that's why I use a
bike.
Duckie: I could work out a deal where one or both of you could be
pregnant by the holidays.
Duckie: I'm off like a dirty shirt!
--submitted by Snowdevil27--
(Blane has just left the prom)
Duckie: (to Andie) He came here alone. Okay, you were right. He's not like the others. If you don't go to him now, I'm never going to take you to another prom ever again, you hear me? I mean, this is an incredibly romantic moment, and you're ruining it for me.
Pretty Woman
"I appreciate this whole seduction thing
you've got going on here, but let me give you a tip: I'm a sure thing."
--submitted by Jeri--
Primal Fear
Roy: And that whole thing about "Act like a man!" Jesus, I knew exactly
what you wanted from me, it was like we was dancing, Marty!
Psycho
Norman Bates (in his head): I'll just sit here and be quiet, just in case they do suspect me. They're probably watching me. Well, let them. Let them see what kind of a person I am. I'm not even going to swat that fly. I hope they are watching. They'll see. They'll see and they'll know and they'll say, 'Why, she wouldn't even harm a fly.'
--submitted by Gary--
Norman Bates: It's not her fault, really. She just goes a little mad. We all go a little mad sometimes.
--submitted by Deadiamtheone88--
Pump Up The Volume
Mark: Feeling screwed up in a screwed up place, in a screwed up time, does not mean that you are screwed up.
Punch-Drunk Love
Barry: When I look at your face, I just want to smash it. I want to fuckin' smash it. I want to smash it and squeeze it, because you are so pretty.
Barry: I have a love in my life. It makes me stronger than anything you can imagine.
The Quiet Man
Bartender: I have only one thing to say. The drinks are on the house...(guys drop glasses on counters and tables) Well, they are!
John Wayne: I hope it's a fight you can stick around to the finish.
Opponent: Yeah. (double take)
A: What time is it?
B: Half past five.
A: Thanks.(punches guy next to him)
Real Genius
Mitch: Whatcha doin'?
Chris: Self realization. I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates who said, "I drank what?"
Jerry: What do you want?
Chris: World peace, but this isn't the time to discuss it
Jerry: A little run?
Chris: Only when chased
Chris: We plan this thing for weeks and all they want to do is study. I'm disgusted. I'm sorry but it's not like me, I'm depressed. There was what, no one at the mutant hamster races and we had one entry into the Madame Curie look-alike contest and he was disqualified later. Why do I bother?
Chris: This, this is ice. This is what happens to water when it gets too cold. This, this is Kent. This is what happens to people when they get too sexually frustrated.
Chris (as voice of God): And Kent, remember....stop playing with yourself.
Mitch: The weirdest thing just happened to me.
Chris: Was it a dream where you see yourself standing in sort of sun god robes on a pyramid with a thousand naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at you?
Mitch: No.
Chris: Why am I the only person who has that dream?
Chris: You didn't straighten up the place, did you?
Mitch: No.
Chris: Good, because all my filth is in alphabetical order. This for example was under "H" for toy.
Reality Bites
Vickie: I truly believe that if we can get two women in the Supreme Court, we can get at least one on you, Sam.
Vickie: He's weird. He's strange. He's sloppy. He's a total nightmare for women....I can't believe I haven't slept with him yet.
Troy: There's no secret handshake. There's an IQ prerequisite, but no secret handshake.
Troy: At the beep please leave your name, number and a brief justification for the ontological necessity of modern man's existential dilemma... and we'll get back to you.
The Ref
Gus: From now on, the only person who gets to yell is me. Why? Because I have a gun. People with guns get to do whatever they want. Married people without guns--for instance--you--DO NOT get to yell. Why? NO GUNS! No guns, no yelling. See? Simple little equation.
Lloyd: Mother!
Mom: What?
Lloyd: Is it possible for you to shut the fuck up for 10 seconds?
Mom: Lloyd! Don't talk to me like that in my own house!
Lloyd: You know what, Mom? You know what I'm gonna get you for next Christmas? A big wooden cross. So every time you feel unappreciated for all your sacrifices, you can climb on up and nail yourself to it.
Gus: Your husband ain't dead, lady. He's hiding!
Lloyd: It wasn't one bad review in one lousy magazine. It was the Restaurant Guide Book of New York. And
when the Restaurant Guide Book recommends you to Hindus looking for a fun night out of fasting, what did you
expect me to do, change the menus?
Caroline: You're the one who suffocated him with limitations. Our son's a very sensitive, creative...
Lloyd: Juvenile delinquent.
Caroline: ...boy. He has the kind of imagination...
Lloyd: That the mafia gives scholarships for.
Revenge of the Nerds
Booger: Did you get in her pants?
Gilbert Lowe: She's not that kind of a girl, Booger.
Booger: Why, does she have a penis?
--submitted by Jillian
Robin Hood: Men In Tights
Prince John: And why should the people listen to you?
Robin Hood: Because, unlike other Robin Hoods, I can speak with an English accent.
--submitted by Snowdevil27--
Robin Hood: A present to you and your guests. (drops pig on table)
Rottingham: That's a wild boar!
Robin Hood: No, no, that's a wild pig. (points at Prince John) That's a wild bore!
Maid Marian: If you promise not to kill Robin, I shall do the most disgusting thing that I can think of.
Sheriff of Rottingham: Oh? And what's that?
Maid Marian: I shall marry you.
Sheriff of Rottingham: What? You'll be mine? You'll give yourself to me every night? And sometimes, right after lunch?
Maid Marian: Yes, but only my body. You can never have my heart, my mind, or my soul!
Sheriff of Rottingham: Oh, oh yes! I respect that.
Robots
Fender: (taking photos) Inside of you is a fashion model just waiting to throw up.
Fender: You consider me a friend?
Rodney: Sure. What else would I consider you?
Fender: I don't know. An embarrassment, a way to rebel against your parents, a desperate cry for help. The list
is endless.
Rodney: Let's just stick with friend.
Fender: You know, Rodney, even though you had a discouraging day, remember, (cheerful) there's another one
coming tomorrow. You know, my last roommate jumped out that window.
The Rules of Attraction
Sean: I pretend to be a vampire. I don’t really need to pretend because that’s who I am, an emotional vampire. I’ve just come to expect it – that vampires are real, that I was born this way, that I feed off of other people’s real emotions. I search for this night’s prey. Who will it be?
Rush Hour
Officer Carter: Didn't I turn my back when I found you with that bag of weed?
Guard: I was sharing it with you!
Save the Last Dance
Sara: I would never bust a cap in your ass.
--submitted by Heather
Chenille (shouting at Kenny): That's right, leave! That's what your good at. Your son ain't seen nothin' BUT your back since he was born!
Say Anything...
Lloyd: I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that.
Lloyd: If you guys know so much about women, how come you're here at like the Gas 'n' Sip on a Saturday night completely alone drinking beers with no women anywhere?
Lloyd: What I really want to do with my life, what I want to do for a living..is be with your daughter. I'm good at it.
Lloyd: Maybe you've got the right idea, Cory. If you start out depressed, everything is kind of a pleasant surprise.
Cory: Don't be a guy, the world is full of guys. Be a man.
Scary Movie
Ray: Watching television shows doesn't make you violent. Canceling television shows
makes you violent.
Reporter: This is black entertainment news. White folk dyin' - we getting the fuck outta here.
-submitted by Kelly
Quinlan--
Buffy: Don't worry, Cindy! We'll pretend this never happened, like the time we got drunk and went down on each other!
Buffy: Oh, is this the climax? Well, I hope you don't mind if I fake it!
(in the middle of an argument)
Shorty: Your mother!
Brenda: I'm your sister, that's your mother too, stupid!
Shorty: Oh yeah...well then, your father!
Brenda: I don't know him.
Shorty: Yeah, me neither.
Doofy: Mom said that when I wear this badge you're supposed to treat me like a man of the law.
Buffy: Yeah, and Mom also told you not to stick your dick in the vacuum cleaner!
Scream
Billy: Movies don't create psychos. Movies make psychos more creative.
Randy: There are certain rules that one must abide by in order to successfully survive a horror film. One - you can never have sex. Two - you can never drink or do drugs. Three - never ever under any circumstances say "I'll be right back", because you won't be back.
Stu: I'm getting another beer, you want one?
Randy: Sure.
Stu: I'll be right back.
--submitted by Deadiamtheone88--
Randy: If you were the only suspect in a senseless bloodbath-- would you be standing in the horror section?
Sidney: Fuck you.
Billy: We've already played that game, remember? You lost.
Tatum: Oh, please don't kill me, Mr. Ghostface, I wanna be in the sequel!
Sidney: Stu, Stu, what's your motive? Billy's got one, the police are on their way, what are you gonna tell them?
Stu: Peer pressure, I'm far too sensitive.
Stu: Did you really call the cops?
Sidney: You bet your sorry ass I did.
Stu: My mom and dad are gonna be so mad at me!
Tatum: Stupidity Leak!
Girl: She wants to kill herself but realizes teen suicide is out this year and homicide is a much healthier, therapeutic expression.
Scream 2
Dewey: How do you know that my dimwitted inexperience isn't merely a subtle form of manipulation, used to lower people's expectations, thereby enhancing my ability to effectively maneuver within any given situation?
Sorority girl: Hi Sidney! No, I really mean that, hi!
Debbie: Please Miss Weathers, it would be such an honor if I could get a quote from you for my story.
Gale: Alright. Begin quote.
Debbie: Great.
Gale: Your flattering remarks are both desperate and obvious. End quote!
Killer: What's your favorite scary movie?
Randy: Showgirls. Absolutely frightening.
Maureen: (watching a horror flick in theater) Bitch, hang up the phone and star-69 his ass!
Sidney: I'm going back!
Halle: Stupid people go back! Smart people run! We're smart people, so we should just get the fuck outta here!
Scream 3
Dewey: Is that a threat, detective?
Detective Kincaid: When it's a
threat, you'll know it.
Dewey: Was that a threat?
Sidney: Hey Detective, what's your favorite scary movie?
Detective Kincaid: My life.
Sidney: Mine too.
Scrooged
Frank: I never liked a girl well enough to give her 12 sharp knives.
James: You know what they say about people who treat other people bad on the way up?
Frank: Yeah, you get to treat 'em bad on the way back down too. It's great - you get two chances to rough 'em up!
She's All That
Laney: Screw the dolphins.
Jesse: A guy tried that last year. Banned from Sea World for life.
--submitted by Jeri & LeiaSolo87--
Taylor: Okay, I could win this thing in fluorescent lighting on the first day of my period cloaked in tacky rags, okay? My mother was prom queen in '71. My cousin, prom queen in '82. And my sister would have been prom queen in '94 if it wasn't for that scandal on the Color Me Badd tour bus. Okay, I am a goddamn legacy, alright? And besides, not to be a bitch, but who's gonna beat Taylor Vaughan?
Chandler: God, I hope that's not your acceptance speech.
Taylor: All of you who voted for me, you did the right thing. And for the rest of you...WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?
Misty: [to Laney] We got into this discussion one day at the cafe, just about, about how many artists are really only truly appreciated posthumously. We've got Van Gogh, Pisaro...
Sav: Basquiat.
Misty: Basquiat, thank you. And, and, then your name came up, and, and Sav thought, actually, we both thought that it might be a good idea for you, if uh...
Sav: You killed yourself.
Laney: When the class president touches my face on darkened corners telling me my eyes are beautiful, there's a word for it. In fact, there was a whole movement in the 20th century. It's called surreal.
Shrek
A 3 Little Pig: He huffed and he puffed and he... signed the eviction notice.
Magic Mirror: [about Snow White] She lives with seven men, but she's not easy.
Donkey: [about staying at Shrek's place] Ooh, this is gonna be so much fun! We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, and in the mornin', I'm makin' waffles.
Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th
Over loudspeaker: There will be a fire drill at 3:05. Please bring your own matches and lighter fluid.
Over loudspeaker: May I have your attention for the results of yesterday's pregnancy tests.
Over loudspeaker: Whoever put real meat in today's lunch, please remove it.
Silence of the Lambs
Clarice: If you didn't kill him, then who did, sir?
Hannibal Lector: Who can say? Best thing for him, really. His therapy
was going nowhere.
--submitted by Jeri and Pamela--
The Simpsons Movie
Mr. Burns: Smithers, I don't believe in suicide, but if you'd like to try it, it might cheer me up to watch.
Tom Hanks: Hello, I'm Tom Hanks. The US Government has lost its credibility so it's borrowing some of mine.
SLC Punk
Stevo: Poseurs are people that look like punks, but they did it for fashion. And they were fools,
they'd say "Anarchy in the UK". See? Poseurs. What good is that to those of us in Utah, America? You don't live your life by
lyrics.
-submitted by kat--
Stevo: Rednecks kick the shit outta punks, Punks kick the shit outta mods, Mods kick the shit outta skin heads, Skin heads kick the shit outta those heavy metal guys, The heavy metal guys kick the shit outta the new wavers, and well the new wavers did nothing cuz they were the new hippies.
--submitted by Gary--
Bob: It's a crazy fucked up world and we're all just barely floating along waiting for somebody who can walk on water.
--submitted by Gary--
So I Married an Axe Murderer
Harriet: What do you look for in a woman you date?
Charlie: Well, I know everyone always say a sense of humor, but I really have to go with breast size.
Soul Plane
On Captain Mack's resume - Objective: Fly big-ass planes all over the world and meet fun and interesting
people (you know, get girls & shit).
Captain Mack: (over intercom) Ladies and Gentlemen, we have reached our cruising altitude of 33 thousand feet...
33 THOUSAND FEET?! Oh shit, man! We fuckin' higher than Redman at the Source Awards!
South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut
(After student provides wrong answer to math problem)
Mr. Garrison: Okay. Now let’s try to get an answer from someone who’s not a complete retard.
Newscaster: It's been six weeks since Saddam Hussein was killed by a pack of wild boars and the world is still glad to be rid of him.
Cartman: I saw the Terrance and Phillip movie. Who wants to touch me? I said WHO WANTS TO FUCKIN' TOUCH ME?
Cartman: That movie has warped my fragile little mind.
Canadian Representative: The Canadian government has apologized for Bryan Adams on several occasions!
Cartman: Kyle, all those times I said you were a big, dumb Jew? Well, I didn't mean it. You're not a Jew.
Kyle: Yes, I am! I am a Jew, Cartman!
Cartman: No, no, Kyle. Don't be so hard on yourself.
Space Jam
Michael Jordan: I'm not a
basketball player. I'm a baseball player.
Bugs Bunny: Yeah sure and I'm a
Shakespearean actor.
Spice World
The Chief: When the rabbit of chaos is pursued by the ferret of disorder through the fields of anarchy, it is time to hang your pants on the line of darkness. Whether they are clean or not.
St. Elmo's Fire
Jules: Do you know that you are the only guy at school who
never made a pass at me?
Kevin: Well, if you noticed I never joined the army
either.
Kevin: There's the brink of insanity and there is the abyss which obviously
you have fallen into.
Alec: You're being arrested for drunk driving.
Billy: Drunk definitely, I don't know if you could call it driving.
Kirbo: Haven't you heard of the sexual revolution?
Kevin: Who won? Hmm? It used to be sex was the only free thing. No longer. Alimony! Palimony! It's all financial. Love is an illusion.
Jules: I thought you were taking steps to phase out everything that wasn't working in your life.
Wendy: That doesn't leave much.
Wendy: No diet works. The only way to lose weight in the thighs is amputation.
Stranger Than Fiction
Dr. Hilbert: The thing to determine conclusively is whether you are in a comedy or a tragedy. Have you met anyone who
simply might loathe the very core of you?
Harold Crick: I'm an IRS agent. Everyone hates me.
Dr. Hilbert: Well, that sounds like a comedy!
Harold Crick: Are you an anarchist?
Ana: Anarchists have a group?
Harold Crick: I believe so, sure.
Ana: They assemble?
Harold Crick: I don't know.
Ana: Wouldn't that completely defeat the purpose?
Stuart Little
Cop: You want it straight?
Mom &
Dad: Absolutely not!
Snowbell: Didn't your mother warn you not to go into
Central Park at night?
Alley Cat: My mother is the reason not to go
into Central Park at night!
Summer School
Chainsaw: I may have used poor judgment.
Shoop: You actually used judgment?!
Shoop: Fact - Alcohol kills brain cells. You lose one more and you're a talking monkey.
Chainsaw: The reason so many people are killed in drinking accidents is because they never learn how to drive drunk.
Chainsaw: You passed and I failed! You asshole! How could you do that to me?
Dave: It was an accident. I'll take it again. I can fail, I know I can.
Superstar
Mary Catherine: Evian Graham - the most beautiful, most popular, most bulimic at St. Monica's
Priest: You're the rewind girl at Kip's video?
Mary Catherine: Yes, I am.
Priest: Your life's a movie. You rewind. It ends. You're dead. How was it?
The Talented Mr. Ripley
Ripley: It's better to be a fake somebody than a real nobody.
Ripley: If I could just go back... if I could rub everything out... starting with myself.
Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Ricky: (after beating him in a race) Hey Jamie. Losing's never fun but here's something to pick up your
spirits. (gives him the middle finger) It's real nice. I got it in Target. It's on sale.
Tammy and the Millionaire
Tammy: Looks is a heap more important than brains because most men can see a lot better than they can think.
10 Things I Hate About You
Guidance Counselor: People perceive you as somewhat...
Kat: Tempestuous?
Guidance Counselor: "Heinous bitch" is the term used most often.
Cameron: Would any of you be interested in dating Katarina Stratford?
Guy: Maybe. If we were the last 2 people on Earth and there are no sheep...are there sheep?
--submitted by Heather
Chastity: I know you can be overwhelmed, and you can be underwhelmed, but can you ever just be whelmed?
Bianca: I think you can in Europe!
--submitted by Cherrygrl64--
Kat: You're amazingly self-assured, did anyone ever tell you that?
Patrick: I tell myself that every day, actually.
The Terminator
Sarah: You're
talking about stuff I haven't done yet in the past tense and it's driving me
crazy.
That Thing You Do!
Lenny: So, how long you been workin' here at Playtone?
Receptionist: How long you been wearin' such tight pants?
Lenny: Whoa..if that's a pickup line, we're a match made in heaven!
--submitted by Angelina Chasteen--
Faye: Jimmy, from now on, you stay away from me. I have wasted thousands and thousands of kisses on you. Kisses I thought were special because of your eyes and your smile and your lips and all your color and life. I thought that was the real you when you smiled. But now I know that you save it all for your songs. Shame on me for kissing you with my eyes closed so tight.
Guy: When was the last time you were decently kissed? I mean, really, honestly, good and kissed?
There's Something About Mary
Ted: I couldn't believe she knew my name. Some of my best friends didn't know my name.
Healy: You traitor! You said you wouldn't fuck me and I wouldn't fuck you until we got this fuck out of the fucking picture.
Mary's Stepdad: How'd you get the frank above the beans?
(After Mary asks Ted to the prom.)
Ted: (narrating) From that point on, the guys in school looked at me in a completely different light.
Cut to
Ted's friend: You're a fucking liar!
Threesome
Alex: If you eat my yogurt again, and I know it was you, I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna fucking kill you.
Stuart: You make murder sound so sexual.
Stuart: Sex is kinda like pizza. When it's bad, it's still pretty good.
Alex: You have the hots for me, I have the hots for him, and sooner or later he's gonna have the hots for you.
Tommy Boy
Tommy: So, did you hear I finally graduated?
Richard: Yeah, in just a shade under a decade, too. All right.
Tommy: You know, a lot of people go to college for seven years.
Richard:
I know, they're called doctors.
Richard: It's called reading, top to bottom left to right. A group of words together is called a sentence. Take Tylenol for any headaches, Midol for any cramps.
Toy Story
Woody: Look, we're
very impressed with Andy's new toy.
Buzz: Toy?
Woody: T-O-Y. Toy.
Buzz:
I believe the word you're searching for is 'Space Ranger'.
Woody: The word
I'm searching for...I can't say because there are preschool toys
present.
[Mr. Potato Head rearranges his facial features crazily]
Mr. Potato Head: Look I'm Picasso.
Hamm: I don't get it.
Mr. Potato Head: You uncultured swine!
Toy Story 2
Hi, I'm Tour-Guide Barbie! Please keep your hands, arms, and accessories inside the car, and please, no flash photography!
The Truth About Cats and Dogs
Abby: Did you call me?
Roy: What?
Abby: I heard dumb bitch. I assumed you were talking to me.
Roy: I was talking to her. (gestures towards Noelle)
Abby: (to Noelle) Your name is dumb bitch too? No wonder! I keep getting all of your mail! You know, we could be related. There are a lot of us dumb bitches here in LA.
--submitted by Jillian--
200 Cigarettes
Bartender: How do you like your eggs in the morning - scrambled or fertilized?
Kevin: Look, I'm just gonna go home and kill myself. You wanna share a cab?
Lucy: So I can pass out and wake up alone on New Year's Day?
UHF
Stanley Spadowski: George? What's the matter?
George: Stanley, you don't want to know.
Stanley Spadowski: Huh? Why did I ask?
George: Right now I'd like to show you one of my favorite cartoons. It's a sad, depressing story about a pathetic coyote who spends every waking moment of his life in a futile pursuit of a sadistic roadrunner who MOCKS him and LAUGHS at him as he's repeatedly CRUSHED and MAIMED! I hope you ENJOY IT!
Stanley Spadowski: Sometimes life gets stuck on your floors so bad a mop's not good enough. You got to go down there with
a toothbrush and scrub. And if that doesn't work, you can't give up! You got to go to a window and go, "Hey!
These floors are dirty as hell and I'm not going to take it!"
Van Wilder
Van: The first day of spring semester. A time to say goodbye to the parents once again and say hello to a few new student bodies.
Van: I know Ms. Pac-Man is special. She's fun. She's cute. She swallows.
Van: (about Delta Iota Kappa) Richard, you rascal, you never told me you were a DIK! (under his breath) Not that you had to.
Van: (about Richard) If he's here, then who's running hell?
A Very Brady Sequel
Mike Brady: A gift is only a good thing when the giver has given thought to that gift. But when the gift the
giver gives gives grief, then that gift should give the givee regrets.
Waiting...
Monty: With women, it's always one of two things. Either they won't sleep with you, and then there's really
no need to ever call them again. Or they do sleep with you... and then there's really no need to ever call
them again.
Monty: You know, Tyla, everytime I look at you I wish I was a lesbian.
Tyla: Oh what a coincidence. Everytime I look at you, I'm glad I'm a lesbian.
Wayne's World
Garth: That's a babe! She makes me feel all funny, like when we use to climb the rope in gym class.
--submitted by Jeri--
Wayne: (opening gift from Stacy) Ok...What is it?
Stacy: A gun rack!
Wayne: A gun rack? A gun rack. I don't own a gun, let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire rack. What am I going to do with a gun rack?
--submitted by Alli--
Wayne: I once thought I had mono for an entire year. It turned out I was just really bored.
--submitted by Imareecespieces2--
Wayne : I say puke. If you hurl and she comes back, she's yours. If you blow
chunks and she bolts, then it was never meant to be.
--submitted by KDleaf33--
Russell: It will be Terry's job to give the actors their hand cue.
Wayne: Excuse me, Russell, but I believe I requested the hand job.
Wedding Crashers
Woman: Would you say you're completely full of shit or just 50%?
John: I hope just 50 but who knows.
Jeremy: She hasn't answered your calls, she didn't respond to any of your letters, she didn't respond to the
candygram. God only knows what happened to the kitten you got for her 'cause she didn't keep it and I know
you're not raising the goddamn thing. I think it's very obvious at this juncture that she just flat out does
not wanna see you anymore.
The Wedding Singer
Robbie: Some of us will never ever find true love. Take, for instance...me. And I'm pretty sure that guy right there. And that lady with the sideburns. And basically everybody at table nine.
Robbie: Get out of my Van Halen T-shirt before you jinx the band and they break up.
--submitted by Kristin--
Mr. Simms: Do you have any experience?
Robbie: No, sir, I have no experience, but I'm a big fan of money. I like it. I use it. I have a little. I keep it in a jar on top of my refrigerator. I'd like to put more in that jar. That's where you come in.
What's Eating Gilbert Grape?
Arnie: Good night to you but not me.
Mama: I haven't always
been like this.
Becky: I haven't always been like this.
Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory
Willy Wonka: So
much time, so little to see. Wait, strike that, reverse it.
Willy Wonka:
The suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.
Willy Wonka: A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.
--submitted by Deadiamtheone88--
Willy Wonka: Invention, my dear friends, is 93% perspiration, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation, and 2%
butterscotch ripple.
Win a Date with Tad Hamilton!
Pete: Wow. I cannot remember a time before you started telling that story.
Mr. Futch: Sometimes Goliath kicks the shit out of David. It's just nobody bothers to tell that story.
With Honors
Simon: Know why you hate me so much, Jeffrey? Because I look the way you feel.
The Wizard Of Oz
Scarecrow: I haven't got a brain...only straw.
B: How can you talk
if you haven't got a brain?
Scarecrow: I don't know...But some people without
brains do an awful lot of talking...don't they?
B: Yes, I guess you're
right...
--submitted by Jeri--
The Wrong Guy
Lynn's Dad: Just having you here, lying on the floor unconscious, was
helpful enough for me.
Wrongfully Accused
Ryan Harrison: Your dog has a very surprised look on his face.
Lauren Goodhue: That's because you're looking at his butt.
Ryan Harrison: Well... I guess he won't be happy with the treat I just fed him.
X-Men
(Cyclops doesn't know if Wolverine's an imposter)
Wolverine: It's me!
Cyclops: Prove it!
Wolverine: You're a dick.
Cyclops: Okay.
xXx
Xander: Y'know, if you're gonna ask someone to save the world, you'd better make sure they like it the way it is.
Xander: I like anything fast enough to do something stupid in.
Young Frankenstein
Frankenstein: Would you mind telling me, whose brain did I put in?
Igor: And, you won't be angry?
Frankenstein: I will not be angry.
Igor: Abby-someone.
Frankenstein: Abby-someone? Abby who?
Igor: Abby-normal.
You've Got Mail
Joe Fox: It wasn't... personal.
Kathleen: What is that supposed to mean? I am so sick of that. All that means is that it wasn't personal to you. But it was personal to me. It's
personal to a lot of people. And what's so wrong with being personal, anyway?
Joe Fox: Uh, nothing.
Kathleen: Whatever else anything is, it ought to begin by being personal.
Submissions and feedback are welcome. Send them to milburncreek@yahoo.com
Last Updated: October 1, 2008