PART 12 - I finally get to an Al-Anon meeting...
It's funny but since I started to publish my Concept V appeal on the 'net a strange kind of peace has come over me, you could almost call it serenity. Typing out what happened to me these past few years in Al-Anon, has enabled me to reflect calmly on all that happened and I suppose it has allowed me to tell my story, something I was not allowed to do in Al-Anon. I have received a few supportive e-mails and one lady from Georgia, USA has been particularly kind in sympathising with my plight. But I digress...
In the immediate months after the ban, my recovery went into free-fall. Attending Al-Anon had unlocked some deeply buried emotions which I was beginning to feel for the first time. The rage and frustration I felt at the callous indifference of GSO and WSO, together with the groups and the bored Al-Anon representatives was beginning to mount and looking back on it I do not think I would allow myself to go through that again. However, my counsellor said that it was necessary and in a way I did grow because of it. What does not kill us makes us grow stronger as the saying goes...
The ban occurred in September 1999 and I was not able to get to another Al-Anon meeting until Christmas. The reason? Some members took pity on me and gave me a lift to a meeting outside my area? Oh get real, this Al-Anon. Nobody gives a damn!
Anyway, I was visiting my parents for Christmas and on a whim I decided to visit one of the local Al-Anon meetings there. It's strange but I do remember that first meeting. Everyone was sitting so contentedly in what I now realise was their collective denial. I entered the room, and as usual the meeting began and the sharing started. I could identify with some of the sentiments expressed and even my own sharing moved some people. I did not talk about the ban. At least, not at that first meeting.
I would visit my parents every few weeks and continued to attend that meeting when I could. However, I had gone from 3 Al-Anon meetings a week to 1 meeting every few weeks. I realise now that in the early days of recovery you do need a lot of meetings because there is so much stuff that is raised that you need to work through. After a couple of years things do start to settle down and you don't need as many meetings. One of the consequences of being banned from Al-Anon was that I was left stuck in a vacuum - and nature abhors a vacuum.
I suppose in a way a drama developed - and I was the lead player! The Executive Director, before I was banned from WSO, told me that I was not going to be the centre of attention anymore. The point was, I was trying to get their attention to make them aware of how much the ban from Al-Anon was screwing up my recovery. But what do you expect from a pig but a grunt?
Over the coming months I eventually disclosed to the group near my parents what had happened to me. They all agreed that what happened was wrong and they commented on the fact that at least I was still prepared to go to Al-Anon - other people would have given up. The General Secretary of GSO herself said she would have given up long ago.
It was a good group and I did enjoy going to it.
Eventually I was also able to attend an Al-Anon group in my local area. I received a letter from the Area Delegate in July 2000 advising me of a group near where I usually lived. I was not aware of how the Al-Anon structure was organised. The Al-Anon groups, as such, are organised into different districts with their own different agendas. The groups near where I lived were organised into one district which issued a blanket ban. There was also another group near me but by chance happened to exist under a different district. The Area Delegate told me in a letter, almost as an afterthought, that I could go to it. I was on the next bus there.
I have to admit that group was very good too. I was able to unload all the pent-up frustrations I was feeling. The GR had been to the local area assembly and had been aware that there was some crazy person terrorising the Al-Anon members in the other District. When I revealed that it was me they laughed and could not believe how distorted my reputation had become.
It is indeed disappointing, that when I was on the phone pleading with the Al-Anon Information Centre and GSO that I needed to get to a meeting, and all I got was that I was banned from that district and "every group is autonomous" not one person could be bothered to tell me about that other group, near where I lived, but which was not part of the local District. Ah, such indifference! They do say indifference is the opposite of love. The opposites that occur in nature...
Unfortunately, I no longer attend any of those groups and the ban is still ongoing with the local District.
Why do I not attend Al-Anon now? Well...