PART 3 - The Convention Disaster
The reason why page 8 of "Lois Remembers" was so traumatic for me was that I know from personal experience that the medical procedure that Lois described for skin grafting was totally false. I know because when I was 14 my alcoholic father had to undergo skin grafting after being very badly burned. Skin had to be cut from the back of his own legs, with anaesthetic, and grafted onto his own face - and I witnessed the whole process.
The false description on page 8 triggered flash-back memories and it was very traumatic. Lois also stated that the idea of "Detachment" (a crucial part of the Al-Anon program) had been misunderstood and overemphasised. Al-Anon does not help the alcoholic achieve sobriety and members are brainwashed into believing that they are powerless over the alcoholic. Instead, it is a relatively easy and straight-forward matter to help the alcoholic achieve sobriety, and members are not powerless over the alcoholic as alcoholics are highly suggestible and once this characteristic of alcoholics is made use of one finds oneself in a totally different situation.
Lois included information in "Lois Remembers" which was wrong in order to indicate that the Al-Anon program was wrong. Al-Anon was originally a closed society for the wives of men already sober in AA. Originally the wives of men who were active alcoholics went to AA, and they only went to Al-Anon after their husbands were sober in AA, and Al-Anon was intended for their own recovery - but only after they had been to AA, and by AA I mean closed AA meetings. That was why Lois stated in her autobiography that many Al-Anon members also needed AA and it was wonderful to witness their recovery through the AA program. Al-Anon, without AA, is worthless. The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking. If you have a desire to stop another alcoholic's drinking you qualify for AA membership because you have a desire to stop drinking (not necessarily your own). The primary purpose of AA is to stay sober (and by that, I mean emotionally sober ie no nagging) and to help other alcoholics achieve sobriety (and the key word there is "help" ie the opposite of detach/neglect).
Anyway, I read "Lois Remembers" shortly before I attended the 1999 Convention. I went to a closed Al-Anon meeting and began to share my story. The secretary at that meeting interrupted me and would not let me finish my sharing saying that I was not allowed to talk about AA. I continued to share my story and other members at the meeting began to interrupt my sharing which upset me. The secretary then intervened, and instead of calling the meeting to order and permitting me to finish my sharing, the meeting was ended and everyone walked out. As I was leaving another member came over to me and began to tell me off and an argument ensued. I then left the building and as I was going down the stairs one AA member pointed at me in a hostile way and I realised that some of the people who had left the meeting early had begun to spread gossip about me and had distorted what had happened in the meeting.
I went back to the convention the next day and attended an open Al-Anon meeting. After the speakers had finished I asked what the name Al-Anon stood for. Nobody on the panel could answer. A member then spoke up from the floor and said that the "Al" stood for "Alcohol" and the "Anon" stood for anonymous. I of course corrected that wrong response. Al-Anon, as Lois pointed out deliberately in her autobiography, is a derivative of the name Alcoholics Anonymous.
The sixth tradition of AA states "An AA group ought never endorse, finance or lend the AA name to any outside enterprise lest problems of money, property or prestige divert us from our primary purpose". Al-Anon was lent the AA name (ie it is a derivative of the name Alcoholics Anonymous) and it diverts from the primary purpose ("To stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety"). Al-Anon is entirely separate from AA and is therefore an outside enterprise. Al-Anon does not help alcoholics to achieve sobriety. The sixth tradition of AA was broken in 1951 - and Al-Anon members know that. So great is their denial that I knew when I asked the question about what the name Al-Anon means, I would either be refused an answer or else told an outright lie.
The best is yet to come.
At the closed Al-Anon meeting that evening I went in and sat down quietly, having made the decision not to share as I knew they would not allow me to speak. The other members were giving me resentful looks and one member spoke up and said that she didn't want me at the meeting. At this stage I had been sitting quietly in my seat. Then another member noticed that I had been wearing a convention badge belonging to a different fellowship. She began to aggressively insist that I remove it. I could not believe that a piece of cardboard could provoke such buried resentment in the woman. I refused. Other members spoke up and insisted that I remove the badge. One member said that she couldn't share in the meeting if I was wearing the badge and that it had to be removed. I was furious. I couldn't believe that something as petty as a badge was a big deal to these sad people.
An AA member since told me that I should have removed the badge. He said that as part of my program I had to give people the right to be wrong. If something as trivial as a piece of cardboard was upsetting these obviously sick people, it would have been little effort on my part to remove the badge. However, at the time I was relatively new to Al-Anon and did not realise how sick everybody in it actually was ... and you cannot reason with sick people! The Twelve Traditions do require a certain amount of intelligence in order to understand and apply them. I have learnt that now!
Anyway, the Regional Trustee was chairing the meeting and he told me that it was a closed Al-Anon meeting and asked me to leave. He had thought that I was an AA member. (NB AA members automatically qualify for membership of Al-Anon - the only requirement for membership is that there be a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend - if you attend AA the friends you make there have the problem of alcoholism and therefore you automatically qualify for Al-Anon, but I digress...)
I advised the Regional Trustee that I was a member of Al-Anon and therefore was entitled to attend the closed Al-Anon meeting. He noticed that I wasn't wearing an Al-Anon convention badge and said that as I hadn't paid the Al-Anon registration fee I could not attend the meeting. (I groaned inwardly.) I reminded him that there were no dues for membership of Al-Anon and that I was entitled to attend the closed Al-Anon meeting, regardless of whether I had paid the registration fee. He then insisted that I remove the convention badge for the other fellowship. I refused, and said I would sit quietly during the meeting.
He then left the room and came back in and said that there were AA members outside who were willing to talk with me. I advised him I did not wish to speak to the AA members - I wanted to attend the Al-Anon meeting. He went back out, there was frantic discussion, he came back in and said that the AA members wished to speak with me. I advised him that I did not wish to speak to the AA members - I wanted to attend the Al-Anon meeting. He went back out, came back in again and advised me that if I did not remove the convention badge security would be called and I would be removed from the building. I advised him I would sit quietly during the Al-Anon meeting, would not share (that was pointless - they wouldn't listen anyway) but would not be removing the convention badge. He left the room, returned with security. I was asked to leave. I again stated that I wished to attend the Al-Anon meeting. I was then manhandled by the security men, lifted up out of my seat, trailed across the room, taken to the elevator and after it reached the bottom floor, was trailed out of the building and dumped in the street like yesterday's garbage. An AA member accompanied the security guards during this and I told the AA member that I was going to go out and get drunk. He told me to go on ahead. Once I was out on the street, I crossed the road, went to a bar and got very drunk (I had quite an enjoyable evening after that, but that is another story...)
As far as I was concerned the convention was a disaster and I wanted to put it behind me and move on. I had learnt a lot from it.
However, the Al-Anon members wanted revenge...