PART 7 - The Al-Anon Information Centre Declares the Blanket Ban
I once told the lying Regional Trustee that I almost committed suicide and I shall never forget his withering comment "That would have been your choice."
Being dragged out of the Al-Anon group and thrown into the street, when all I had been doing was quietly having a conversation with another Al-Anon member, did upset me a great deal. Looking back on it now, I realise my state of mind was very fragile and I learned the hard way that Al-Anon was not a safe place. I suppose the fact that I am typing this now would indicate that, of course, I did not commit suicide that night. And the reason why not?
Well, on my way home there was a group meeting being held by a different fellowship, a fellowship entirely separate from Al-Anon, a fellowship which dare not mention its name, a fellowship which if you are a member of you are not allowed to hold a position in the Al-Anon structure beyond the group level.
You've probably worked out which fellowship I am talking about. It is indeed richly ironic. I vowed I would never drink, because my father had been alcoholic, and especially after his burning, I made a decision never to be a social drinker. Don't get me wrong, I did drink now and again. I even got drunk a few times (hell, I even got drunk at the 1999 convention - the date of my last drink 21 August 1999). However, in my opinion I never had a drinking problem. You may disagree. I have probably got drunk a grand total of 10 times in my life. And believe me, I could happily walk into a bar, order a beer, start to drink it and then stop drinking abruptly. Set the beer down and casually walk out. I could do it. If you do not have a drinking problem, how can you have a desire to stop drinking? As I pointed out to Al-Anon, I do not qualify for membership of the hated fellowship which is entirely separate from Al-Anon, and therefore I can hold a service position in the Al-Anon structure beyond the group level - but try telling that to Al-Anon members. I have noticed that Al-Anon members are not logical - they are a law unto themselves. Adhering to The Twelve Traditions requires logical thinking, but the women think emotionally. C'est la vie!
Anyway, I ended up in the meeting room of the fellowship entirely separate from Al-Anon and to cut a long story short, they calmed me down, handed me a cup of tea and by the end of the meeting any thoughts of suicide were far from me. One member even suggested I ought to make amends and with that in mind, I left and went home.
The next day I contacted the Al-Anon Information Centre.
I was told I was banned from all the Al-Anon groups in my local district, including some I had never attended.
"But I need to attend Al-Anon!"
"You can go to..." and then the office manager told me the name of an Al-Anon group whose location was in another district, and difficult to get to. I had been there once before. I had had to take a taxi and it had cost me the equivalent of $30.
"But the taxi fare is too expensive!"
"There are buses."
In actual fact, I checked the bus timetable - it would have meant getting two buses there and two buses back again, plus I would have to leave half-way through the meeting. At this stage I had been attending about three Al-Anon meetings per week (I was in the early stages of recovery) and now I would have to settle for half a meeting per week. That was not acceptable. Al-Anon members will not give you a ride in their car. I had previously been stranded at a different group after I made the mistaken assumption that someone would and ended up having to spend one and a half hours walking home because the meeting had overrun and I had missed the last bus.
I realised I had not been to an Al-Anon meeting in over three months and it would be at least another four months before I could get to another one.
I contacted GSO and explained to the member of staff there that I had been banned from Al-Anon. I'll never forget her laugh and her saying "Oh, but you can't be banned from Al-Anon" (denial again - typical Al-Anon).
I patiently explained that I had been banned from the groups in my local district, had no car, and therefore could not travel to the other groups. The GSO staff member then understood my plight (eventually).
She suggested I send a letter of apology to GSO. This would be forwarded to the local district.
I wrote a letter of apology. I thought it was quite apologetic. I sent to GSO... and waited.
I contacted GSO some time later and was advised that the letter had been sent to the local district and that the local Al-Anon Information Centre would advise me on what the situation was.
I contacted the local Al-Anon Information Centre. I was advised that the letter had been sent to the local district who then circulated it around the groups (as the local district had made the decision to ban me the letter was intended for them and not the groups).
"But the letter was meant for the district and not the groups."
"It was the decision of the district to circulate the letter around the groups."
"When can I expect a decision?"
"After the next district meeting."
"When is that?"
"March!"
"March?" I couldn't believe it. It was now December, I hadn't been to an Al-Anon meeting in four months and I now had to wait at least another three.
I contacted GSO and told them that the letter I had sent was not meant for the groups but for the local district. As a compromise, I agreed to send another letter, this time intended for the groups, and this time referring to the mistakes in "Lois Remembers", which after all was what triggered the upset at the convention which led to the ban.
I later found out that this letter was never circulated around the groups.
In the meantime, I waited patiently until March 2000...