Friday

Well, here I am again. Sitting on this shitty sofa watching these same shitty shows again. I really should call the fucking station...I just don't get it...why does TV have to suck on Fridays? Maybe because most people are out.

I could go out. I was asked to go out. Shit, I was asked by five different girls. I guess I should have said yes, but I just don’t feel like it. Do I ever feel like it? Hey look, an infomercial...at least these things are more interesting than those annoying little twerps Mary Kate and Ashley..Just seeing those fucked up teenyboppers makes me grimace. I need a cigarette. But that means I have to get up...Ah, the decisions...

I wonder how everyone’s been since I left. I wonder if they even care that I‘m gone, it’s not like I was the world’s best florist anyways. The only thing I’m good at is sitting on my ass and being charming. Oh, and sleeping, I’m good at that. Omi might worry that I went and jumped off a cliff or something. Pfft, I’m too selfish to kill myself; it sounds too painful anyway. He‘s the only one who probably understood why I left. I told the little guy everything. He told me everything too, like about him and that Schwarz boy. If Aya knew he‘d kill the poor kid, being the asshole he is, but I was just glad he’d found someone to make him happy, even if it was our enemy. It was kinda funny how they would always vanish in the middle of battle, and by the way he smirked when the two ran off, I think that German guy (I’ll never figure out to pronounce his name.) knew it too. It was always interesting afterwards...

~”Why are you so damn cheerful after these things?” Ken would glare at Omi, whose cheeks would turn a deep crimson.

”Nani?” He’d smile nervously and glance over at me, panic filling his large blue eyes.

”Omi loves the battlefield! He’s just glad we won.” I ruffled the blonde boy’s head and snickered softly as Ken looked curiously at us with his big brown eyes.~

I miss him. I miss them all. I’ve thought about going back. But I’m scared to see what I’ll find there; what I know I’ll find. That bastard Aya glomped onto Ken, who will be happy as hell. Of course Ken would choose him over me. Aya was the perfect beautiful doll, and I was the l hung over loser who always came into work at least an hour late...on my good days. I could tell Aya wanted him... thought he looked so fucking suave peeking at him from the corner of his eye and making sure he looked perfect when Ken glanced over. What am I saying... you’d could take a picture of Aya taking a crap and he’d *still* look perfect. It gets old after a while, well at least to me. I have to spend hours in front of a mirror to look half as good as him. At least he never smiles, if that happened, then I’d *never* get any attention.

I keep talking like I’m still there...instead of in this crappy hellhole of an apartment across town. I need to hide for a while, maybe for forever. Shit, the one time I finally *do* decide to open my heart back up...It gets thrown off a fucking cliff..into an acid lake..only then to be eaten by rabid sharks, who then get...I sound dramatic don’t I? But that’s how it feels. All I hear and see is the same Goddamn scene playing in my head...

***

I’m sitting on my pretty ass as usual, pretending to be interested in what rabid fan girl number thirty-five is saying. Like I give a fuck about what she got on her chemistry test. Suddenly I feel a hand come down on my shoulder. I slowly look up to see troubled brown eyes peering down at me. My stomach promptly proceeds in doing a double back flip with a twist, making me feel like I’m in sixth grade again. I hear Omi giggling and I whip my head over to glare daggers at him. His large blue eyes look up at the ceiling as he whistles innocently, nonchalantly scooting away to water some already watered plants. I look back up at Ken, giving him my best smile. “Yeah?” I ask.

“Can we talk?” I blink at him. Hundreds of ideas of what he wants to talk about whiz through my muddled mind.

Dark eyes glance around. “In private?” He tugs lightly at my sleeve. More *interesting* ideas pop into my head. I grit my teeth and attempt to look bored as I shrug casually. He motions toward the back room and I follow him quickly, taking a peek at my reflection in a nearby window. Yeah, I guess I look all right, wish I had a hairbrush...

“Yohji..” Ken’s standing in the doorway pouting, God he’s so fucking adorable, almost to the point where I want to pinch him or something. He’s chewing on his lip now, and I’m using every ounce of my will power not to take him into my arms and just...hold him.

Wow, I didn’t say fuck.

It’s the first time since Asuka since I haven’t felt only lust for someone..who knew it’d be for a man. A klutzy man...A klutzy hotheaded man...A...Damn, have I got weird taste.

“Gomen.” I mutter softly and follow him into the backroom. He’s already pacing circles when I quietly shut the door. I watch silently as he sticks his index finger in his mouth and starts absentmindedly chewing on his fingernail. Anxious brown eyes glance up at me.

“Oh!” he whips his hand behind his back and grins sheepishly. He’s so fucking cute! Shit, I sound like one of the girls outside....this is getting pretty pathetic..maybe I should just go ahead and....

“Yohji...” his unusually soft voice breaks into my thoughts. I glance up at him. His lower lip is shaking as he takes a deep breath.

“Aya told me he loved me..." Brown eyes change from distress to surprise.

"...Yohji??”

He stares at me in complete shock. I can’t blame him. I wonder what it’s like to see me like this. I...I’ve never felt this much pain. I can’t even breathe and I feel hot tears uncontrollably streaming down my cheeks. No...no...This isn’t fair...this isn’t fair..

Both our eyes widen when I hear a sob escape my lips. My head is going to explode. I furiously wipe at my tears, humiliated and heartbroken at the same time.

“Yohji..” Ken reaches a hand towards me and I lurch away, I don’t need his fucking pity, I don’t need anyone. I stumble for the door and attempt to open it with my shaking hands. When it finally whips open I break into a run. Omi calls after me, the girls call after me, *he* calls after me, but I don’t even glance back.

I don’t want him to see me cry.

I don’t want him to see me again.

TBC

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