Macking 101
Mack that Chigget
Assuming that you want to make the girl happy... for starters, that means you
put a bag over your face when you're seen with her in public. Okay, okay,
okay... that line was pretty played out. Here we go for real...
Step One: Flowers by Bobbi
Aside from being strong and all, every girl knows that flowers have been
known to make guys broke (and Bank of America a strong company to bet on
in 10 years). What a more perfect way to express your devotion? The chick
goes, "Oh my gosh! you got me Flowers by Bobbi!!!" In her head she's thinkin',
"Damn this guys is STACKED maybe i should consider gettin' into a
relationship with him or at least milk him for a few more dates." Okay, so
maybe the high maintenance only applies to Korean chicks, but still no way to
make a girl feel better than getting them Flowers by Bobbi (Mountain View at
Middlefield and Shoreline btw).
Step Two: Asking Her Out
There are many different approaches to different type of girls. For example if
the girl is ugly, obese or not quite the perfect 10 but you want to hit the skins
anyway, talk to her prior to the date, say nice things like "You look good in that
yada yada... Wow! that was pretty clever of u when u yada yada." However if
the girl is cute, smart and pretty, your approach has to be as insulting as
possible... start off with "You're fat." follow up with a "You're the most
disgusting girl I know." Slam it down with the most insulting comments you can
think of. this will cause the girl to appear to be pissed at you, but don't worry.
That's the technique. Right afterwards, just gimme the name of the chick and
let me talk to her. If your taste is good, the talk might take a while, so be
patient. Me asking her out is just a way to ... uh... give you props the whole
night... yeah... that's it.
Step Three: Taking Her Out
Limo service is out of the question (thanks to the flowers), and your parents
are using their car the same nite. Tech rite here is to borrow a friend's car that
doesn't have a date for the night. If they do, then make up something about taking
walks being more romantic.
Step Four: Picking Her Up
Impressing the parents is key here. It's pretty damn easy, too. Chinese parents love guys who can
speak Chinese. Here's a quick tutorial. To the moms you say, "ah ee hao. nee gun nee duh nyeu ur ee
yang piang liang." This means that her moms is tha bombs. To the pops, you go,"gan nee niang." This
means that her pops is on tops! If the pops shows any sign of anger then you probably said it wrong...
Immediately say it again enunciating it better.
If anyone gets hurt while following any of these instructions, I am not responsible in any way.
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