THE (ADMITTEDLY BELATED) WEEK IN PICTURES

I apologize for my tardiness this week...a job with nothing to do and a T3 line to do it with have given way to 10-hour days and a crap-ass dial up connection. In order to make up it to you loyal picture viewers, here's an advance look at Part 2 of "Solitaire is a Lonely Man's Game." As always, please give this page a few minutes to load.

A Shepard and guard dog glance warily at a group of Africanized "killer" ducks. The seemingly innocent creatures are known to swarm and repeatedly yell "AFLAC" at unsuspecting victims.

Russ Johnson demonstrates a new era in mini-van comfort. "It feels you're just melting into the seat," said Johnson.

A mother and daughter leave a new Nevada brothel, mistakenly thinking it was a discount store.

Another group of Washington, DC tourists learn why you never park in Northeast and walk to the Capitol.

Dorky, annoying Ottawans are thrilled to find themselves chic among Hollywood stars. Rumor has it Tom Cruise is dating Margaret Atwood, and Angelina Jolie has left Billy Bob Thorton for former Mounted Police Superintendent Yves Bouchard.

I'm no psychic, but you can almost feel this guy thinking "I could have gone to Fort Lauderdale and gotten laid."

South Dakota successfully builds and operates the state's first nuclear power plant. "We done smashed them atoms up good," said physicst Earl Buttner.

It's ridiculous hat day at the polo grounds.

THE WEEK IN SPORTS

Longtime sumo rivals Rogahika Clemensaki and Mikeo Piazzaki let their battle spill out of the ring. The two have exchanged a war of words since Clemensaki threw a grain of rice too close to Piazzaki.

Phillies manager Larry Bowa points to a section of the new Philadelphia stadium where fighting is not only encouraged, it's mandatory."Philly fans don't want to do much except get drunk and beat people up," said Bowa. "I'm glad the city has finally realized that."

Jealous of Nomar's recent success with New Kids on the Block, Red Sox manager Jimy Williams joins the Backstreet Boys. Within a week two of the Boys are on the DL, and the other three won't speak with each other or Williams.

Stagnant attendance at Olympic Stadium forces the The Montral Expos to attract fans by foregoing baseball for a new feature called "Hot Chicks Jumping Over Fire."

YOU'VE BEEN QUIET THIS WEEK, MR. PRESIDENT

President Bush hires a large baseball uniform-wearing chipmunk to help him with household chores. "I wish he'd stop hiring rodents," said White House spokesman Ari Fleischer."But then, where would I be?"

To boost his sagging approval rating with African-Americans, President Bush divorces Laura and marries DC resident Latisha Williams, and adopts her young son Michael. Republicans have already started a campaign fund for Michael's 2032 Presidential campaign.

Our "Exercise in Futility Award" goes to Dr. Nicholas Ruttiger of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. "He used a lot of big words," said Bush later. "I liked Winston Churchill better."

Mr. Bush carries on a 45-minute conversation with a stone bust of Winston Churchill. "I had heard he was an eloquent man," said Bush. "Frankly, I just didn't get that impression."

Pictures from weeks long, long ago.... 7/5 6/27 6/20 6/13 6/6

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