The postal service has now passed a rate increase on the cost of a first class letter. Instead of the 34¢ it will now cost you 37¢ per letter. Providing that it is within the weight and size limit.
The post office blames the rising cost of business for the rate increase. (Higher costs for gasoline, employees, bullets, and attorney fees.) They also say that they're raising the price of stamps by three cents because they need to upgrade their equipment. Apparently, they're going from semi-automatics to uzis.

Top Ten Ways The Post Office Will Spend The Extra Money From The Rate Hike:

10. Hire consultants to figure out how to plan next rate hike.
9. Find new and better ways to lose our nation's mail.
8. Stamps the size of door mats!
7. Face lift for Mr. Zip.
6. Commemorative stamp collection featuring President Clinton and all of his mistresses.
5. Lobby to put a mailman on Mount Rushmore.
4. Battery-operated vibrating mail bags.
3. Special stamp glue that gives you a three hour buzz.
2. Retain the services of Robert Shapiro.
And the number one way to spend the profit....

1. Ammo! Ammo! Ammo!
As presented on the broadcast of THE LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN, on 12-16-96.

How to screw-up a job interview at the post office:
1) You greet your interviewer with a friendly "Hello! I think you have the most beautiful eyes, I'd love to fill them with terror".
2) You list hobbies as hunting, target practice and staring at people until they panic.
3) Your letter of recommendation is from a guy named "Chuck Manson".
4) Your resume' looks like a cut-and-paste ransom note.
5) When asked by the interviewer where do you see yourself in 10 years you reply, "In the morning or the afternoon?"

The postal service hit a record 88% on-time record for first class mail.
Postal workers also hit a record 75% of everything they shot at.

You Know Your Postal Carrier Is Working Too Hard When....
...He announces that he just married a sheet of Marilyn Monroe stamps.
...it's been over three weeks since he cleaned his gun.
...He delivers the mail wearing nothing but the new Disney stamps.
...His new system includes reaching into the bag and whatever you grab is yours!
...He's stopped having sex with over half of the housewives in the neighborhood.
...He just sits on the curb, tearing pages out of "Victoria's Secret" catalog and eating them.
...He's been leaving most of the driving to his pet dog, Lassie.
...His wife complains that in the bedroom, he is most definitely NOT "Mr. Zip."
...He claims he's the current best-selling doll and demands that you play with him.
...He walks down the street making obsene gestures and shouting, "Lick this!"


What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast?

They're hiring.

YOU MIGHT BE A RURAL CARRIER....

If you are the last one in your community to hear about a postal rate increase.
If half the folks in the county owe you 23 cents.
If you have to turn every page of "Victoria's Secret" to find a good address.
If the mail that you deliver is starting to DPS you off.
If your kids are speaking in acronyms.
If your emergency brake is always on.
If after a rural route count your Postmaster says you route is going to H.
If you think more about addressing, than undressing.
If your day if full of cancellations.
If you start work at 7 AM, get off at 6 PM, and are evaluated for 8 hours of work.
If your car has more dust in it than your driveway.
If you know every mechanic in town by first name.
If your passenger seat is more worn than the driver 's side.
If you run off the road in your sleep.
If you need hand trucks to get flats back to case.
If it is 10 pm and you have rubber bands on your wrist.
If you find yourself wondering "how in the hell am I going to carry this dinky little H route and stay within the evaluation and avoid 2080 or 2240 problems".
If you find that things that you thought could not be changed, have now been changed.
If your management seems a lot happier than before the count.
If you find yourself looking for a MUCH bigger vehicle for the route.
If you find yourself looking at the employment ads again.
If you are checking your calendar to see how long you have left till retirement.
If you feel sure that you will win the lottery and the crappy count will be thrown out too.
If you are now conversant with terms like 8127 , built in, rebuilds and grievances, leaving time, bump time etc.

I've told you that I've heard all of the "going postal" jokes. Yet when I sat down to do this page, I couldn't think of all of them. Must be the stress of the job kicking in and locking up my brain. haha If you've heard a good postal joke and want to share it with me, please email me and let me have a look at it. If it's a good one, I'll post it here. Fact of the matter is that postal work is a stressful job. People depend on us to get their hard-earned bills to them. Yet there are more stressful jobs out there I'm sure. What do you think? I believe that "going postal" is just a cop-out for some bad apples in the group. Postal workers are hard-working decent people just trying to make a living for their families. Please, this page is a joke. An attempt at humor. Do not let a few bad apples spoil the whole batch. We are human too.

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