1,000,001 Things I Wish I Had Said First

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

A bachelor's life is no life for a single man.

          Samuel Goldwyn

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

          Robert Frost

A Bill of Rights is what the people are entitled to against every government on Earth . . . and what no just government should refuse.

          Thomas Jefferson

A clever person turns great troubles into little ones and little ones into none at all.

	  Chinese proverb

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history--with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.

          Mitch Ratcliffe, Technology Review, April 1992

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

          Arthur Block

A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned how to walk forward.

          Franklin Roosevelt

A diamond is a chunk of coal that made good under pressure.

          Anonymous

A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions.

          Wilson Mizner

A friend is one who warns you.

          Near East proverb

A goal is a dream with a deadline.

          unknown

A government big enough to give you everything you want is big enough to take from you everything you have.

          Gerald Ford

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.

          George Bernard Shaw

A hospital is no place to be sick.

          Samuel Goldwyn

A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.

          Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love

A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

          Robert Frost

A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of.

          Jane Austin

A life spent in making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent in doing nothing.

          unknown

A lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it; it would be hell on earth.

          George Bernard Shaw

A little kindness from person to person is better than a vast love for all humankind.

          Richard Dehmel

A man can be destroyed but not defeated.

          Ernest Hemingway, The Old Man and the Sea

A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

          Oscar Wilde

A man could not be in two places at the same time unless he were a bird.

          Sir Boyle Roche

A nation . . . is just a society for hating foreigners.

          Olaf Stapledon

A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.

          Yogi Berra

A painting in a museum probably hears more foolish remarks than anything else in the world.

          Edmond & Jules Goncourt

A part of kindness consists of loving people more than they deserve.

          Joseph Joubert

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.

	  Dwight Eisenhower

A rumor without a leg to stand on will get around some other way.

          John Tudor

A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.

          Joseph Stalin

A society that will trade a little liberty for a little order will lose both, and deserve neither.

          Thomas Jefferson

A tree's a tree. How many more do you need to look at?

          Ronald Reagan

A truth that's told with bad intent
Beats all the lies you can invent.

          William Blake

A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

          Samuel Goldwyn

A woman is like a teabag; you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.

          Nancy Reagan

A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke.

          Rudyard Kipling

Action, this day.

          Winston Churchill

AEROFLOT: Introducing wide boiled aircraft for your comfort. . . .

          ad for the Soviet airline

After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the school department is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of David Steele to the post.

          Philip Streifer

After the war, France and England should join hands to make a formidable fart.

          the Duke of Windsor during WWII

Ah, the Virginia Pep Band. There's an organization that has withstood more adversity than any band in the nation--and they're still standing tall. They rush in where athletic departments fear to tread.

          Jefferson-Pilot TV announcer, at the 1995 ACC Tournament

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.

          Anatole France

All ice cubes will be boiled before using.

          U. S. army official

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

          unknown

All so-called revealed religions consist mainly of three portions, a cosmogony more or less mythical, a history more or less falsified, and a moral code more or less pure.

          Sir Richard Francis Burton

All you have to do [to protect yourself from radiation] is go down to the bottom of your swimming pool and hold your breath.

          David Miller

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.

          Mark Twain

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and, furthermore, always carry a small snake.

          W. C. Fields

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

          Yogi Berra

Always keep your clothes and your weapons where you can find them in the dark.

          Robert Heinlein

Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them?

          Abraham Lincoln

An agency subject to the provisions of the Federal Reports Act may enter into an arrangement with an organization not subject to the Act whereby the organization not subject to the Act collects information on behalf of the agency subject to the Act. The reverse also occurs.

          memo from the Office of Management and Budget

An amazing invention, but who would ever want to use one?

          Rutherford Hayes on the telephone, 1876

An armed society is a polite society.

          Robert Heinlein

An artist never really finishes his work, he merely abandons it.

          Paul Val ry

An expert is someone who knows some of the worst mistakes that can be made in his subject and how to avoid them.

          Werner Heisenberg

An injury is much sooner forgiven than an insult.

          Earl of Chesterfield

And Kansas City is at Chicago tonight, or is that Chicago at Kansas City? Well, no matter, Kansas City leads in the eighth, four to four.

          Jerry Coleman

And let me say in conclusion, thanks for the kids. I learned an awful lot about bathtub toys--about how to work the telephone. One guys knows--several of them know their own phone numbers--preparation to go to the dentist. A lot of things I'd forgotten. So it's been a good day.

          George Bush

And the sea will grant each man new hope . . . his sleep bring dreams of home.

          Christopher Columbus

And this is the real carrot at the end of the rainbow.

          Paul Lyneham

And what is more, I agree with everything I have just said.

          attributed to Piet Koornhoff

And when Tweedle Beetles battle with their paddles in a puddle in a bottle, and the bottle's on a poodle, and the poodle's eating noodles, it's a Tweedle Beetle Noodle Poodle Puddle Bottle Paddle Battle.

          Dr. Suess, Fox in Sox

Any cook of either sex, white or black, of any and all nationalities and religious affiliations, hereafter shall make and bake biscuits of a size not less than six inches in circumference, to weigh not more than one ounce when done, always to be served hot.

          Oklahoma State Legislature bill

Any idiot can face a crisis--it's the day-to-day living that wears you out.

          Anton Chekhov

Any player unaware of the fool in the market probably IS the fool in the market.

          Warren Buffett

Any time Detroit scores more than 100 points and holds the other team below 100 points, they almost always win.

          Doug Collins

Any time you have influence, try ordering around someone else's dog.

          The Cockle Bur

Anyone can be elected governor. I'm proof of that.

          Joe Frank Harris

Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.

          Samuel Goldwyn

Anything concerning the Ambassador's swimming pool must be referred to as water storage tank not as swimming pool.

          Internal State Department memo

Applause is the spur of noble minds, the end and aim of weak ones.

          C. C. Colton

Are you haunted by horribles?
Do you ever run after your nose?
Does your nose choke?
Does your head or face or shoulder ever limp?
Has any part of your body suddenly grown uncontrollable?
Do you have heart thrills?
Do you have hot fit?
Do you feel as if there were two when there is only one?
Are more than half your teeth off?
Do you readily become orderless unless you are strained?

          questions on a Japanese medical form

Are young Americans be getting stupider?

          the Corvallis (Oregon) Gazette Times

Arguing with a person's faith is like chasing them around a parking lot: you can keep backing them up and backing them up, but you'll never actually corner them.

          George Weilacher

Art is the lie that makes us realize the truth.

          Pablo Picasso

[As a lawyer] I have three rules: I never believe what the prosecutor or police say; I never believe what the media say; and I never believe what my client says.

          Alan Dershowitz of the O.J. Simpson defense team

As God once said, and I think rightly . . .

          Field Marshall Bernard Law Montgomery (apocryphal)

As I said already, they have conducted themselves in the last two or three years, much more discri-er, discree-discri-uh, with greater prudence and discretion than we have because it is, uh, I-I've forgotten what the question was.

          J. William Fulbright

As it says in Bible, God fights on side of heaviest artillery.

          Robert Heinlein, The Moon is a Harsh Mistress