Chicken Soup For The Beer Drinker's Soul
"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I
feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the
workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams.
If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and
their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It
is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come
true than be selfish and worry about my liver." - Jack
Handy
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"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake
up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel
all day." - Frank Sinatra
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"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk in order
to spend time with his friends." - Ernest Hemingway
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"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think
not." - Stephen Wright
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"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
- Benjamin Franklin
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"Without question, the greatest invention in the history
of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also
a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well
with pizza." - Dave Barry
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BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C.!!! - "Genesis"
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To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group.
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One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the
Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went:
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as
fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest
and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection
is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of
the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest
members. "In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as
fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know,
kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain
cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker
brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's
why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
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