BULDING THE FUTURE

Chapter III. Communication Skills

Communicate With Confidence

Communication is more than talking. It is a two way process of sending and receiving messages, both verbally and nonverbally. Communication is vital to our personal success and it seems there is always more to be learned.

Misunderstandings occur easily when we communicate because we make certain assumptions. Circle yes or no for each question.

Do you ever assume:

  1. that communication is finished when you have spoken.
  2. that because you are talking other people are listening.
  3. that your words have the same meaning to others.
  4. that because you say it others will remember
  5. that because you say it others understand.
  6. that what people say is what they really mean.
  7. that your problems are most important.
  8. that because a person takes on a job, that task will be carried out.
  9. that because no questions are asked everyone understands.
  10. that because you cannot answer a question you lose face.

If you answered yes to more than three of the above statements, you may be interested in learning more about communicating and perhaps even practicing some of these skills.

Practice Makes Permanance

Your message has three main components: visual, vocal and verbal. To improve your communication style, choose one skill to practice on a daily basis and after a while it will become natural.

Visual

1. Eye contact - increasing eye contact makes listeners feel you are interested in them and genuine about the subject you are peaking about.

Practice: In your next 5 conversations, notice where you look and how long (should be 5-15 seconds) or ask someone to evaluate or video tape you.

2. Facial expressions, gestures and body movements - make up over half of the message you are conveying.

Practice: Notice in your next conversation how much impact different body movements have on the person you are communicating with. Example: Try standing with your arms crossed, leaning back against a wall with a frown on your face. Does this get any different response than standing with your arms bent and your body leaning slightly forward smiling or nodding as the person is talking?

3. Active Listening - show genuine interest in the person that is talking and listen in the way you would expect them to listen to you. Watch for signs that indicate a change in mood or their loss of interest.

Practice: Paraphrase what someone has said to you to be sure you understand the meaning. Ask questions to get further details.

Vocal

1. Tone of voice - make it congruent with your message. If you were talking about a sport you are passionate about, a monotone voice would not be appropriate. Add enthusiasm and emphasis to parts of your conversation.

Practice: record your voice and evaluate where more emphasis or feeling may be added.

Verbal

1. Word choices - words only carry 7% of the message, but choose them carefully as sometimes they have different meanings. Example: Betty never thought much of it when she told her husband, "I'm at Sandy's, we're having hot dogs for dinner," until her husband showed up at Sandy's with hot dogs in hand. She realized he had interpreted what she said differently than what she intended. Use words that are specific to the points you are trying to make.

Practice: make list of words used that could be interpreted more than 1 way.

2. Use "I" messages - take ownership and send clear messages about how you feel about something. "I" messages are a description of what you say, do and hear. Avoid accusational remarks like "you never listen" or "you're so messy". Instead, express how the situation makes you feel.

Practice: Consciously make an effort to start sentences with "I".

Rate Your Communication Skills

To assess your personal communication skills, please check the column that is most applicable. This will help you recognize the areas which need developing.

Personal Communication Skills Assessment

Communication Skills
Need to
do Less
Doing
Alright
Need to
do More
Be brief and concise, and always be sure to get to the point      
Use body language, gestures and stance to support my words      
Use words that accurately describe what I want to say      
Ask others to repeat (playback) what I have said to them      
Let others know when I don't understand something they've said      
Listen to understand rather than preparing my next remarks      
Before I agree or disagree, check to make sure I understand      
Verify, rather than assuming I know what others are feeling      
Always take time to observe those non-verbal messages      
Share good feelings (praise, happiness, appreciation)      

Skills I want to practice:

1._______________________________________________________________ 2._______________________________________________________________ 3._______________________________________________________________ 4._______________________________________________________________ 5._______________________________________________________________

Summary

Practice on a daily basis and your communication skills will improve. How you talk and listen to others helps you establish productive and successful relationships, on both a personal and business level.

© 2001 Metis Nation of the South
 

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