BULDING THE FUTURE

Chapter III. Communication Skills

Keeping Your Ears Open

Being able to listen to a message is as important as being able to send one. Effective communication happens only when the listener receives the same message as the speaker is intending. This is sometimes difficult as we seldom receive formal training on learning how to listen.

Why We Don't Hear Others

We can think quicker than we can speak so often instead of listening we are processing information. Evaluate your skills by answering the questions below. Mark a 'Y' for Yes and 'N' for No.

While you are listening to someone speak, do you:

  • ___ rehearse your next response in your mind?
  • ___ daydream?
  • ___ think about all the reasons you either like or dislike this person?
  • ___ change the subject when the person is done?
  • ___ criticize or devalue the comments just made?
  • ___ agree with every word?
  • ___ get bored quickly?
  • ___ lose your patience?

If you answered Yes to any of these questions, you may want to consider practicing your listening skills.

Just for Fun

People's past experiences and background can sometimes distort the meaning of what is said, which results in people picking up on details that other's wouldn't. To demonstrate this point, try this exercise:

Someone whispers a comment in the person's ear beside them. Continue to pass the secret around the room until everyone has heard it. The last person says the information out loud and compares it to the original sentence. Is it different? What does that tell you about the group's listening skills?

How to Enhance Your Listening Skills

Let the speaker know that you are listening by using active listening skills. Three techniques that demonstrate this are:

Paraphrasing - Try to understand what is being said without any judgement. Put the message in your own words and say it back to the speaker to see if you really heard what the speaker meant.

Example:

Sender: The cow has gone dry.
Listener: So you 're saying that your cow has stopped producing milk?

Use key phrases like: "do you mean...", "are you saying...", or "can you give me an example?"

Perception checking - Show concern for the person and their feelings. What was your observation of their comments? This is sometimes called reflective listening.

Example:

Sender: I work hard around here but it seems nothing I do is ever enough.
Listener: You feel discouraged; you wish somebody (I) would show some appreciation.

Use key phrases like: "I get the impression...", "you seem disappointed..."

Using Eye Contact - Looking at someone shows you are paying attention to what is being said. Show body language and eye contact that says you are interested in the message they are trying to get across.

As mentioned, active listening is crucial whenever you are communicating. The three techniques above are also very important if the speaker seems defensive or if conflict is developing. Instead of losing patience or responding quickly, step back and try to understand what the speaker is feeling and verbalize the speaker's perspective. This will help the speaker feel like they have been heard and then the real issues can be dealt with.

Summary

Listening takes time and energy but it is a skill that anyone can learn with practice. Good listening begins with a commitment to communicate more effectively with others and at first it will seem awkward and uncomfortable, but it will soon become easier.

Listeners also make good leaders. Through their talents in listening, they are able to process what is being said from many people and then provide a common direction or vision for the group to move toward. If you have strengths in listening, consider yourself a leader.

© 2001 Metis Nation of the South
 

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