Johnny H.

Johnny H., 18 September 10, '79 - September 13, '97 rare heart condition

SEPARATION

I need my Johnny today.
He left all of us so suddenly,
without a goodbye, without a clue
on how to survive.
I want and need my Johnny today.

He was the picture of health.
So tall, so strong; so happy in his life.
But he went away. It's not his fault.
But who's is it?
I need my Johnny today.

We're supposed to figure out how to go on
Without his hugs, his beautiful smile, his laughing eyes
How can we do this?
I need to hear "I love you, mom".
I need my Johnny today.

When his father died the one comfort was that
he and his sister were by my side.
I need his help again.
I need my Johnny today.

Does God really say, "It's time to come home?"
Did he pick you, to take you from us?
Am I being punished? Or was it just rotten luck?
Does God understand, I need my Johnny today?

I'm not ready to let go.
I can't forget the love in your eyes,
the sweet innocence of you.
Doesn't anybody understand,
I need my Johnny today?

I know you were our precious gift
but gifts aren't to be taken back.
I'm angry. I'm hurt. I love you. I miss you.
I'm not this strong.
I need my Johnny today.

I have been told that someday I'll accept this.
I'll remember without so much pain, but until then -
Please God help me and let me feel that Johnny is with me because
I need my Johnny today.

Dawn H. ~ TCF Troy
In memory of son, Johnny, age 18
9/10/79 - 9/13/97

I MISS YOU

I miss my brother
I miss him every day
I miss getting mad at him.
I miss his sweet ways.

I miss having my brother and me.
I miss him every day.
All the things I miss about him,
Out loud I can barely say.

It's hard to talk about him.
My throat starts to tighten,
My heart feels weak.

I don't talk about him much
Because it hurts so bad.
But when I talk about him
My heart feels free.
I miss my brother and I know he misses me.

Just because I'm not talking about him
Doesn't mean I don't miss him,
Every moment, every day.
I miss my brother John.

I never put this in writing, but I remember the day of your funeral. I was in my own little world, I couldn't believe what was happening. For the funeral home we collected pictures of you and made a collage of your life, but I wanted to take more pictures of you later. I didn't want this to be the end.

We had the funeral and everyone showed how much they loved you. I hope you heard my song to you. You were and are the "wind beneath my wings." When we drove to the cemetery, I got out and knew we would lay you next to dad. Nothing seemed real. When I was sitting there before they were going to bury you, I didn't hear a word anyone said. I was looking at the trees blowing in the wind. I actually felt peace at that moment in time. I felt the wind and knew you were there. A peace I knew you gave. I love you. And I knew you were safe. Thank you for that moment of peace.

(Erica H., John's sister)