Gee, Commodore Pellew

PELLEW: That it should come to this.  You of all people. HORATIO:  It’s good of you to come. PELLEW:  This is not a social call man!  Well, what do you have to say for yourself? HORATIO: Deeeeeeeear Kindly captain Pellew Ya gotta understand It’s just the situation Was getting out of hand Our doctor was a junky Our captain was insane Golly, Moses, what was there to gain? (Archie, Wellard, and Bush come out of nowhere to plead Horatio’s case) HORATIO, ARCHIE, WELLARD AND BUSH: Gee Commodore Pellew We’re very upset We never had the leadership We were s’posed to get We ain’t no delinquents We’re misunderstood We did the service losta good HORATIO: Lotsa good! ALL (HORATIO, ARCHIE, WELLARD AND BUSH): Lotsa good, lotsa good, What we did was good Bringing order did us lotsa good (Lt. Kennedy, report!) ARCHIE: Deeeeeeear Kindly Captain Hammond Our captain treats us rough With all that rum and liquor We never got enough He didn’t want to have us But orders made us had Leapin’ lizards, please don’t think we’re bad (Captains Hammond and Collins come in to give Pellew some support) HAMMOND: Now Commodore Pellew, I still think it’s wrong This was trying to take over the whole time along PELLEW: But Captain Hammond, you’re such a square You’re making this trial all unfair HORATIO: So unfair! ALL (INCLUDING PELLEW): It’s unfair, it’s unfair, this is so unfair PELLEW: This is making me lose all my hair! WELLARD: Myyyyyyyy captain beats my bottom And Randall beats on Styles Our doctor pushes laud’num And gets drunk all the while My vision’s going blurry As we’re all sailin’ west Goodness gracious, that’s why we’re a mess (Lt. Bush, report!) BUSH: Yes Commodore Pellew We shouldn’t be here We boys don’t need a cell To damage all our careers Tragedy’s plagued us, a terrible trick Isn’t the hand of fate just sick!  (next column....)

HORATIO: It’s so sick! ALL: It is sick, it is sick It is sick, sick, sick Why doesn’t Sawyer’s psyche tick? Deeeeeeeear Kindly board of captains They tell we’re berserk “What kind of sailors are you? You think mutiny works?” It’s not we’re anti-navy We’re only anti-jerk Glory osky, why can’t our ship work? HAMMOND: Commodore Pellew, we’ve done it again This boy needs a promotion, not his life in the pen It’s only a question of misunderstood You’re right, this kid is really good HORATIO:  I am good! ALL: You’re so good, you’re so good You are oh so good The captains said that you are good! ARCHIE:  The trouble is I’m dying WELLARD:  The trouble is I’m dead BUSH:  The trouble is I’m wounded COLLINS:  Hey, when do we get fed? PELLEW:  This trouble is I’m bias HORATIO:  The trouble is I’m right ALL:  Looky, will we ever win this fight? ALL: Gee, Commodore Pellew We’re down on our knees Don’t send us to the gallows now We’re beggin’ ya please Gee, Commodore Pellew, what are we to do? Gee Commodore Pellew Pell you!

Take me back to Manhattan...er...back to General Silliness

A parody of "Gee Officer Krupke" from West Side Story