ForHalf-a-MangoMore

Ours is a long wait. You wait for the bus, the delayed train, the cancelled flight and installing the telephone. At public dispensaries you wait for the doctor, the compounder and, finally, the medicines. That is how we still tolerate an indifferent bureaucracy. But there are some who are more equal than others.

Ram gets one mango more than Shyam. If the total number of mangoes distributed is five, determine how many mangoes do Ram and Shyam receive? These sort of problems tortured me through school. These days you can solve these problems in a jiffy with a computer. But there were no computers in those days. Life was difficult.

Nonetheless, I had a teacher who had much imagination. She told us that if Ram received one mango more, let us first remove that forbidden fruit and keep it hidden from Shyam. Then we would be left with four, which could easily be divided between the two. But when Shyam made his exit, Ram would get the extra mango. It was so

simple. The only thing I could not fathom was why Ram should be given special treatment. If I protested, the teacher reworded the problem, making Shyam get a mango less. This made it worse!

Much later, I found out why. I was at the Passport Office and first in line. I had been waiting there long before the counter opened. Imagine my predicament when two men coolly took their places ahead of me as the counter opened for business. They werethe privileged few, I was told, and they had special dispensations doled out by those that mattered. They are the people who get a half a mango more than their due.

The aircraft comes to a complete halt. The fasten-seat-belts sign has been switched off. I still have to wait till all the Executive Class passengers get off. They also get their baggage first. On board, they are curtained off from the mortals and given special drinks.

The tatkal seats in the trains are offered at a premium. The tatkal is already in vogue for telephone connections. If we accept such practices, why not extend it to other walks of life? For example, when a train is derailed, the Turrant (speed) passengers can be ferried to their destination in a taxi. The non-turrant passengers have to wait for another train to be rescued.

Are you worried that your electricity troubles are not being attended to? Subscribe to the Jaldi Seva. For a premium, your electricity failure will be attended to by the Bijli Board, ahead of those in queue. The others will be told where to get mombhattis (candles).

The Patron Seva is meant for the ration shops. Subscribers will get an immediateaudience with the shop-keeper. Others will have to try the Dharm Seva queue. The Sukh Seva is for commuter bus passengers. Sukhsevites are carried sitting, while the Dukhsevites travel standing or hanging out of the bus.

Do you have problems getting a driver's licence? The deluxe service at the Regional Transport Authority will make/renew the licence in a matter of minutes. The others will have to wait ages, and more to get their documents back (if at all)!

We complain that our Internet access is slow. Let us create a class called Lightning. Those subscribing to the service will be given preference over non-Lightning subscribers. They will be connected instantaneously. They will get responses when their modems make calls. The end modems will not abuse them with unprintable offence when connected! They will also receive kinder e-mails!