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April 24, 2005
EAP Entertainment: Parliament Funkadelic - "Flashlight"
*T_PiddyentersthecolumwiththeWCWTitleslungoverhisshoulder*
Welcome once again to the EAP. It's a celebration bitches. I got a lot I wanna speak on, so enough of the small talk, let's get down to business. Before I procede I do want to say the format is going to be slightly different. If I tried to use song quotes before every thought this column would be eight pages long. Maybe if I updated more than once every 2 months I wouldn't have that problem…
Guy Mode On (…tho with the EAP when is it ever off?)
"I am the World Wrestling Federation Champion. The Excellence of Execution is on top. There's a new gun in town." - Bret "Hitman" Hart
Considering it's almost May, my favorite time of the year has come and gone, but I'm still going to talk about it. WrestleMania. This year's extravaganza from the Staples Center didn't fail to deliver. With the exception of the WWE Championship Title (SmackDown!) match the entire card was solid, but there's certain things in particular I want to talk about.
"The Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels v. "The Olympic Gold Medalist" Kurt Angle (ATL '96) was easily the best match on the card. Big Game James and myself went down to the local sports bar to catch the show. While people would randomly cheer throughout the event, this one got everyone into it. You were either a Michaels fan or an Angle fan. And while each side wanted their man to win, there was an air of respect during the whole match. Even though HBK tapped out to the Anglelock (surprising everyone watching - Michaels has been around for years. That alone should have given him the win) in the end, I can't say I went home upset after that match.
Trish Stratus is just simply delicious. I would lick Vaseline off of this woman. And considering she was able to carry Playboy Covergirl (and WWE Rookie) Christy Hemme to a decent (and I use that term loosely) match, I'm gonna go out and say Trish might be the greatest women's champ ever.
Yelling !porque!, !porque!, !porque! in a crowded bar after the Spanish Announce Table gets demolished will get you lots of laughs and a lot of weird looks. Excuse me for being happy I know some Spanish.
2 weeks before the big dance, BGJ and I attended the Road to WrestleMania 21 house show that the RAW brand was putting on in the Township Auditorium. This was cool because it was the last show the RAW brand was having before WrestleMania 21. Lots of interesting things happened here. Us getting to sit ringside due to BGJ's freak basketball accident that left him with a broken leg. Us getting to meet Orangeburg, SC native and current WWE Intercontinental Champion Shelton Benjamin. Us watching Batista pin Triple H clean in a non-title matchup - which we later found out was a "dry run" for the RAW Main Event at WrestleMania. But the thing I'll remember most involved "The Legend Killer" Randy Orton.
Now I can't stand Orton. He's not the best wrestler. He was given too much too fast (he's already been World Heavyweight Champ and he's only 23). But he can work a crowd and his gimmick is decent. Anyways, at WrestleMania he was scheduled to fight the Undertaker. 'Taker is on SmackDown!, so basically Orton was at this house show for shits and giggles. Well apparently he decided to cut a promo. Not without a little interference from us. Keep in mind, the Township Auditorium ain't the Bi-Lo Center or any other big arena. It's really quaint and personable.
*Orton's music hits*
T_Piddy/BGJ: BOOOO!!! ORTON YOU SUCK (this goes on during his whole posedown)
Orton: Columbia, South Carolina…
T_Piddy: REST IN PEACE ORTON!!!
Big Game James: YOUR DADDY CAN'T HELP YOU NOW!!!! (reference to SD! from the prior week)
Orton: Last time I was here you cheered me. You welcomed me with open arms…
T_Piddy: YOU SUCK ORTON!!!
Orton: (getting frustrated with us interrupting him - remember we were ringside). Well tonight I'm here to talk about one thing…
(at this point the entire Township is silent minus us 2 jackasses in the front row)
Big Game James: UNDERTAKER'S GOT YOUR NUMBER ORTON!!!!
Orton: (pointing at BGJ & pissed off) THAT'S RIGHT!!! - I'm here to talk about the Undertaker.
T_Piddy/Big Game James: LOL *high fives all around*
To this day, if you asked either one of us what the rest of that interview was about, we couldn't tell you…
By the way, before I go any further - the WCW Heavyweight Title from this point on will now be referred to as the South Carolina Metropolitan (SCM) Heavyweight Title. This title is representative of all Metro areas in the state of South Carolina (Spartanburg, Greenville, Anderson, Sumter, Florence, Columbia, Myrtle Beach, Charleston) and can be defended only in those areas. In special circumstances, the title can and will be put on the line to uphold the honor of said areas against a challenger from another state. Competition is only allowed in sanctioned drinking contests such as "Last Man Standing" and "First Vomit" matches. Videogame, weight lifting, basketball, and eating contests are also acceptable. A contest cannot be held between challengers whose home residences are within the same Metro area. However, if a challenger is from the same Metro as the champion, yet the challenger has moved to another state, then the contest can be held with the title on the line. (ie - Big Game James v. T_Piddy for the title could not happen since both are from Sumter, however Denny v. Piddy V could be for the title since Denny now resides in Alabama). If a challenger is not from a Metro area then the Metro closest to his home residence will be his "home base." (ie- Clemson would fall in the Anderson Metro, not the Greenville Metro) In the case of the title changing hands, the former champion is allowed a 2-Rematch Clause before the title can be challenged by a new challenger. However, there must be at least 2 but no more than 4 weeks between each rematch bout.
Terence: *shakeshead* He just made up rules and regulations for that big piece of gold that he carries around. And I think he's serious. Something tells me he's not going to have that title this time next year.
T_Piddy: *clocksTerencewiththeSCMtitle* Get out of my column son…
Terence: You'll pay yet. I've got someone waiting for you that you just can't push around.
T_Piddy: Whatever… On with the show.
PAGE TWO THIS WAY
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