First of all, I think everybody should restraint from using the word love. Love is both holy and sinful; it represents too many human's naked emotions and characters: pleasure, pain, devotion, hatre, jealousy, desire, despair.
It is a word too heavy to be spoken out loud. (This is the reason why I despise love songs that abuses this word.) So please, respect this word and use it only if it means life and death to you.
To me, Yuan (fate) influences love. People often fall in love without knowing the reason why. It just happens, like you owe your beloved the whole universe in your previous life.
But when you repay her/him everything you have, sometimes this love would just die away (because you don't owe her/him anymore). And so there is no right or wrong in love itself
(beside cheating, that's a different story). If anything goes wrong, don't blame your beloved, be patient and understanding; it could be that your yuan is gone. And so you are doomed to be separated from her/him.
Love is based on the balance of give and receive; it is a bond of sharing. When in love, the two are actually one person, where they share thoughts, pleasure
and pain. Any one of them selfishly reserving something from the other will damage the relationship. You have to totally give
yourself away while receiving everything from the other person. Also, love someone who can love you the same in return. Find someone who you can give her/him everything you have, and at
the same time receive everything she/he's got. Don't be fooled by infatuation or determination. If she/he doesn't have the feeling for you,
the person might abuse your love, taking it for granted. So, why bother loving a person whose heart has already belonged to someone else.
She/he may understand your feeling, but can never accept it. (this doesn't mean you can't like the person, it is different from love to like)
Sometimes, you will just have to let go of your determination, and seek for someone who can appreciate your love and devote her/himself to you.
I sometimes really pity we boys/men. We think our ever-lasting energy and devotion are so great that someday we can change the heart of a girl/woman,
and they will love us. So we devoted everything we had, not caring if she could receive or use it at all. And at the end, a simple "no," or "I'm sorry,"
can just destroy us, leaving us with emptiness. This is most entirely our fault because we choose to give without thinking, and that's why boys/men
often suffer. I would just call ourselves fools.
You may say, "I don't want to get hurt, so I won't give everything away." That's not entirely right.
I believe that if one wants a healthy and long lasting relationship, giving everything is just a matter of time. But don't do so, until you are sure she/he is willing and
has the ability to give and receive. So why not just be friends, with anybody, and seek, thou shall find. Remember, it is the heart you are seeking for,
appearance and personality are all secondary consideration. As long as she/he loves you and you are willing to love back, nothing would matter.
Also, when dealing with relationship, truth is always better than lies (no duh!). Although truth will always hurt, but it is only temporary and it is way better than faking, lying, or pretending.
So, if you love a person, why not just tell her/him (in an appropriate time and place that is), or if you don't like a person, why not be straight forward? It will save time for
both of the two. Actually, people in this century are pretty straight forward and so most of us need not worry. Last but not least, I hope anyone who
is enjoying being loved and loving others will learn to avoid making stupid mistakes (like I do); and anyone who is in the stage of ambivalance and agony would recover and find their beloved soon.
Love is a process of learning, you fail, you learn; you learn, you'll succeed.
I do believe there are examples out there that contradicts to what I've said, and I apologize if I offended anybody at all.
But these are just my thoughts. Please forgive me if I sound so idealistic and unpraticle; there is no right way to go about relationship, trust yourself and let your heart be your guide (and maybe, just maybe,
you'd succeed!). By the way, if you have comments please leave them in my
GuestBook or email me
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