PICTURES of the WEEK

WHAT TO DO IF THESE PICTURES TAKE MORE THAN 15 MINUTES TO LOAD: 1) Get a new ISP 2) Get a new computer 3) Get a life

Lynn Cheney quietly wonders how a man with so little hair can have so much dandruff.

Hundreds are killed or cursed as Blair Witch National Forest opens in Burkettsville, Maryland.

Afghan refugees are thrilled as aid packages from Pottery Barn and Crate and Barrel are strategically dropped by air.

Calgary Renaissance president Greg Habstritt begins to get excited as former President Clinton describes Monica Lewinsky's posterior.

The Los Angeles police misinterpret a memo urging them to distribute free mace.

The highly controversial "Mistress Darkheart B&D School for Children" opens in Philadelphia.

Preying on innocent, unsuspecting parents, roving bands of chimney sweeps vow to "de-anthrax" fireplaces in anticipation of Santa's visit. "You don't want to have to tell your kid that YOU killed Santa, do you?"

I wish this needed a funny caption, but King Abdullah II of Jordan really WAS on Star Trek. You can't make stuff like that up.

Highly trained guard dogs keep a close eye on the nation's cranberry bogs. Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld has urged unprecedented  protection of the United States' strategic cranberry reserves.

Apparently the United States' bombing campaign is not wearing down the Taliban's resolve as much as we'd like to believe.

Bob the Clockmaker describes his job: "I'm basically ticking away the moments that make up a dull day. You know, frittering and wasting the hours  in an offhand way."

"This one time? At tennis camp?"

Hilary Clinton takes a break from her Senate duties by playing Ophelia in a recent  production of Hamlet. "What a piece of work is man," quoted Clinton. "How noble in reason. In form and moving how express and admirable. In action, how like an angel. Except for my dipshit husband."

"I know I said I wouldn't do this anymore, but dammit, there's a war on. Sweet sweet Mad Dog eases the pain."

Outgoing Ford president Jaques Nasser is given his severance package and told he has thirty minutes to leave town.

Another Saturday night visit to Hard Times Chili Cafe, another Sunday morning visit from the plumbers.

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