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| PICTURES? PICTURES? I DON'T HAVE ANY PICTURES. I DON'T NEED TO SHOW YOU ANY STINKING PICTURES. |
| It behooves us to give this page a little time to load. Your patience will be rewarded with yummy Triscuit crackers. |
| Proving what many Americans already believed, photos released this week revealed the U.S. Capitol has been out of business for months. |
| While we here at the Froo Froo sincerely appreciate your urge to work with us, I'm afraid we are not accepting resumes at this time. |
| Massive flooding really gets my goat. |
| Defying his usually low-key demeanor, Bill Gates audibly and repeatedly passes gas at a press conference. When asked why he called the meeting, Gates said, "Because I can." |
| His electric bills on the rise, Dick Cheney waits for his refund check to come off the press. "We're only on Ambrose," said Cheney. "Guess I'll be here awhile." |
| An environmentally conscious Brittney Spears begins wearing nothing but tree bark and leaves. |
| A sketch artist's rendering of Patrick Ewing, next to a photo. Apparently you don't have to be Winslow frickin' Homer to be a court artist these days. |
| In an attempt to boost attendance, Major League Soccer begins using retired Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders. |
| Sick of people calling him a "wild and crazy guy," comedian Steve Martin rips off his own face. |
| Well now I don't know much, but that's what I call a sh*tload of Hemingway. |
| GOD BLESS YOU, MR. PRESIDENT |
| "I'M YOUR GOD NOW, POPEY BOY!" |
| The President and Mrs. Bush enjoy a round of patty-cake with Mr. & Mrs. Tony Blair. |
| "That's right men, just five bucks and I'll send you home from Kosovo. That's a great deal. Who's next? No crowding now, five bucks for freedom, that's right men." |
| Bush's visage is added to a Smithsonian mural entitled "The Proud Faces of Africa." |
| Bush presses to make the 4.5 million Mexican illegals living in the United States citizens "so we can finally hire someone to clean up all the dog crap on the South Lawn. It looks like a flock of geese with Montezuma's revenge live out there." |
| Tired of dealing with advisors regarding an ICBM treaty, Bush and Vladimir Putin decide to arm wrestle for superiority. |