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| BIG ASS PICTURES OF THE WEEK |
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| California Governor Gray Davis isn't messing around anymore. "I'm not asking for your surplus power, I'm friggin' demanding it. You talking to me? Well I'm the only one here..." |
| Homeless livestock run rampant on the streets of Tennessee. |
| A Lucent Technology CEO voluntarily hangs himself with his own tie. "The crappy tie was worth more than my 7,000 shares anyway," said the choking executive. |
| The Russian government releases a study saying that boredom kills over a quarter of it's pilots. |
| Citing rising demands on the time of child killers, Joe McMurphy starts DecapiKid, specializing in already headless toddlers. |
| DANCE, YOU FILTHY LITTLE URCHIN! DANCE! DANCE! DANCE! |
| His trigger finger getting ancy, President Bush sends 4,000 troops to invade Bimini, a small Bahamian island 50 miles off the coast of Miami. |
| A desperate Rutgers basketball team enlists Brittany Spears and Justin Timberlake to boost attendance and shore up a dodgy point guard position. |
| Don't you hate it when someone speeds up to pull out in front of you and then drives 5 miles an hour? |
| "Now where'd that damn bull go? I swear, you turn for one second to look at a cute senorita..." |
| The strict D.C. bouncers don't care how you're dressed, you're still getting carded. |
| Al "Grizzly" Gore emerges from the woods after being lost for three weeks. He is shaken and dazed, but unharmed. "So, nobody noticed I was gone?" he asked. |
| WISH I COULD TAKE A MONTH OFF, MR. PRESIDENT |
| "Mr. Bush, could we have just one conversation that doesn't involve your dog?" |
| A computer simulation reveals that, had Bush lost the election, he would likely be a golf cart salesman in Valdosta, Georgia. "They call me Honest George." |
| When asked what the symbol behind him means, Bush answers, "I believe it is a six." When told it is an equals sign, Bush said "We didn't have much use for equality in Texas." |
| "Good God, I'm dealing with a feeb here. I'm 200 years old and I've got Parkinson's and I'm still more coherent than this moron." |